Near The

Went to see the house again, today. My idea for the basement seems to work out perfectly. Got a little anxious when I thought about if I really know what I'm doing. I'll know if things don't work out. This video I just watched kind of gave me some hope, though. One of my newer favorite aspects about making movies- set design.

Yeah, I'll be fine. Tried to sell some more gold, today. Wasn't too sure about the price the guy offered. So, we didn't sell. I wonder if this is like one of those representations of this period of time in history.. How "we buy gold" appears more often and people talking about moving and getting jobs.. I'm completely unaware of the times, so I hope I don't end up speaking for anyone. When we do end up selling it, it should be enough to get utilities switched over or something. No rent until March. Hm. Too good to be true, so far. Either way, I'm ready to check "Live somewhere else" off of my 6 month to-do list. Then, I'm sure all the other crud will get checked off after.

That's basically it. Practiced my future 'daily routine' in the basement, too. Then of course, when I mention that, I think of how much of a nail in a coffin type of thing the phrase 'daily routine' must be, but ha I actually wrote an essay on that general scenario. Not exactly the same as what I wrote, but it's kind of just "light at the end of the pregnant" or "hope on the horizont" kind of thing because it's just. hey. Like shore, too. That's kind of why religion uses so many metaphors and references about light. I've come to discover that religion is based in a lot 'recovery.' Whenever you're out of it, you can always just take whatever has been distracting you and replace it with whichever church you like. Some people need it a lifetime, some people need it just to get back on their feet. There we have it. Nothing too assertive in my words to make anyone feel too strongly, right? I'm not trying to make a new point, but I'm making sure that I know that I've noticed it. Should've used examples, but that's for another time.

Now, I'm convinced I was thinking about that earlier today. Even though the only reason I brought it up just then was to explain to myself why

Literally just got distracted by that gold necklace hanging from a thumbtack. I've become like that one Gollum hey. Literally no reason not to just hock it. Chill up my spine. Actually imagining getting a meat cleaver and cutting it in half so it looks like it's still there, while I take the other half. Heh, well at least I still have patience to fall back on.

Sell.

Nap

Just woke up, right quick. Ate that slice of carrot cake that I was trying to save room for. It's ok, though. Worked the bulk section. I was out of it, today. Self-esteem, kinda. Eh.

Actually, last night, I knew that at some point today my mood'd be altered by the fact that I'd become sleepy later on. Just sleepy, not the other mood alternators.

Activated debit card, two days off tomorrow and the day after. First weekend in a while, and it's not even on a weekend. I have somewhat of a little day planned for tomorrow, though. Nothing huge, but just a casual errand day. That I approve of.

Then, next Friday, I get to go to the aquarium. So, I'm good. Oh yeah, this one mad who gave the vibe of a stand-up comedian was talking to me today. Talking about health foods and giving off the aura of a confident worker. He must know a thing or two. Literally.

ok, plus I was probably subconsciously slipped the notion of wanting to eat lasagna for dinner tonight, now that I think about it. Alright, already ashamed of wasting space for today.

Heap.

Leisure Cout

yawn oh yeah, no. Another failed attempt to try to see that movie in theaters. Can't see why it isn't meant for me to see the movie, though. I think it's a money thing. I have the money. I may have even set aside the money to see this movie. Is it not the right time? Why would this movie, of all movies, only be at one theater and have only 2 obscure showing times. Seriously. It's like one of those plot devices. It's just there to kind of, fill the list of movies currently playing. Oh my god. Now it's not even playing anymore. Well, here goes a note to self. [Make sure that one day you get a private screening of 'that movie' in a theater.]

I'm not into just seeing movies. It's just this one that I was specifically trying to go see. So. Oh well. Imagine spending all that money on making a movie, specifically for the purpose of not letting anyone watch it. What is this, a Dear Diary type of deal? Anyway. Day off and did nothing completely worth while. Learned some and got some ideas, but not a jam-packed day.

The plan was to deposit my check, today. Decided to wait. Though, I did get my debit card in the mail along with a college brochure. Just two separate things in the mail on the same day. Tomorrow, I have work in the morning but it's grocery, so it's easier when associated with having to wake up early. I mean, morning + produce = 7:30 and tedious. The fact that I already know that.

So, I've decided on the basement, I think. I haven't told my mom I want the basement, but she said it didn't matter which room I chose. My only problem is that there'd just be an extra room upstairs and even if someone did move in with us, they'd have to share that bathroom with my mom. Haha. My plan is to kind of make a bedroom-studio thing, where one half- the closest to the closets and bathroom- would be the bedroom and the other half would be this studio idea I have. I hope I don't sound ridiculous, but at the expense of whoever, I can see exactly what I'd be doing. Like, when I have a day to myself, I can: wake up, shower [YES], teeth, and get right to work. And when ideas hit in the middle of the night.. well hey. Office, too, for a place to keep those big-ass notebooks that take up space all the time. Then just kind of pull all-nightons.

Basically, the same feeling of 'too-good-to-be-hey' but that's how I felt about being able to get the house back in the first place. Still, yeah, other people in mind. Actually, now that I mention it.. Ha, I was at Nick's house today. Fide had just taken a shower when I got there. Alex didn't say anything but she took a picture of me with her phone for the sake of posting it immediately. Nick mentioned something about "everyone thinking they're number one until about the age 23." One of those things I didn't want to take his word for, but I felt like if I was just ignoring something I happened to hear then I'd be fooling myself, yet if it holds true, then it probably means it doesn't matter if I so happened to hear it. Kind of welcoming another paradox, about now. Heh, feeling comfortable around paradox.

Oh and that's why I brought that up. That one tense conversation.. concept of "which one of us is going to buy houses for the others." Er, that's what I like to call it. That's how we all found each other, I believe. It all started when we died. Basically. Just how poor guy just "one day I'm gonna make it big and do something nice for all my friends." when you can tell he's.. in short... missing something. Something. Missing a certain concept that all people who have "made it" are aware of. Or missing the point of why you feel like you should do this in the first place. Or just missing the ability to feel the same way you did when you said that. Can't just "I'm not saying that's not me" or "Not saying I'm one of those." I just kind of like how it's a floating frustration. You state how you're going to make life better for your friends. And your friends just stare. Or, if one of them's in a specific bad mood, then you get a "you say that shir all the time." type of thing. I guess it has to happen when it happens. Now is the time where the hindsight proof of the future is being made. You know, to look back and "oh yeah TreadTreadTread was always the better one when it came to CradleCrabCredit."

I wouldn't look so hypocritical if everyone else wrote this type of crap, every day.

Seriously No Trend

Just need to remind myself to check that other 'professional' email account.

It's crazy to watch honey dripping into a bigger container of honey. I got a check. I don't know where it's from, though. Plus, I'm lying. Oh yeah, off tomorrow. I deem that my final chance to see that movie I've been trying to nab the opportunity to see. Agh, one of these 'update' types of posts. Well, I have much more to offer each day, but the problem is that, while I'm in someone else's house- the internet is stopped at 12 or earlier. Bullpie. But if self-indulgence and crazy notions about the future is (or are) the reason(s) I need to keep track of what the hell has the ability to go on...then, fine. I wonder if I'll have the.. oh my god I can't remember the 'I' word. Ok, "initiative." The initiative to ugh... 'draw' then I'll at least know I can think (heh can't remember that figure of speech) at the... _______. Or something.

That's what usually happens. Clearly, I'm allowed to give myself a break, but I can't tell. I don't have "anything on my mind." Seems like it's just goals. One of those "anything you set yer mind to. Hey." binds. I'm basically (ha a reason to use the word again) involved in this glitch where I'm able to describe a day that I wasn't supposed to remember.

Oh yeah, I need to sit and think of every single memory I can remember. I bet I can. The first one is always that time I fell off the go-cart at my dad's friend Martin's house. I can't remember if that where I got those scrapes on my face or if it was that time I feel on some brick stairs at the projects. Heh the go-cart was probably more bodily. Oh yeah and the time I laid on my back right in an ant pile, pretending to be a dog trying to get its belly rubbed. Uncle Jerry's friend, or whoever, rubbed calamine lotion on my back. Ugh. Still, if I can remember I poured honey and got a check today, then I should be good. Ah, and Tash driving me back here with Chaz. They got their apartment or whatever. That cake I ate today because it expired today. How I vividly remember one week ago, them being put in display. While my mom was being forced to listen to a joke that someone was forced to try to say. Pretending not to know specifics.

Ha, the juxtaposition of all the stupid places you end up in the course of your life. Hiking with people who would later become enemies, while imagining that you're a monkey or something. The first time I ever got a hold of the word "bee-otch" er "beyotch" or whatever. My aunt's Marilyn Manson phase and how incredibly unlikely that'd seem, kind of. Using my camcorder to record a music video about a "bandanna and a vendetta," not fully knowing what a "vendetta" is. And I'll always remember when I broke my favorite root beer mug. That entire apartment. Oh man, those kittens. Star. A dog named "Tank?" Gah, this all has existed.

Memories. Which reminds me. Photographic memory.

To Do This Quick

Er, brought some apples back. For myself. Who knows if the car thing will end ok or end badly. A lot of those mini instances where you kind of get excited and feel evil because it's something that you've trained yourself to think is risque. Hell, at least I'll still have my library card. At least I'll have some people to put in a good word, when I'm done. In more ways than one, the way I see it. Pieces of chicken and pieces of orange peel. Sounds like kitsch, speaking of which. Yet, for those of the culinary favor. Sounds Asian, in English terms. If even. Still unrelated.

The cookies that my mom made, half chocolate and half orange-peel somethin, plus the secret shop which involves the chicken. That's what happened. Then, who knows if the mail is going to bring us her check, in time. If not, then oh well. All of these tense relationships with folks I think I get myself into. I keep just writing it off as "gah should I say something? nah, when I get that fancy camera I'll just make a video explaining that person and I's relationship. Then, they'll get it." but that's just kind of.. lost in life.

And my 'little group of friends' are probably the worst. That's the only way I was allowed to finish that sentence. I'm sure I'm not the only one who sometimes feels like their friends are just chaos without them. That's a reason to want to move away. Too late, now. Knee deep. That's another reason I wanted to have the little picnic concert thing. So pleasant, right? Who'd oppose? Er maybe the house'll help. Ha, contrast. I mean, by that, even if the house doesn't allow me to mend my social (ugh) life back to health then it'll definitely power up that person I used to be when I lived there before. Now, to clarify the 'social' thing, it's just... I'm not necessarily dependent on other people but a good and healthy team just makes things feel like they're moving because you're hearing your progress from all different sides. I literally just made most of that last part up because I pressed the J key in order to make sure italics was off.

If I can't trust the people that I thought I found in the most appropriate places, then who needs any of them? Er, that is, in the possibility of me not being able to work together with some people. Gah. Hell, for me to understand at least. If all else fails, then I'll do what I can by myself. Like summer '07. Insane power house thing going on. The alts like me, at least. New groups of people, sounds like. Can't complain unless I know I'm not happy in the end.

ok, before internet is deleted for everyone.

Hungries

4-8. Longest feeling day, though. All I can think about right now is those disgusting, moldy, green lemons that sprayed spores into my face basically. Hope I'm not infected. Worked with my sister. I think I might have eaten pretty well today. I must have been legitimately hungrier than other days. Deprive, kinda.

Today was Fide's birthday. Too bad I couldn't see him or whatever. I'm not one to care about having to make sure to see someone just because it's their birthday, but heh I mean especially since I'm supposed to be celebrating holidays and birthdays this year. Not saying I didn't celebrate, just saying that would have instated or whatever. Heard he got some of his beloved Steven B's pizza. Also, yeah, our groundhog didn't see his shadow.+++

Tash not movin' in with us though. Yet. I'll figure it out. I got this far, at least. I can make something up. At the expense of wasting space, I kind of just want to type about something else. If I could just figure out what can set me off into some other, I guess, tangent.. then I can feel like I did something. I guess I can just be like.. this is a checkpoint.

The house is check. That money I just happened to get, checked. Er, well I mean. I already have a to-do list. The only thing bound to expire is a movie I feel that I need to see in theaters. Heh and that's not even... Ok, some way to get back into career mode. (ha, now I get it.) I'm just going to take a bit to see where I was before I got this job. Hm, well those moldy lemons could make for a good stupid sci fi joke idea. Especially since I'm probably pretending to feel dizzy right now. Yes! That window I had opened earlier is gone! Oh my no. I've become one of them. Heh, at least it wasn't a a.

Escaped

Even Better

We were just given the key to the house. Just like that. In a month's time we should be fully ready to just go ahead and be there. We could start moving now, but we'd have to have the utilities in our name to be allowed to. New carpet and some other nice looking flooring. Can't wait to start various junk drawers. Something about it makes me nervous, but I'm ok with it. Tash did seem to kind of calm down once she saw it. So if she doesn't move in, then I'll have to spend more obviously.

Kind of proud that something, either out of my imagination or through one of those supposedly 'humans made this up' ideas, actually came true. At this rate, I'll be... washed up in no time! Like, soon I can do the whole "anything you set yourn minde to" thing, but who knows. Egg rolls. And the backs of my heals are itching because of the healing. Gah, it seems routine, but I don't think I've ever worn the skin off of my heels that bad before. Then, I've never been that careful about them either.

So, two things on my mind. Two main topics. Get these out of the way, then move on. Well, I mean. Two things that are just going to need some time to settle since so many ideas spawn from the specifics. One is, of course, the house and all the things that would be possible. The other is my ability to just go for it and talk to people. Luckily, the other day, someone I actually didn't completely know about started the conversation. And right on time, that stupid timed internet cut-off thing turned off the internet at 12! w00t. So, now, not even sure if it's ok to return to that conversation because I don't want to seem like a cresp especially after I look poor after internet cut off thing. (internet is actually set to turn off at midnight, at this house. disgusting.) Ruined someone's night. I'm not trying to compare that one to other situations because I'm just trying to be nice. Not trying to, I can't help it. Still, I guess it doesn't hurt as bad as it seems to just start by saying "hat" oops I meant "hey" type of thing.

Build friendships, I suppose, is the point. Hm, I should repeat that somehow....

Build friendships, I suppose, is the point.

well yeah. If you (in this lalala world) are someone's friend, then all the other junk just doesn't matter!!!!!!!!!!!! I've no doubts, realistically. One name that I keep on picturing right now because I'm saying this. He seems like he could be a friend. Not the same person as the other, or the other other, but I'm sure he won't disappoint at helping me practice building some new 'ships. Think we've been trying to bag him for a while. Party members. Gah parties. house fantasy, again. Man, I hope it's like I've been imagining.

Toast.