Ah, erm. I wanted to say something about not being allowed to brag about my own personality traits, or something. Hold up, my leg is bouncing up and down while my arm iss resting on itt. I'm typing. Yeah I mean, half of me is thinking that the pressure should be on. Most of me agrees that things are going ok. Things are going according to plan, I suppose. Then comes the unplanned. Heh, my dad is in the hospital right now, after a car accident. Of course, I am unable to head to Atlanta to visit him. I'm just not sure about how I am reacting. I am sure that anything I can say right now, about this situation, would be considered exploitation. To myself, at least. Ok, let me just say that this is an example of me thinking rather than feeling. If we can put aside the severity of the problem, I just want to reflect on this aspect... Well, I don't know.. People that are motivated by feelings, are they the ones who announce to the world this type of stuff? This is going to be a hard thought-process to untangle, though.
No feelings happen when I get news like this, which cannot be a bad thing, but if they did... what would they be? Worry vs. Concern... What am I doing right now? What should I be doing right now? I am at ease, for the most part. I just don't know if I should be. My left leg is shaking, and that is all. The same leg was shaking around this time, last year. I was just writing a story and I noticed the things that must be on my mind right now. Once again, the news has found its way into my thoughts. Yesterday was the first I had even heard of those miners in Chile. That aggravated me, at first. Some news story that I didn't even know about, having an almost ineffective outcome. Comedians had to break that piece of news to me. Why am I hearing this story, and why will it be in my subconscious for a while? I guess the story was irrelevant to me, until now. I won't explain why.
Let's try it this way. I woke up at eleven, and was alert by 11:30. Today, I had plans for me to: message two people about my phone number, finish my financial aid thing, and call Hank and my dad. The only thing I did not do was call Hank. I held off on breakfast because I really was not in the mood to give that soy milk another chance. Right. I called my dad, and he didn't answer the first time. I was still in bed. A minute later, he called me back. He seemed to just be waking up, too. Apparently, this was his day off from his new job. He told me that it was a good thing that they gave him a day off because he was feeling a little bit sick. It's flu season, I suppose. It was a short phone call, but he said he would get in touch Saturday. So, my day started. I showered and turned on my computer monitor to see that I had set aside some videos for me to edit today. I guess I edited two, and looked through the rest. Meanwhile, it was my mom who was finishing up my financial aid for me. I didn't expect that at all. Somewhere along the way, I guess the video editing did cut into the afternoon. Not sure if I remember where the time went today.
It was evening, and in a rare occasion, I sat on the couch and watched tv. Actually, I had been encouraging myself to watch tv more often in order to keep myself aware of the ways that shows are written and stuff. I was watching Seinfeld, when I got a call from my dad's phone number. When I answered, I heard my dad's friend. She told me that he was in the hospital after a car accident. In hindsight, this reaction is familiar. I'll try not to keep that in mind. But see, all I can think about is exploitation. How do people react to others when they are in pain? I'm sorry, but if I say what is actually going on in my head, then..
Every thought is going through my head. The hilarity, the horror, the satire, the honesty, the memories, the news, the stories, the offense, the defense, the ugly, and whatever the opposites to all those things are. And more. I was already thinking these things, though. It's a paradox because none of this is caused by hearing that my dad is in intensive care, and it is at the same time. Was I already going to talk about something? Was I already planning to talk about my weekend? Will I forget the weekend completely? Hah, it's officially Friday. When did my weekend end? What am I allowed to be thinking about? Should I be concentrating on getting to hospital to visit my dad? Should I be thinking about things to cover that whole thing up?
Current Mood: Waiting.
Let's be honest, I'll do the family thing and "keep him in my prayers," at the very least. I guess all that is really on anyone's mind at the minute, though, is get-rich-quick. Nothing unexpected, just really amplified to me.. you know, besides this entry's main concern and due to loss of interest in certain other folks. I was really wanting to write about how I have over 14 things that I am working on. I already did that, kinda. It was just going to be about me being slick about the fact that I am able to handle various things with no problem. Then I was going to have the realization that I am not even actively working on those things. That's out of the question, I guess. Now, all I can think is "well, my dad's in the hospital" when I'm trying to maintain focus on this keyboard. That quote is really a balancing act. I'm imagining that I really should not imagine anything too far to the right of that statement. If anything, I'll lean more to the left. On the left, are the good thoughts. Alright, fine. I can't even remember what mental disorder that is. Doesn't matter though.
Yeah, too many things at once. Too many thoughts at once, rather. I know I am not in denial, (don't speak in absolutes) and I know that at the very back of my mind I really just want to mention an episode of King of the Hill that I just watched. Nothing really, just the fact that Bobby was in "the hole" at the military camp, er academy thing that he was sent to. Chile, again. The story I was just writing, again. "Keep him in your prayers," again. The right side.
At the end, I guess there's no use in worrying about others exploiting emotions when they feel more than they think. It all comes back to personality types. Thinkers and feelers. It also comes back to that Stephen King interview I just read. He mentioned something hypothetical about getting into a car accident and thinking "this is just like the movies" rather than being worried about his safety. I'll admit, my heart just skipped when my eyes moved from the name Stephen King up to where I had written King of the Hill, but ah well. Connecting things. I'll ignore it if I have to. As of now, I still haven't read anything by the man. Just about him. It's almost like when I started listening to Frank Zappa. I just read his quotes. Then came the 3 discs of music. Eh, whatever. Wish I could stick to one topic, though. Also, my aunt thinks that my dad might have blacked out before the accident because my dad's friend said he hadn't eaten before then. Could also be the flu. Or any other sickness that would be going around. At the end of it all, it's probably just more exploitation.
I can't even tell where I am thinking.
Showing posts with label focus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label focus. Show all posts
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Newt Rick
Anyhow, despite impossibility, yeah I woke up fine this morning. I mean impossibility of it having been this morning, not the fact that it was unbelievable that I'd wake up fine. I just get cryptic when it comes to the edge of bragging about technology.
Still one of those fly-by grocery days where I spend the entire time in my own head, finishing old arguments or debating on how the hell to get out. As soon as I got back home, I showered and just took a walk. The old walk I used to take. That old cliche of going to one's quiet place. Might as well.
While gone, I guess it's confirmed that we may start working on Dait-A-Base. In all honesty, I just hope I get to direct it. I had to watch Ed Wood, yesterday, just for the scenes where he's finally making Plan 9. Just to hear the lines like "are you people insane?" (probably not exact) and Orson Welles' part. It's like, I've come here for this reason. I've got to take hold of something, somehow.
I've been too quiet. There's proof. I've been running this through my head: "throughout each day, I only say 5 things. That's if you count 'heh.'" Which isn't necessarily true, but I have had to pipe down for the most part. Not that I say a lot. Which is what I am trying to explain. If I had just talked all through high school, and if I just talk now, would more people know about the things that I want to do? I mean, no one has actually asked me about that side of myself, at work. Agh. The words. Even though I was asked about music preference and my comedy act. Fragment. Physical proof that I don't speak out is that my voice is actually terrible. It doesn't get much exercise either. It's supposed to be "I wonder what Pito sounds like when he sings," not "don't let Pito sing, have you heard his little comedy songs?" Still, no matter what anyone else says- nobody has heard me sing. My lung capacity. The fact that people even associate me with comedy. People misunderstanding all of that for me actually wanting to sing. Voice is on my "Work on:" list. So is Time Management. Which brings me to the other part of today...
Went through some old things I've written and, of course, drawings I've done. The relevance of those things rely on what it is that I actually want to work on next. With the whole Time Management thing, I need to agh. Not even the surface. Furniture, my old files, my new files, catalog, to-do list, resolutions, sleep, work, this Twill bs. Not even to mention that I finally got somewhere with any whit-worth of a social life. Actually sounds like a saying. Alright, let's see if I can prioritize on my way into sleep. This is the 23rd though. Well, now it's actually 24 but all pretend. Not obligated, just making sure.
Consumed.
Still one of those fly-by grocery days where I spend the entire time in my own head, finishing old arguments or debating on how the hell to get out. As soon as I got back home, I showered and just took a walk. The old walk I used to take. That old cliche of going to one's quiet place. Might as well.
While gone, I guess it's confirmed that we may start working on Dait-A-Base. In all honesty, I just hope I get to direct it. I had to watch Ed Wood, yesterday, just for the scenes where he's finally making Plan 9. Just to hear the lines like "are you people insane?" (probably not exact) and Orson Welles' part. It's like, I've come here for this reason. I've got to take hold of something, somehow.
I've been too quiet. There's proof. I've been running this through my head: "throughout each day, I only say 5 things. That's if you count 'heh.'" Which isn't necessarily true, but I have had to pipe down for the most part. Not that I say a lot. Which is what I am trying to explain. If I had just talked all through high school, and if I just talk now, would more people know about the things that I want to do? I mean, no one has actually asked me about that side of myself, at work. Agh. The words. Even though I was asked about music preference and my comedy act. Fragment. Physical proof that I don't speak out is that my voice is actually terrible. It doesn't get much exercise either. It's supposed to be "I wonder what Pito sounds like when he sings," not "don't let Pito sing, have you heard his little comedy songs?" Still, no matter what anyone else says- nobody has heard me sing. My lung capacity. The fact that people even associate me with comedy. People misunderstanding all of that for me actually wanting to sing. Voice is on my "Work on:" list. So is Time Management. Which brings me to the other part of today...
Went through some old things I've written and, of course, drawings I've done. The relevance of those things rely on what it is that I actually want to work on next. With the whole Time Management thing, I need to agh. Not even the surface. Furniture, my old files, my new files, catalog, to-do list, resolutions, sleep, work, this Twill bs. Not even to mention that I finally got somewhere with any whit-worth of a social life. Actually sounds like a saying. Alright, let's see if I can prioritize on my way into sleep. This is the 23rd though. Well, now it's actually 24 but all pretend. Not obligated, just making sure.
Consumed.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Schnei
Lying there for a while. Hide under the blanket. Think about some other apartment. About time to wake up. Mom walks in room. What time is it? It was around 10, that's when the aquarium actually opens. I wasn't still sleepy, but yeah got up.
Also kind of just trying to come up with things to say, meanwhile. Eye-catching bs. Redeeming self for typing mistakes. One or the other. Obviously able to come up with a lot of good junk, but it's all coming out like gross and corn starch. Brown with corn starch. The fact that I'm slightly more familiar with corn starch. Flax seed. Roaches.
So, it was time to go. Actually did shower first thing, which I don't usually do. I shower in the mornings, yes, but not on the first trip to the bathroom. Not here, at least.
Actually had to "eenie meenie miney mo" about whether or not to wear what I was planning on wearing. Turns out the clothes I ended up picking happened to be right next to each other. I guess this red hoodie does make me look bigger, then. I saw my picture that they took at the aquarium. It's a mess. I've been going to work like that. Gah. Such a waste because this is always a slimming shirt. Ugh. No, my point is thatWait why I am missing this stuff. I'm out of it. Wish that had the connotation I was going for. All of this. It changes.
He
Oh yeah, and at the aquarium, it started to snow. We didn't know until we overheard someone telling one of the employees. Such a drastic change, too. What the hell, I can't remember the significance in chronological order. Frozen pizza, with a pun written on the box. The jokes people make of my names. Names. This is leading me somewhere, I'm sure. Ah yes, had to memorize loads of names. Photographic memory- of course! Hah. A call back. That's why the first person to explain photographic memory to me just peeked her head in to say hi. That John Mayer situation going on is just one of those stupid things people are wrong about. Yeah I was playing with photographic memory today. On the way back, I memorized a few license plates. I still remember them. One of them had the number(s) 1940, which might end up having some type of fallacy of a significance. The other was 9874. Less attractive because it doesn't look like a past year. I guarantee if I lived in a year like 9874, I would vomit at least once in that year.
I find myself asking why none of those girls who consider themselves to be the' type of girl to just tell people off' and what not, never say anything like that to me when I know that what I'm saying- reflected in their mindset- would definitely stir something up. Also just looked up "phobia of people's names" and ended up with nomatophobia. Could just be some jive. I honestly didn't think I'd be unable to focus at the end of this day. Hah Mr. Jones.
It sanowed yeah it sanowed today and there is the possibility of not having to work tomorrow. There. Already earned my 100 for the week, though. I guess the problem is that I either have a headache from my jaws again, or I have a headache from trying to concentrate which actually wouldn't even cause a headache.
done.
Actually had to "eenie meenie miney mo" about whether or not to wear what I was planning on wearing. Turns out the clothes I ended up picking happened to be right next to each other. I guess this red hoodie does make me look bigger, then. I saw my picture that they took at the aquarium. It's a mess. I've been going to work like that. Gah. Such a waste because this is always a slimming shirt. Ugh. No, my point is thatWait why I am missing this stuff. I'm out of it. Wish that had the connotation I was going for. All of this. It changes.
He
Oh yeah, and at the aquarium, it started to snow. We didn't know until we overheard someone telling one of the employees. Such a drastic change, too. What the hell, I can't remember the significance in chronological order. Frozen pizza, with a pun written on the box. The jokes people make of my names. Names. This is leading me somewhere, I'm sure. Ah yes, had to memorize loads of names. Photographic memory- of course! Hah. A call back. That's why the first person to explain photographic memory to me just peeked her head in to say hi. That John Mayer situation going on is just one of those stupid things people are wrong about. Yeah I was playing with photographic memory today. On the way back, I memorized a few license plates. I still remember them. One of them had the number(s) 1940, which might end up having some type of fallacy of a significance. The other was 9874. Less attractive because it doesn't look like a past year. I guarantee if I lived in a year like 9874, I would vomit at least once in that year.
I find myself asking why none of those girls who consider themselves to be the' type of girl to just tell people off' and what not, never say anything like that to me when I know that what I'm saying- reflected in their mindset- would definitely stir something up. Also just looked up "phobia of people's names" and ended up with nomatophobia. Could just be some jive. I honestly didn't think I'd be unable to focus at the end of this day. Hah Mr. Jones.
It sanowed yeah it sanowed today and there is the possibility of not having to work tomorrow. There. Already earned my 100 for the week, though. I guess the problem is that I either have a headache from my jaws again, or I have a headache from trying to concentrate which actually wouldn't even cause a headache.
done.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Hungries
4-8. Longest feeling day, though. All I can think about right now is those disgusting, moldy, green lemons that sprayed spores into my face basically. Hope I'm not infected. Worked with my sister. I think I might have eaten pretty well today. I must have been legitimately hungrier than other days. Deprive, kinda.
Today was Fide's birthday. Too bad I couldn't see him or whatever. I'm not one to care about having to make sure to see someone just because it's their birthday, but heh I mean especially since I'm supposed to be celebrating holidays and birthdays this year. Not saying I didn't celebrate, just saying that would have instated or whatever. Heard he got some of his beloved Steven B's pizza. Also, yeah, our groundhog didn't see his shadow.+++
Tash not movin' in with us though. Yet. I'll figure it out. I got this far, at least. I can make something up. At the expense of wasting space, I kind of just want to type about something else. If I could just figure out what can set me off into some other, I guess, tangent.. then I can feel like I did something. I guess I can just be like.. this is a checkpoint.
The house is check. That money I just happened to get, checked. Er, well I mean. I already have a to-do list. The only thing bound to expire is a movie I feel that I need to see in theaters. Heh and that's not even... Ok, some way to get back into career mode. (ha, now I get it.) I'm just going to take a bit to see where I was before I got this job. Hm, well those moldy lemons could make for a good stupid sci fi joke idea. Especially since I'm probably pretending to feel dizzy right now. Yes! That window I had opened earlier is gone! Oh my no. I've become one of them. Heh, at least it wasn't a a.
Escaped
Today was Fide's birthday. Too bad I couldn't see him or whatever. I'm not one to care about having to make sure to see someone just because it's their birthday, but heh I mean especially since I'm supposed to be celebrating holidays and birthdays this year. Not saying I didn't celebrate, just saying that would have instated or whatever. Heard he got some of his beloved Steven B's pizza. Also, yeah, our groundhog didn't see his shadow.+++
Tash not movin' in with us though. Yet. I'll figure it out. I got this far, at least. I can make something up. At the expense of wasting space, I kind of just want to type about something else. If I could just figure out what can set me off into some other, I guess, tangent.. then I can feel like I did something. I guess I can just be like.. this is a checkpoint.
The house is check. That money I just happened to get, checked. Er, well I mean. I already have a to-do list. The only thing bound to expire is a movie I feel that I need to see in theaters. Heh and that's not even... Ok, some way to get back into career mode. (ha, now I get it.) I'm just going to take a bit to see where I was before I got this job. Hm, well those moldy lemons could make for a good stupid sci fi joke idea. Especially since I'm probably pretending to feel dizzy right now. Yes! That window I had opened earlier is gone! Oh my no. I've become one of them. Heh, at least it wasn't a a.
Escaped
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Focus
Actually incredible inability to focus.
I was trying to be grumpy this morning. They're putting new carpet in our old house, looks like. I am determined. Yet, I'm sure I'm doing nothing about it. Shit in my way. Shell.
All day I was thinking of a response to a statement. Ok. Then, we saw Nico at the post office. Didn't hear the end of that one, though. Uncle Mickey bought me a leather jacket and a vest type thing and some shoes. Completely tuned out.
Was supposed to go wait on the repairman at another house. Unable to, for the sake of tomorrow's chicken wing assignment.
Ok, ok, o.
I was trying to be grumpy this morning. They're putting new carpet in our old house, looks like. I am determined. Yet, I'm sure I'm doing nothing about it. Shit in my way. Shell.
All day I was thinking of a response to a statement. Ok. Then, we saw Nico at the post office. Didn't hear the end of that one, though. Uncle Mickey bought me a leather jacket and a vest type thing and some shoes. Completely tuned out.
Was supposed to go wait on the repairman at another house. Unable to, for the sake of tomorrow's chicken wing assignment.
Ok, ok, o.
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About Me
- Peetoes
- Well, as far as I can tell.. I am a man now, but like... I am a guy who thinks he has like good morals and virtues or something but also thinking those are stupid therefore coming off as a bad prick rather than a good prick.