Awe

Threshold of New Years Eve.
hm. So this is how I end up reminiscing. Wow. How to set it up. Well, as it has been, my mom is in Germany until January 6th. She's been gone since the 14th and since then I've occupied myself. It's impossible to know how I've kept myself occupied but I guess I did. The very first couple of days, I went straight downstairs and started sorting out a bunch of papers of mine. There are still stacks lying around the basement. I had also been playing Paper Mario. I actually also just finished playing it some more, but only after forcing myself to. I'm not sure why there'd be any difference in my doing these things since I could have done these things while my mom was home, but either way- those are the things I did for the first few days. I barely remember any other days, other than Tash coming over to take me shopping.

I celebrated Christmas with my dad. It snowed. I was able to see our old family friends, after about 10 years. I mean, I like that type of thing because it's one of those 'reality' situations. Er, a good 'storyline' or 'continuity' situation. Like, it was like I actually saw the ghost of Christmas past because I think we always used to visit this family for Christmas. Wild.

In that same respect, all at the same time, I think I was also visited by the ghosts of Christmas present and future. And it doesn't even mean I'm a Scrooge. Sometimes these ghosts just visit. I have become aware of my friends: past, present, and future friends. All at once. People I don't see as often, people I consistently see, and people I know I'm actually going to meet soon. Trust me.

On that note, let me explain. The whole comedy thing, like I said, is showing itself in a less modest way. Pseudo-famous people just like me are popping out of the most ridiculous places. (These are the people that I am going to meet). I'm finding it easier to get in contact with people I didn't imagine I'd ever meet. (I wanted to, and knew it was possible, but I didn't imagine it.) Like, I'm not talking to any of them or anything because I know I have to present myself and blah. I don't know what this sounds like but it feels normal. All I realize is that if I consistently keep my head in my work, then things will come. And so far, it has. In ways.

Last night (technically the night before) I had burned a practice dvd. If I can get someone to watch it and confirm that's it good enough to pass out as a demo disc, then that'd be nice. Oh, right. Actual news. Well, we may be getting another live show to be performed at the Wonder Root. I agreed to a date, but I'm not sure what's next. I guess I'll wait for them to put it on the schedule on their website, or something. So that's fine. If we build momentum with that, and the Brain Camp show (and hopefully more to follow), then we'll at least be somewhere in the quantity aspect. Then, after a certain point I have some plans. If we're at all well known then I'll pull for some fund-raising, but if luck shines upon us, then a road trip is in store. (yep. a note to self).

To conclude, of course, I want to just see how much stuff I can jot about the year 2010. I'd like to say that it was a year, for me, wealthy in literature, chemicals, and women. Very vague things, actually. Well, literature is sort of obvious. Anyone reading this knows that. I've been writing this type of crap all year long... but earlier this year, I did find myself reading more often than I had ever read in my life. Really.
As for chemicals, well, this one is a hehe 'self-fulfilling'.. thing. I'm guessing it has to do with some mental stuff or noting of other people's mental stuff, but I'm not sure if I could be fully honest about here. It could also be other people's usage of foreign materials and all that garbage. Who knows. The year is ending- I'm not in the same mindset as the one I was in when I agreed this year dealt heavily with chemicals (which was at least a month and a half ago).
And women. I just now decided on that one. They've been pretty prominent, and I guess this is my way of paying homage to the strong women of the year 2010. Then again, it's also kind of stupid (don't jump to conclusions!!) in the way that, "in that case, every year is somewhat about women". Well yeah. Really, I'm just being passively admiration-al. I like what some people did this year. One side of me wants to get this part of what I'm saying over with, while the other is nodding and squinting his eyes in approval. Fine.

So did I get everything done this year? Hell yes. I won this year, even if I got past with a B-. I mean, with the main accomplishment being "move" in the first half, things kind of worked themselves out. Even if I didn't notice. So far, it doesn't look like it's ending the way I imagined... but I guess it's a step-by-step process. Baby steps. And then step-steps because we ain't got all day. So I guess, I'll kind of take my leave in regards of "capturing everyday to prove that it happened," and just let it happen. No sense in forcing happenings to happen. They just happen. They're the only things that just happen, in essence.

It was a lot of fun. "Would you do it again?" Yeaaah! :)

Shouldent

Did a lot more moving. Called in for my next work day. I have tomorrow off. Heh, four day weekend. I go in on tuesday. Actually might take tonight to watch interviews, again. This time, about music. I can say I hear a lot of myself in this new Julian Casablancas album, in a certain way. Either that, or I'm ripping him off in that cosmic girl song I had been making. Gah, it's been months. I haven't heard my own song in months. It's like a phantom limb. Like scratching yer nuns when you don't have arms anymore.

Also got a taste of my old appreciation for the animated arts. How it's not cartooning, not film, and not comedy- but it's all yet none. Story of my ligh. It's good that I'm packing on these plans now because I owe it to myself to act on these things once I get moved in. Hah, see, basically the music video for his song. Sorry, though. I hesitated long enough. Just, how to sync it all up when you see it. All those things that get their chance to get repeated.

Probably actually a good thing to go through phases of favorites and styles, though. Genre phases, and all that. Because it gives you a chance to validly build your pallet. Er, I mean. I'm literally using the turn of phrase "build your pallet" from the wine-tasting guy who was on Conan a long time ago. Conflicts, just voice kind of surprised that I'm using these words. Devil on my shoulder? Er, that is if the whole cynic thing is actually evil. Heh. "Why not try them all?"

Oh of course. What sets this day apart from today... well that whole thing I just explained, kinda. Also my time sitting in both rooms to see which one I actually want. Hah, literally the next time I read this I will have known which room I ended up picking. It's just these days of kind of drinking these Gatorades that are stacked up at the top of the stairs, here. Ways to remember a place I don't want to remember. Also, how do I tap into that part of me that kinda feels bad anytime something good happens? Something feels unsure about right now. I guess it's the end that'll count. I have to promise myself to maintain, you know? Who know? Wait. Hey what's up. I'd have to actually have that same amount of edgy determination that I had when I made sure we were able to move into the house. I ended up saying the right things. The right convincing words. Not manipulative, though. See? Doubt.

Kind of like that Larry 3000 example of time fraying apart. The cards said I had got control of conscious and unconscious thoughts. Either that, or I was going to. Minor? Subject to change, I'll bet. It's fine. Just a lot of dignity falls through broken promise. Ok, I'm having coming up with things to have said. So I'll keep it up. Gah that entertainment business is goofy. Nah, just break it up into its two components. Entertainment? Well, see for me that just what I'd like to see. Things I'd like to see. Like, when you wake up one day and kind of want to go jogging, but you also want to record a song for yourself to jog to. So you fart it out, and go jogging the best jog you've ever done. Ok, before the second component, I want to hear another example. Hm. Ha, ok, here's one. Ever feel like you've been deprived of a childhood? No. Well, let's say you were deprived, and you never got your saturday morning cartoons. Hah, I like how this one is going. Yeah, you can sit and just create a cast of goofy superheroes that teach you lessons you probably didn't even know you knew. Yeah, but the saturday morning television angle specifically- could also probably do some campy live action rescue ranger er hah hey why not Powered Range-men?

Yeah, I see what I mean. Still feel like something is missing.. Plus I could write stories based upon book titles that I've never read. Like, how they give off the impression of something far out. Basically judging books by their cover, yet being convince that your judgment is actually what is in the book. Ok, then the business part. Yeah, I've had this conversation before. I know. Oh yeah? Nice paychecks, then. Hey. Well, I guess I have some capital now.. Hopefully. Wait, but "entertainment" was given a different spin on what it means in the context of "entertainment business." Hm, well then. Four components. Each word in half. The word in its connotation with the two word phrase, and how it benefits yourself. Though, business begins to explain itself.

Alright, well I think I've had enough. Well, I haven't. So, pace.

Firework Mistakes.

Ok cool, I get to tell how New Year's went.

It starts on the night before New Year's Eve. Nothing happened, but I did just kind of pick up this composition book that I had been waiting to steal. I tried to write down this topic that had finally manifested itself in the last month of the year. That whole flip flop between trust and buying houses for your friends.

Then, I slept because I guess that last part was close to irrelevant. I woke up and kind of hid in the room I was sleeping because there were people talking. I was treated to breakfast, met up with Nick and Alex. All of us, excluding Alex, went back to Hank's and kind of recharged or whatever for the night ahead. My intention was to at least take a shower and kind of freshen up, hell, so I could impress some folks. Did that, I guess, and spent a lot of the time I was there looking through a 2006 yearbook, which was my freshman year actually. I also helped with the unclogging of this lint filter on the side of Hank's house. I don't know how much time we spent there, but when it got dark we had three pizzas. Oh man. Then, how Hank eats chicken wings.

Night began. Alex picked Nick and I up, I had to run back in to get my jackets and dress shirt. She brought a pizza box from her house. We went to Nick's house so Nick could get a shower while Alex and I went to the other Alex's house so that they could go over some blood money. We went back to Nicks, picked him up and they had to go to the bank. They were going to go to that other party, so it was decided that I'd wait at Kroger for the Briana party to start at 9:30.

At the store, I talked to Andrew for about 20 minutes to pass time. Then, I left and went to my favorite bathroom to stall some more. Stared at myself in the mirror, and shaved. Ha. Then, I started to walk toward the party. I crossed the empty street, and when I ran, money fell out of my pockets. Some change, I mean. I picked some of it up, but that's when the cars decided to show up. Right as I got near the high school, I remember I was kind of talking to myself trying to explain "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" to myself when someone called my name. Surprise. Turned around to see Bryttne, who I went to school with, and her mom looking for the same party. Luckily, I know where it is, so I hopped in and we showed up. It was odd because I was invited, but I didn't see the invitation so I didn't know if I missed anything. I was literally there for like 30 minutes kind of on edge as usual, until Nick and Alex came back to pick me up to go to the Buy Wag party. Oh man, these guys again. Not really. It was 10 o clock and it took us 27 minutes to get there. We saw Hank leaving as soon as we got there.

I hesitated to walk in because it was just flashbacks of went down here, last time. We went in fine, and as soon as I made it to the living room I hear bunches of people excited to see me for some reason. I was humble about it since I was kind of freaking out about the place anyway. On one side, I would have wanted to stay since I got such a welcoming but hell, this place is this place. So we left after about 10 minutes. All of us went back to the Briana party, where I had decided I wanted to be there when the year changed. Me and Nick sat and ate their "puppy chow" mostly. Then, he and Alex left there after a while. I was pretty good by that time so it was all alright. I got tiny, yet valuable, pieces of praise when I was there. Man named Scott said I posted awesome statuses on the old facebarn. The man from Slumdog Millionaire said I looked enough like Jacob from the Twilight movies. A Michael complimented my videos. Another man named Michael. I know them both, of course, but in this case, they're Michaels. Harry was there for some reason, and I didn't recognize him at first. I got Robert Smith's hat. Then, they fire works. I mean, somewhere in there was when we moved to the living room to do the countdown.

Later on of course, I got anxious again, so I used Vinisha's phone to send Nick a message, asking where he was. He was already at the party Justin had put together. Ha, have to explain that later, too. Still with the phone, I walked into the hall to call Hank to see if he would still pick me up and take me either back to Buy Men, or to Justin's. Right when I got him to figure out that it was me, Briana's dad walked by me and grabbed the phone from my hand and starting shouting things into it. First time feeling that uneasy this year. I got the phone back to find out that Hank had already gotten settled for the night. Then I remembered. Bryttne's mom had said "if you see her leaving at about 1 o clock, then you can hop in and get a ride" or something. Gah, so I actually did. Then, I went to Justin's.

I showed up. One of these nights from the week before, basically. Hugged. Walked right to the kitchen to get a drink because I was kind of done for the night. Then Jessica came and made it clear that she wasn't 100% comfortable there and she left after a bit. Made sense. I remember feeling this sensation of how I was slowly becoming what everybody else was and comparing it to how it must feel to...become a.. eh whatever. Then, Chase approached me and kind of advised me that I should start trying to get girls or something. It was a surprisingly decent conversation, but I couldn't really explain it the same way it happened. As the topic turned into 'torrents,' Denzel was there, and he kind of just stood and kept his distance from the other folks at the party and he talked to me for a second.

One thing I find about this year so far, is that I can just talk to people for some reason. Don't let anybody tell you that the New Year isn't significant.

Although I tried to drag the party outside in homage to New Year's 2008, the night just kind of ended indoors, and I just kind of kept to myself from then on. The next morning, who knows what. All that was going to happen was that Justin was being taken back to the airport. Early enough, there had been some pictures from the night posted. Everyone kind of left, but Justin and I were still there waiting on "Aunt" Christine and James to get ready to go to the airport. When they were ready, Justin asked to see Mr. K one last time before he left. So, that was it for Justin. I was the last one of his friends to talk to him, I suppose. Last thing he told me was "ras." Appropriate, though.

James and Christine went ahead to buy me a thing from Taco Bell before dropping me off at the square, as I requested. No such thing in coincidences these days. I was compelled to walk into ol' Cool Beans, for warmth and bathroom. I never walk into that place. I walked through, pretended not to see them, and went to the bathroom and talked to myself for a second. Walked back out and oh there was them two from Buy Wag last night. Ha. Talked to them for like an hour, as Cool Beans actually closed early or somethin. They left, and I walked to Waffle House righ quick. Called Alex and she came and got me, and besides the fact that my sister came and got me from Nick's, I guess that's the end. Heh.

Then I came back here, and finally decided on my resolutions. There was a point to this, I suppose.