So What's The Limit Supposed To Be?

It was one of those days where, instead of taking a shower, you end up eating two carrots and starting to record two rap songs without finishing them. Oh, probably looks like I'm trying to do some impressing. At least I've got something to say. I didn't think I'd come up with anything, but I've been done justice so far these days.

Also another one of those days where you look back at the old things you've written and get impressed. I mean, it's no big deal to you but its significance to me comes from the fact that I've been trying to do all of that recently when I've already perfected it.

Alright, I've got to get back to work. For real, this time. Er, this item.

How Easy It Is Is.

Today was Matthew's birthday. For the first time in any conscious history, a person has gotten a birthday cake with "Happy Birthday Though" on it. I feel privileged and not flattered. His dad had reserved a row of tables at this Mexican restaurant next to his mom's house. It was the first surprise party I've ever been to. I didn't even know they existed. We had been waiting in our seats, just anticipating the face and first sounds he was going to make upon seeing everybody there, after he was understandingly reluctant to go in the first place. Afterward, we went to the movies and saw Precious.

Wait, short and simple I guess. Before that, all I did was help my mom do her shops at 3 different GNC stores. Things are going ok so far, I think. Something tells me that an old method of mine deserves retiring, though. I feel that I definitely should put on some man shoes. I'm myself, grown up, but I think I owe it to myself and others to return my end of the bargain. <- That sentence was basically just a bunch of cliches about deals crammed into a sentence. All I can gather from what I mean, is that I need to:

1. For mine self: I need to make it apparent that I am going to accomplish each one of those things I have written down in that notebook.
2. Forn Others: I need to show my gratitude for all they've done for me. I won't do anything silly to show it. They'll get it, and they'll know why- or not.

These ain't resolutions as hell. They're conditions because of the fact that the common theme is "deal." I can imagine how this could be mistaken as one of those stomach ache entries about "alright, things are gonna be better a'cause I'm gonna do thisssss.." but I kind of look at it as myself just having all this potential energy (and I mean potential energy, not "potential" because that part is already established) that I forgot to tell everybody they can tap into. For me to select a group of friends, and show them the potential energy, is kind of selfish. That way, everything I do actually is legitimately for myself. I can be like all narcissistic in a way, like I'm supposed to, and still cover it up. I'm distracted, though.

Still kind of ashamed that they still have the wrong idea about it. Rosebud situations.

What I'll do, since I'm gonna be talkin to people more often anyway, is just kind of tell them the truth. That's what I know for fact I'm going to do with my life. My career is taken care of, it just has a floating job title. I can tell my friends' rich parents I'm doing these things, if I need to. They like that type of thing for some reason. They still suggest college. I'll start using the "I'm to nervous about college" thing for this season. I'm good. I'm sure it is in the range of easy.

Firework Mistakes.

Ok cool, I get to tell how New Year's went.

It starts on the night before New Year's Eve. Nothing happened, but I did just kind of pick up this composition book that I had been waiting to steal. I tried to write down this topic that had finally manifested itself in the last month of the year. That whole flip flop between trust and buying houses for your friends.

Then, I slept because I guess that last part was close to irrelevant. I woke up and kind of hid in the room I was sleeping because there were people talking. I was treated to breakfast, met up with Nick and Alex. All of us, excluding Alex, went back to Hank's and kind of recharged or whatever for the night ahead. My intention was to at least take a shower and kind of freshen up, hell, so I could impress some folks. Did that, I guess, and spent a lot of the time I was there looking through a 2006 yearbook, which was my freshman year actually. I also helped with the unclogging of this lint filter on the side of Hank's house. I don't know how much time we spent there, but when it got dark we had three pizzas. Oh man. Then, how Hank eats chicken wings.

Night began. Alex picked Nick and I up, I had to run back in to get my jackets and dress shirt. She brought a pizza box from her house. We went to Nick's house so Nick could get a shower while Alex and I went to the other Alex's house so that they could go over some blood money. We went back to Nicks, picked him up and they had to go to the bank. They were going to go to that other party, so it was decided that I'd wait at Kroger for the Briana party to start at 9:30.

At the store, I talked to Andrew for about 20 minutes to pass time. Then, I left and went to my favorite bathroom to stall some more. Stared at myself in the mirror, and shaved. Ha. Then, I started to walk toward the party. I crossed the empty street, and when I ran, money fell out of my pockets. Some change, I mean. I picked some of it up, but that's when the cars decided to show up. Right as I got near the high school, I remember I was kind of talking to myself trying to explain "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" to myself when someone called my name. Surprise. Turned around to see Bryttne, who I went to school with, and her mom looking for the same party. Luckily, I know where it is, so I hopped in and we showed up. It was odd because I was invited, but I didn't see the invitation so I didn't know if I missed anything. I was literally there for like 30 minutes kind of on edge as usual, until Nick and Alex came back to pick me up to go to the Buy Wag party. Oh man, these guys again. Not really. It was 10 o clock and it took us 27 minutes to get there. We saw Hank leaving as soon as we got there.

I hesitated to walk in because it was just flashbacks of went down here, last time. We went in fine, and as soon as I made it to the living room I hear bunches of people excited to see me for some reason. I was humble about it since I was kind of freaking out about the place anyway. On one side, I would have wanted to stay since I got such a welcoming but hell, this place is this place. So we left after about 10 minutes. All of us went back to the Briana party, where I had decided I wanted to be there when the year changed. Me and Nick sat and ate their "puppy chow" mostly. Then, he and Alex left there after a while. I was pretty good by that time so it was all alright. I got tiny, yet valuable, pieces of praise when I was there. Man named Scott said I posted awesome statuses on the old facebarn. The man from Slumdog Millionaire said I looked enough like Jacob from the Twilight movies. A Michael complimented my videos. Another man named Michael. I know them both, of course, but in this case, they're Michaels. Harry was there for some reason, and I didn't recognize him at first. I got Robert Smith's hat. Then, they fire works. I mean, somewhere in there was when we moved to the living room to do the countdown.

Later on of course, I got anxious again, so I used Vinisha's phone to send Nick a message, asking where he was. He was already at the party Justin had put together. Ha, have to explain that later, too. Still with the phone, I walked into the hall to call Hank to see if he would still pick me up and take me either back to Buy Men, or to Justin's. Right when I got him to figure out that it was me, Briana's dad walked by me and grabbed the phone from my hand and starting shouting things into it. First time feeling that uneasy this year. I got the phone back to find out that Hank had already gotten settled for the night. Then I remembered. Bryttne's mom had said "if you see her leaving at about 1 o clock, then you can hop in and get a ride" or something. Gah, so I actually did. Then, I went to Justin's.

I showed up. One of these nights from the week before, basically. Hugged. Walked right to the kitchen to get a drink because I was kind of done for the night. Then Jessica came and made it clear that she wasn't 100% comfortable there and she left after a bit. Made sense. I remember feeling this sensation of how I was slowly becoming what everybody else was and comparing it to how it must feel to...become a.. eh whatever. Then, Chase approached me and kind of advised me that I should start trying to get girls or something. It was a surprisingly decent conversation, but I couldn't really explain it the same way it happened. As the topic turned into 'torrents,' Denzel was there, and he kind of just stood and kept his distance from the other folks at the party and he talked to me for a second.

One thing I find about this year so far, is that I can just talk to people for some reason. Don't let anybody tell you that the New Year isn't significant.

Although I tried to drag the party outside in homage to New Year's 2008, the night just kind of ended indoors, and I just kind of kept to myself from then on. The next morning, who knows what. All that was going to happen was that Justin was being taken back to the airport. Early enough, there had been some pictures from the night posted. Everyone kind of left, but Justin and I were still there waiting on "Aunt" Christine and James to get ready to go to the airport. When they were ready, Justin asked to see Mr. K one last time before he left. So, that was it for Justin. I was the last one of his friends to talk to him, I suppose. Last thing he told me was "ras." Appropriate, though.

James and Christine went ahead to buy me a thing from Taco Bell before dropping me off at the square, as I requested. No such thing in coincidences these days. I was compelled to walk into ol' Cool Beans, for warmth and bathroom. I never walk into that place. I walked through, pretended not to see them, and went to the bathroom and talked to myself for a second. Walked back out and oh there was them two from Buy Wag last night. Ha. Talked to them for like an hour, as Cool Beans actually closed early or somethin. They left, and I walked to Waffle House righ quick. Called Alex and she came and got me, and besides the fact that my sister came and got me from Nick's, I guess that's the end. Heh.

Then I came back here, and finally decided on my resolutions. There was a point to this, I suppose.

New Year Paradox

Resolution being to celebrate all holidays and birthdays, within reason.
Celebrating today by resolutions.

I have 2 years on this heart throb pass. So I resolute to take the offer.

Possible resolution of living like a no-budget king.

I want an above average dental health personality.

I want to talk to average city folk and shop keepers as much as possible.

I want to feel like thisssss.



There. literally 2 cents.

Ah, But What Could Be

I was, even within this stream, deep inside the lifestyle of those who won't accept it.

Just to find out what day it is.

Hey. Anybody know where I can find the bathroom? I don't need to use it.

Ok, I guess all I can remember is that there is no set place for the next show. I guess it won't be a problem, either way. I just feel like I'm in a hurry to impress some folks before the others get to them. Yeah, I've made a full circle back in to Trying-To-Impress mode. I'm an old soul, though, I guess I know better. So, I mean. I should know by now, that when you're making sure to impress folks, it's right about the time where you become vulnerable and regain that ability to get offended.

Speech impediment.

So, stop, right? If you don't start it, then you won't open it. Rules made for breaking, promises opening, the dog in the water. Greed, mostly.

Anyway, I guess the show is the main thing. I could take a crack at the other things.

School, zans, fitness, shoulder, and crayon are still around but nah.

Frankly Spangled

Picture the irony of successfully talking about your weekend. There's a chance of using enough description but even more of a chance of no one wanting to know these things.

Recently my weekends have consisted of getting into the inner city somehow, for the sake of making it to the Philosophy Club meeting. Automobile situation-living situation- not important. Still, I had my own little plans. Actually on the way there, my mom and I saw Grant but he was already out of there. I reluctantly head into the school with an embarrassing enough duffel bag or what it was. Me. Going into school. Still not a big deal. Just ethix. Literally a meeting of what I personally would expect to hear from a group called philosophy. Ultimately ending in this, for lack of better words, unusual group of people. Waller, Will, Fide, and I waited outside Nick's house for both him and Alex.

Around this time, I start to get into panic mode because I realize that there is some ill-conceived plan to just go to the movies that night. I actually tried to project my weekend around actually going to the movies, so this wasn't really going to have a good outcome. I tried to voice my opinion the entire night on what would be an actually decent turn of events. Yet- as I had imagined each scenario of how this night would go, the night before, it could only end in any type of end-result crafted just to spite my imagination. I met a new puppy, actually. So of course, given the company that were now present: Nick, Alex, Fide, and Myself, what the hell might as well go to Waffle House of all places. Waller would later join us. I treated myself to something probably fattening, no doubt, and just flat out poor. Well, hey let's not write into Jones, here.

Point is- I accidentally ended up in this situation where the movie theater was right in front of me, and I was stricken with the feeling of having missed the bus on an essential day of school. Basically, I actually did miss the bus on all the important days of my life. No, not really, but somewhere along the lines I ended up where I am now. Is this sense of humor? Or court. Ok. I spent the duration of the movie, alienated, trying to get myself angry and eventually some empathy. Oh yeah, it was cold and rainy too but hey Happy Halloween. I had a little monologue, and walked far away with some headphones in. Oh yeah I need to find those. I walked into who-knows-where and passed what I know now is an airport. Incredibly foggy, on the side of the road, so I had my share of pictures. Hey, what's up.

Not really a point, though. Idk don't exist. Hey. Whats. Nah it was pretty bitter of a night, and I can't decide if my tone toward it should be at all upset or if I should just move on to eh. I remember going to bed though, this bed that was actually pretty amazing. Like a hotel room, kinda. I took of my soggy socks and shoes and just sulked. Hey whats up.

Hallowen. Oops. Halloween. Ok, fast forward through trick-or-treating bilbo and cornish jazz. I don't know where I got a costume from but of course I had my excuses. Eventually having gone to the big party everyone was waiting for. Walked in, stomped around, made sure to be loud, fat kid on couch "tell your friends to leave" bull shed but hey whats. First point to leave some species in the dirty upstairs toilet. Grant threw candy off the balcony, into the living room.

Environment was horrible in the first place. Stereotypical rich college rock and roll men beers and stupid crap all over the place. Bound to have a freak out tonight? Yeah. So went down stairs and played some wholesome Foosball and won accidentally. In awe of the horrifying posters on the wall, which included "College Girls" which was a picture of a girl with a shirt that blatantly said "Figh." Then a stupid college type humor type bs type rules for beer type corn cod piece bs. Some middle aged man walking around with a mohawk and sequins. Stupid couch thing with a wall around it. Fat in white t-shirt. Stereotypical angry drunk man. Then the people we expected, just here as background characters, for some reason. Oh yeah and then the Cool Winners were set to perform. But few people knew.

Made a group trip just to get an iPod from the cray, went back in and spent time avoiding the situation. Got behind the microphone a couple of times until everybody was just pushing the 'hey hurry up guys, bleed bleed bleed' So we invited Will Hammond on stage so we could attempt something we'd been wanting to do for a while, but nah it was horrible.

Our act is based upon failure in the first place, so somehow we did great, but as it went down.. We were set up in front of the completely wrong audience. Fat and drunk aesop, huber, old mohan with sequins, and fat gothic girl. All of them trying to make jokes. Completely so far into it, that I didn't hear anything they were saying and my audience- oh yeah my audience ended up just being my friends, to the right. Yeah because Grant pretty much left the stage once I tried to get him to sing. So, I was all by myself, next to Will Hammond sitting safely to my right.

I declare that

nobody else would have done what I did.

I stayed up there and fought, basically. Made sure I brought them down. Called the fats fat, told them their lives are not good, offered to let the 'tough' guys stab me, called out the whores in the house, and just pissed on the band that people were there to see. Left before they started to play. Which was about the time the freakout was in order. We were planning on leaving so we had to go back in for one last move. We all ran in, and tried to do our own brand of damage. The place was a hell hold in the first place so the worst damage we could do was do damage by doing barely any damage. Hey wht. Ran outside in underwear, I rolled around in someone's lawn, blood dripping but it wasnt real. Nick ran around inn the nude hey whats up

[I continued to write, the next day] But yeah after the freakout, which included the whole nude/underwear thing, we safely decided to just go on ahead to the Marietta Diner. I really felt welcome there. We were to meet Matt, his mom, Zach, and Hannah. They were there celebrating Zach's birthday. Yeah I mean, living like kings kind of. I felt at the top of my game, some zombies and bloody men sat at the table next to us. One thing that made the night beautiful was when the waiters and waitresses came to sing Zach "Happy Birthday" and he ran off, into the bathroom. Couldn't let him miss out, so I walked into the bathroom to see him standing there, with a gigantic shirt, pretending to pee. We got him out of there and he got his prize. Waitress. It was great.

Of course, I ended the night only thinking about the negatives, just like the night before but still, it was a night that I want to make sure to refer to as much as possible. That won't be a lot but it was a night that clearly means something to some weird men.

_Tha Trap_