Hone

Yeah willingly unresponsive. In the past week maybe, I got my new camera. Made 2 videos in one night. Already old news. One of them can actually be described as the ultimate Pito Video to date. It is my 50th one I've uploaded to the tube, so good coincidence. I say ultimate because it contains features of all my previous solo works. Viral, anyway.

Today hasn't really done justice. Aggravated, I think. Got off and took a nap. Work takes more hours away from your life than you know. It's really not fair (well you got a point there.) Watching old Fredryk Phox and realizing that he was another one of the people who have subliminally influenced me during that one part of my life. It's almost sad though. The fear of a cycle.

I think I may be stressed or aggravated tonight. Ashamed of the fact that I went through today looking how I look. The clothes, I mean. No idea what anyone else saw. Ok and "you look thinner and thinner" losing weight 'compliments.' Too bad I overheard the same person compliment another person. "Younger and younger." Except that was a bigger ruckus. With me, I just kind of. Fake smile. "Are you happy?" Asking if the compliment worked. I have no idea of reality, actually kinda. No idea what I look like, which may or may not matter. No idea what it is. Then of course someone would say: "Dude, everybody feels that way." Alright. Yeah let's leave that one there until I have proof.

All my obligations are paid. More library books. Three, this time. Three separate rooms.

Oh yeah and talking to Nico about all of us getting together for a new show. So far it looks like we're considering the Wonder Root. Who knows. I think we all agree yes. Justin won't be MC MassMurder he says. Hopefully we're building our following. wish we had a following though. Still, also maybe a picnic show in my backyard. Then when MC Mass finally finishes his album, a much better show. I'm already miles ahead of myself. I want the Cool Winners junk to have been established, MC to move on, the bridge between Nico's folks and us to be built, and the Creepy Ghosts explained. All that's in the past to me. In my mind, my entire career (past and future) is all just in the past. I think we need to bite off something we can barely swallow. Disappoint a lot of folks except the ones who pay enough attention. Already.

Tabloids about us. Able to happen. Just no idea who the hell we are. Death wish. we're all in chaos, not chaotic chaos but left over chaos from when we were in chaos. Not big enough to be chaotic. There's an entire story here. He's torn, Georgie. This is drama. So, what? Do I just write the biopic or the documentary? Who wants the same story, twice? It's a multiverse, so it quenches but also drouts. Thirsty as hell.

An that dreadful To-Do list. Somethings literally can only be done in a certain light. You Know? Begging to work myself to death. The way I want to work, clearly. Stop this, it's nonsense. For people to just eat these things. This store is just gluttony. Why put so much emphasis on FOOD? Out of their minds. That, in fact, should be the ring of hell for sinners of gluttony. Food as a goal, as comfort, as something to talk about, life? Ridiculous. I wouldn't mind any of these folks just going to hell. Ok, I shouldn't be at this point. This is how everyone ever has complained about work. I've been complaining about work all of my life.

I must explode.

Near The

Went to see the house again, today. My idea for the basement seems to work out perfectly. Got a little anxious when I thought about if I really know what I'm doing. I'll know if things don't work out. This video I just watched kind of gave me some hope, though. One of my newer favorite aspects about making movies- set design.

Yeah, I'll be fine. Tried to sell some more gold, today. Wasn't too sure about the price the guy offered. So, we didn't sell. I wonder if this is like one of those representations of this period of time in history.. How "we buy gold" appears more often and people talking about moving and getting jobs.. I'm completely unaware of the times, so I hope I don't end up speaking for anyone. When we do end up selling it, it should be enough to get utilities switched over or something. No rent until March. Hm. Too good to be true, so far. Either way, I'm ready to check "Live somewhere else" off of my 6 month to-do list. Then, I'm sure all the other crud will get checked off after.

That's basically it. Practiced my future 'daily routine' in the basement, too. Then of course, when I mention that, I think of how much of a nail in a coffin type of thing the phrase 'daily routine' must be, but ha I actually wrote an essay on that general scenario. Not exactly the same as what I wrote, but it's kind of just "light at the end of the pregnant" or "hope on the horizont" kind of thing because it's just. hey. Like shore, too. That's kind of why religion uses so many metaphors and references about light. I've come to discover that religion is based in a lot 'recovery.' Whenever you're out of it, you can always just take whatever has been distracting you and replace it with whichever church you like. Some people need it a lifetime, some people need it just to get back on their feet. There we have it. Nothing too assertive in my words to make anyone feel too strongly, right? I'm not trying to make a new point, but I'm making sure that I know that I've noticed it. Should've used examples, but that's for another time.

Now, I'm convinced I was thinking about that earlier today. Even though the only reason I brought it up just then was to explain to myself why

Literally just got distracted by that gold necklace hanging from a thumbtack. I've become like that one Gollum hey. Literally no reason not to just hock it. Chill up my spine. Actually imagining getting a meat cleaver and cutting it in half so it looks like it's still there, while I take the other half. Heh, well at least I still have patience to fall back on.

Sell.

How Easy It Is Is.

Today was Matthew's birthday. For the first time in any conscious history, a person has gotten a birthday cake with "Happy Birthday Though" on it. I feel privileged and not flattered. His dad had reserved a row of tables at this Mexican restaurant next to his mom's house. It was the first surprise party I've ever been to. I didn't even know they existed. We had been waiting in our seats, just anticipating the face and first sounds he was going to make upon seeing everybody there, after he was understandingly reluctant to go in the first place. Afterward, we went to the movies and saw Precious.

Wait, short and simple I guess. Before that, all I did was help my mom do her shops at 3 different GNC stores. Things are going ok so far, I think. Something tells me that an old method of mine deserves retiring, though. I feel that I definitely should put on some man shoes. I'm myself, grown up, but I think I owe it to myself and others to return my end of the bargain. <- That sentence was basically just a bunch of cliches about deals crammed into a sentence. All I can gather from what I mean, is that I need to:

1. For mine self: I need to make it apparent that I am going to accomplish each one of those things I have written down in that notebook.
2. Forn Others: I need to show my gratitude for all they've done for me. I won't do anything silly to show it. They'll get it, and they'll know why- or not.

These ain't resolutions as hell. They're conditions because of the fact that the common theme is "deal." I can imagine how this could be mistaken as one of those stomach ache entries about "alright, things are gonna be better a'cause I'm gonna do thisssss.." but I kind of look at it as myself just having all this potential energy (and I mean potential energy, not "potential" because that part is already established) that I forgot to tell everybody they can tap into. For me to select a group of friends, and show them the potential energy, is kind of selfish. That way, everything I do actually is legitimately for myself. I can be like all narcissistic in a way, like I'm supposed to, and still cover it up. I'm distracted, though.

Still kind of ashamed that they still have the wrong idea about it. Rosebud situations.

What I'll do, since I'm gonna be talkin to people more often anyway, is just kind of tell them the truth. That's what I know for fact I'm going to do with my life. My career is taken care of, it just has a floating job title. I can tell my friends' rich parents I'm doing these things, if I need to. They like that type of thing for some reason. They still suggest college. I'll start using the "I'm to nervous about college" thing for this season. I'm good. I'm sure it is in the range of easy.