That's Why It

Ok, I actually didn't expect to miss a couple days of hey. Today was another payday of course, so I was at work of course. $280 kind of. Don't know. An actual hard day at work, I think. Just aggravating that everyone particularly knows about how avocados are when they're ripe. Really don't want to talk about that part, though. I'm kind of in the middle of fixing up my room. Thinking about what to put the stereo on top of and where to actually put it, in order to keep that side of the room as open-ended as possible- if that means anything to me. Kind of reluctantly making a place for CD's in my closet. Record are the only thing of that category that makes sense in a closet.

Also entertaining the idea of the whole steampunk-style bs. Er, that one post-apocolyptic deal just because such a place is my room, where I plan on manifesting myelf. You know- to celebrate the thought of where I ended up after all of anything. Anything big or small that has happened. Continues to feel like it, though. Trying to believe tomorrow's work will go by quicker. Today was just one of those "I did a lot of extra good stuff, but everyone else is going to only notice the negatives." I don't try to speak out about things like how I actually haven't made any mistakes so far. Only saying it here because of the whole cathartic thing. Hah! Speaking of which, one year ago the same situation about the actual word "catharsis." Just like in 5th grade when I knew that the symbol is called a 'hyphen' and I just didn't finish answering because I get that feeling of "my god, this has suddenly become the wrong answer." Plus, all these scrapes and cuts and general wounds I keep getting on the job. Working during my break. I don't know the rules. Am I more likely to "postal" because I keep it all inside?

I left a note on the "shift communication" thing, last week. When I finished writing it, I looked at it for a while. I looked at it for a while because I'm constantly aware of the camera right above me. The same reason I had those two dreams. I was looking at the note that I had written, and it made me think about how well I had actually crafted what I said. It showed my style of writing, a pretty good word choice, a main idea and its details, and some pretty outstanding grammar. All the things that they look for in the high school graduation writing tests. It was a tiny note, but still. For what? I'm working in a produce section. Is this proof that everybody eventually gets a job? This doesn't necessarily show my mood lately, though. I kind of figured this 6 day work week would get to me. Today was proof, to me, that there is such thing as a prototypical "hard day at work."

I can write well enough. So, I sort veggies.

Also impressed with... Well if I say it, then there goes the criticism. I'm trying to treat myself in the past as being another person, now, for the fact that I want to seem impressed by that guy. That guy actually impresses me, a lot. Mostly when I find old drawings of ours in old sketchbooks. I didn't expect to find more than what I already had in Fondue Social. Yet, I found that huge sketchbook of mine and struck gold.

What if people decorated the room with theme of their self? Neglecting all previous styles- reasonable of course, since everyone is subconsciously inspired. Agh, I don't mean "styles" exactly, but I mean to avoid actually going for that style goal. Kind of like how I'm considering the actual style-goal type of thing with that factory/clockwork/apoco-coco/stamepank thing I mentioned, for example. To actually set out to "decorate" your room and instead of looking in some vain of decent cliche, just putting a bunch of things that you did all over the place in a stylized manner. To do away with the obvious- posters of yourself or things you've put on paper, portraits.. self-portraits, actual printed and bound journals you've written, and hahah a bunch of tapes and dvd's of yourself kind of sitting around in your movie collection. Then you get to the furniture and that's where everyone differs the most. Self-made furniture is valid in the sense that you actually just built it with you in mind- whatever that might mean. Not in the sense that the piece of furniture is "an expression of yourself" because that actually ruins the entire concept I'm explaining. It'd make more sense to decorate previusly made stuff with just yourself. Once again, not little expressions of yourself, but actual aspects of yourself that most likely annoy you or others. What I mean is that the end-product is your own little idea, not the things in it.

In the immediate idea, any post-apocolyptic style is probably ideal because at that point, you can incorporate anything ever. Your room, or anything you're putting together, can actually just be the end of civilization and backward. Just set a date, and avoid everything after it. I don't do style, though. Hah as if people would ever dress that whimisically. Actually laughing at Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland because of how no one would actually do all that in their daily dress. I guess that's where he's going with his "you'd have to be mad as a hatter" in order to dress that way all the time. That's actually a better idea than I thought. I didn't think I cared. He's definitely one of those subconscious NLP teachers of ideas. I really didn't think I cared.

So after that "hard" day at work, all I'm thinking is fashion and style. That's legitimately "new." I'll see what I can do. Sounds pretty teenaged. But I go through my phases of whether or not I find anything redeemable about customizable clothing and interior choices.

Ok, that's the that's the.

Focus

Actually incredible inability to focus.

I was trying to be grumpy this morning. They're putting new carpet in our old house, looks like. I am determined. Yet, I'm sure I'm doing nothing about it. Shit in my way. Shell.

All day I was thinking of a response to a statement. Ok. Then, we saw Nico at the post office. Didn't hear the end of that one, though. Uncle Mickey bought me a leather jacket and a vest type thing and some shoes. Completely tuned out.

Was supposed to go wait on the repairman at another house. Unable to, for the sake of tomorrow's chicken wing assignment.

Ok, ok, o.

I've Decided

Wait, this at. Still considered the holiday break, or what is this? Kind of headless these days.

One of those things where I'm going to wait for things to get back to their normal patterns, but instead I just get fired a lot. Well, I'm almost unsafe. It's just going to make me look like I'm lost in the wave of some text imagination.

Reality, real quick.

At Least A Little Variation

ok, not to sound like "New Fashion Line Coming out in 2 Months" but still.

Here, I guess I'm warming up. Warming up, though....something I'd rather avoid because it's hot. No it's just so hot. No it's really not fair. Ouch ridiculous.

I'm still trying to find my "backdoor" because this is not living up to my standards. No. I will not take it, I am above. For sure.

Well, I guess it's time to set up the old online bank account. And I guess I'm not getting any answers from myself, so this is headed nowhere.

Ah craig.