The first time you hear advice, you just hear it.
The next time, you try it and it just might not work.
The third time, you say no because it didn't work out, as it turns out.
Then you hear it again and you've gotten so desperate that it finally makes sense.
Now you're the one making people hear the advice, and you wonder if there's even any use in telling it to them the first time.
But luckily enough, yeah you're you. Oh, praise the sweet ones- even if the only sweet one you believe in is yourself, in which case- oh, praise the sweet ones.
And all thoughts are thoughts. Some just make the cut. And with all the things that "make the cut", there's bound to be a few that abuse the privilege. Whatever it takes to get back into your own swing'o'things, will just have to do. We go through a buncha puberty in our lives in one way or another. If you have to force yourself to be who you used to be, then that's fine. Eventually, you'll get used to it. That despair of knowing that you're lying to yourself is just another rogue thought. Just be careful that you're not force-feeding yourself a new thought for the wrong reason. Even things like wearing shorts after a lifetime of wearing pants is a funny little mini-puberty. Unless of course you're suddenly super-psyched on wearing shorts. Anything you're suddenly super-psyched on, you should at least try to do- and the amount of thought behind it is up to your discretion.
That's what I meant, I figure.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Ripe
Oh, right.
This point in the year. Well, sir, it wasn't a year. I caught on. I'm surprised that I found out but even if I didn't, then I'm still in for a treat. Reading back on last year's junk, I thought "hm, well I can't do this again" and hell if I'm not somehow finding myself doing exactly that. Impossible to tell whether or not I've been thinking for the past moment. Cooool.
And that's what I mean. If I want a tiny thing done, then it's already being started. It's a skill I learned from this "year".
It was around this time last year that I was confirming something that would somehow end up relevant once again to the past week. This year's little gift wrap says "Greetings from New England" or whatever that area of the world is.
Even though I'm beginning to worry if that's the extent of my discovery- researching from the outside until it becomes less interesting- it's still an concurrent treat. It's kinda relaxing to know that I made a D or a C on this pop quiz of a year. I say that because apparently I made a B- in 2010. There were a lot of "ohh i might fail" points but I think I've got enough backbone to get it together. These were moments of being overly sure; "oh I can't be any dumber than myself from a few months ago". It's both true and not true. I had a candy shell at the beginning of this year. All I had to look forward to was How I Met Your Mother everyday before school. My business model was a sick rediscovering of the flaming lips. And I was taking creation tips from the clown folk from LA. It was all forced. It was only proper. I was still trying to shake 2010.
But then on April 30th I saw a music video that changed a lot of things. It reminded me of a lot of things. It told me I was slacking though I had once been on the right track. It kinda blatantly destroyed one of the reasons for my candy shell and it basically helped me understand that I was better than the school I was ignorantly going to. I won't say who yet because that defeats my purpose but I owe this guy a sandwich or something. The idea of friend that I had previously wished that I had to help bring me back to my roots.
Moving to a place and finding people to grow up with after being nowhere just changes your unmolded views on things into a widely-used view. I had finally ended up in a society. Marietta, I mean. It all finally clicked; social norms. I didn't know any better; I didn't know that I could be convinced and disciplined into ways of thought. I don't know, I'm just saying I'd gotten distracted and that it's really weird to just finally be able to have spontaneity being the label to whatever causes me to do things. Basically, in 2011, I learned that psh, errthing i do is completely ok.
So yeah I'm glad I'm me and that's fine but I can't shake the thought that I'm not me yet just because of those one or two or three or more erks in life that just haven't become perfect. I want all my friends in a room, I want to end as much of "shit got real" as I can, I want to get this part over with, and I want to get as close to my own personal utopia as possible. And I've got a few things to remind me it's possible.
And back to the year. I didn't take summer courses because I didn't even consider the possibility until it was too late. Same old. Plus it didn't help that the seed of personal, logical disdain for school had been planted at the end of my first semester. So I had a rough-feeling summer. It was very hot. It still is, for winter. I thought I'd enjoy it but I'd been lied to in a way. Even then I couldn't snap out of it and just get a job or something. A lot of summer was just ignoring a lot of things and just being sweaty. That reminds me that this was also the Marta year.. Still, a very slobbery and moist summer. I just get the feeling that this summer can be best represented by those disgusting burgers that were served at my birthday party. Genetic WonderDrug was there. That was that.
Thus, most recently all that there is to show is that, yeah we lost the money battle. I was far too latent, and I guess that's what I missed. Whatever tho. I used to be awesome at self-discipline until society kicked in, if that's what you want to call it. No one does though, which is good. So yeah I'll say I got a C this year because I learned but I did nothing. So, what.. I performed two shows, went to community college, saw some celebrities, and uh. Well, I 'met' someone else who might be a cool plot device. We've got all the equipment we need. I've got some self-respect. I might be moving. I guess at this point I'm just curious as to what happens next.
I hope the weather changes, though.
This point in the year. Well, sir, it wasn't a year. I caught on. I'm surprised that I found out but even if I didn't, then I'm still in for a treat. Reading back on last year's junk, I thought "hm, well I can't do this again" and hell if I'm not somehow finding myself doing exactly that. Impossible to tell whether or not I've been thinking for the past moment. Cooool.
And that's what I mean. If I want a tiny thing done, then it's already being started. It's a skill I learned from this "year".
It was around this time last year that I was confirming something that would somehow end up relevant once again to the past week. This year's little gift wrap says "Greetings from New England" or whatever that area of the world is.
Even though I'm beginning to worry if that's the extent of my discovery- researching from the outside until it becomes less interesting- it's still an concurrent treat. It's kinda relaxing to know that I made a D or a C on this pop quiz of a year. I say that because apparently I made a B- in 2010. There were a lot of "ohh i might fail" points but I think I've got enough backbone to get it together. These were moments of being overly sure; "oh I can't be any dumber than myself from a few months ago". It's both true and not true. I had a candy shell at the beginning of this year. All I had to look forward to was How I Met Your Mother everyday before school. My business model was a sick rediscovering of the flaming lips. And I was taking creation tips from the clown folk from LA. It was all forced. It was only proper. I was still trying to shake 2010.
But then on April 30th I saw a music video that changed a lot of things. It reminded me of a lot of things. It told me I was slacking though I had once been on the right track. It kinda blatantly destroyed one of the reasons for my candy shell and it basically helped me understand that I was better than the school I was ignorantly going to. I won't say who yet because that defeats my purpose but I owe this guy a sandwich or something. The idea of friend that I had previously wished that I had to help bring me back to my roots.
Moving to a place and finding people to grow up with after being nowhere just changes your unmolded views on things into a widely-used view. I had finally ended up in a society. Marietta, I mean. It all finally clicked; social norms. I didn't know any better; I didn't know that I could be convinced and disciplined into ways of thought. I don't know, I'm just saying I'd gotten distracted and that it's really weird to just finally be able to have spontaneity being the label to whatever causes me to do things. Basically, in 2011, I learned that psh, errthing i do is completely ok.
So yeah I'm glad I'm me and that's fine but I can't shake the thought that I'm not me yet just because of those one or two or three or more erks in life that just haven't become perfect. I want all my friends in a room, I want to end as much of "shit got real" as I can, I want to get this part over with, and I want to get as close to my own personal utopia as possible. And I've got a few things to remind me it's possible.
And back to the year. I didn't take summer courses because I didn't even consider the possibility until it was too late. Same old. Plus it didn't help that the seed of personal, logical disdain for school had been planted at the end of my first semester. So I had a rough-feeling summer. It was very hot. It still is, for winter. I thought I'd enjoy it but I'd been lied to in a way. Even then I couldn't snap out of it and just get a job or something. A lot of summer was just ignoring a lot of things and just being sweaty. That reminds me that this was also the Marta year.. Still, a very slobbery and moist summer. I just get the feeling that this summer can be best represented by those disgusting burgers that were served at my birthday party. Genetic WonderDrug was there. That was that.
Thus, most recently all that there is to show is that, yeah we lost the money battle. I was far too latent, and I guess that's what I missed. Whatever tho. I used to be awesome at self-discipline until society kicked in, if that's what you want to call it. No one does though, which is good. So yeah I'll say I got a C this year because I learned but I did nothing. So, what.. I performed two shows, went to community college, saw some celebrities, and uh. Well, I 'met' someone else who might be a cool plot device. We've got all the equipment we need. I've got some self-respect. I might be moving. I guess at this point I'm just curious as to what happens next.
I hope the weather changes, though.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Differing Delusions of the Current
Only problems warrant a text entry.
If I can quit yarning on, then my only problem is money.
Other than that, I've seen celebrities in the past month or so. I've seen them, and that's simple enough. Though, there's no use in seeing them. The only thing I realized is that it's awfully dumb to be held back from speaking to them. Just, no matter how cool you're being, sometimes you can't convince yourself to speak to someone who doesn't know you as well as you know of them. I only wanna be friends, bruh. And so does this large crowd behind me.
But like in any unestablished relationship, the first sentence has to be spoken (and registered) in order to resolve the uneasiness of the situation. Someone has to speak, but also, someone has to admit the honest truth about what's going on in the situation. Still, I'm convinced that all I need is a group of friends behind me or a tinge of misery in my surroundings and I can talk to anyone.
And that's October.
Now, I'm just worried. Money.
On the bright side, I won't be any more poor than I am right now. "O really, how do you figure?" Well, it's not one of those latent situations. There's debt involved, but there's also some hope on the horizon that's basically private. From now until the beginning of December is a black hole- the donut hole. But I don't know. I can't go too far this time without convincing myself to ignore tiny excitements.
Realistically, that's kind of what I said about August. And sure enough I'm imagining a schedule conflict.
If I can quit yarning on, then my only problem is money.
Other than that, I've seen celebrities in the past month or so. I've seen them, and that's simple enough. Though, there's no use in seeing them. The only thing I realized is that it's awfully dumb to be held back from speaking to them. Just, no matter how cool you're being, sometimes you can't convince yourself to speak to someone who doesn't know you as well as you know of them. I only wanna be friends, bruh. And so does this large crowd behind me.
But like in any unestablished relationship, the first sentence has to be spoken (and registered) in order to resolve the uneasiness of the situation. Someone has to speak, but also, someone has to admit the honest truth about what's going on in the situation. Still, I'm convinced that all I need is a group of friends behind me or a tinge of misery in my surroundings and I can talk to anyone.
And that's October.
Now, I'm just worried. Money.
On the bright side, I won't be any more poor than I am right now. "O really, how do you figure?" Well, it's not one of those latent situations. There's debt involved, but there's also some hope on the horizon that's basically private. From now until the beginning of December is a black hole- the donut hole. But I don't know. I can't go too far this time without convincing myself to ignore tiny excitements.
Realistically, that's kind of what I said about August. And sure enough I'm imagining a schedule conflict.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Slide
Well, nowhere to start because let's just say I'm prototypically "freaked out".
It's been 6 hours since my most recent huge car crash. Something about this kind of just proves that eh "my mind is not turned on, right now" or something to illustrate that sensation. Fuck, I was in a car crash. Cars crashed, tonight. This was probably one in at least a hundred other car crashes tonight because it was raining. That's what I did today, though. I watched the weather reports and considered complaining about nothing. I guess the bottom line is that I'm vexed because I am at home writing this in the same night. You should have seen it.
I remember not being scared and being disappointed that I wasn't scared. I remember thinking about how it had to be a joke, or thinking something was going to get me out of this. I'll admit that it was like a movie, except it was just any old movie that I probably saw when I was like 4. I also remember thinking about, while I was thinking it was like a movie, all of the people who said that their crashes were like movies. Right now, though, I'm thinking that I didn't actually think about any of those things and that I'm convincing myself that those are true.
Either as a human, or as a citizen, or a kid, I spent the rest of the night trying to freak out. I was trying to become all emotionally compromised and shocked. I know how they say you don't feel pain until you've calmed down but all I got is a slightly smashed thumb and a bump in my knee. My stomach hurts, but whose wouldn't?
Well, if you must know, the most recognizable thing I feel is uh, let's call it "loneliness". Before any conclusions- who the hell feels that after a crash, right? I mean I still haven't told my mom yet and I'm also thinking- "oh crap, who would I call if I was in an even worse situation than what I'm in right now?". But overall, I feel nothing. I even tried joking, throughout. The only, only thing that got to me was the text message: "Tell him that I love him." That's touching as hell. That can seem like so many things to so many people, but so does everything else. I don't know what it is, but it's cool. See it how you want. It was just a message sent after a blink-of-an-eye moment of blood and metal and nervousness.
One side of me keeps on rooting for "you coulda died tonight!" which is actually, when it comes down to it, ignorant to disagree with. Another side of me is just contemplating not going to school tomorrow because of this, and instead just going on a shopping spree. But I was told to keep going there tonight, too. I was told in the way that, if I kept going to school that I wouldn't have to end up in more car crashed. But. I guess I have the rest of the semester to disagree. Right now, I wish my mind was set on finding some dopey profound meaning to the incident. If it was worse, that would be easy. If it was the worst then then it'd go back to impossible because folks are quick to ignore death and stuff. So it's at that level. Well, except in the case that those people that we hit tonight worked hard as hell to have those cars or something.
Oh yeah, I only explained the mental stuff and nothing about the moment of impact and all that crap. That'll be explained at some fancy dinner, though.
It's been 6 hours since my most recent huge car crash. Something about this kind of just proves that eh "my mind is not turned on, right now" or something to illustrate that sensation. Fuck, I was in a car crash. Cars crashed, tonight. This was probably one in at least a hundred other car crashes tonight because it was raining. That's what I did today, though. I watched the weather reports and considered complaining about nothing. I guess the bottom line is that I'm vexed because I am at home writing this in the same night. You should have seen it.
I remember not being scared and being disappointed that I wasn't scared. I remember thinking about how it had to be a joke, or thinking something was going to get me out of this. I'll admit that it was like a movie, except it was just any old movie that I probably saw when I was like 4. I also remember thinking about, while I was thinking it was like a movie, all of the people who said that their crashes were like movies. Right now, though, I'm thinking that I didn't actually think about any of those things and that I'm convincing myself that those are true.
Either as a human, or as a citizen, or a kid, I spent the rest of the night trying to freak out. I was trying to become all emotionally compromised and shocked. I know how they say you don't feel pain until you've calmed down but all I got is a slightly smashed thumb and a bump in my knee. My stomach hurts, but whose wouldn't?
Well, if you must know, the most recognizable thing I feel is uh, let's call it "loneliness". Before any conclusions- who the hell feels that after a crash, right? I mean I still haven't told my mom yet and I'm also thinking- "oh crap, who would I call if I was in an even worse situation than what I'm in right now?". But overall, I feel nothing. I even tried joking, throughout. The only, only thing that got to me was the text message: "Tell him that I love him." That's touching as hell. That can seem like so many things to so many people, but so does everything else. I don't know what it is, but it's cool. See it how you want. It was just a message sent after a blink-of-an-eye moment of blood and metal and nervousness.
One side of me keeps on rooting for "you coulda died tonight!" which is actually, when it comes down to it, ignorant to disagree with. Another side of me is just contemplating not going to school tomorrow because of this, and instead just going on a shopping spree. But I was told to keep going there tonight, too. I was told in the way that, if I kept going to school that I wouldn't have to end up in more car crashed. But. I guess I have the rest of the semester to disagree. Right now, I wish my mind was set on finding some dopey profound meaning to the incident. If it was worse, that would be easy. If it was the worst then then it'd go back to impossible because folks are quick to ignore death and stuff. So it's at that level. Well, except in the case that those people that we hit tonight worked hard as hell to have those cars or something.
Oh yeah, I only explained the mental stuff and nothing about the moment of impact and all that crap. That'll be explained at some fancy dinner, though.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thus
But then i remembered, I'm no twee.
Yeah I just read a blog post by that ol' pretentious friend of mine. That's not the word anymore, though. Like I said, his word is histrionic. He's that one in the group. But what I agree with is something about the familiarity of this.. this thing that I'm doing right now. I remember last year, when i was in fact a twee, still being awake at this time in the morning being able to type out some teeth-grinding garbage. Either way, this is irredeemable. That either means that it's so personal that I can't stand to return to it, or that this is actually just despicable to do. Doing this only reminds me that I have a vocabulary, but I mean. I've been seeing things like rubik's cubes lately. Eh ever since the big shift in brain chemistry (flowery flowery flower lwla) that I claim not to have done, the problem is just the fact that myself in the future will find some reason to pick on myself in the past. For good or bad reasons. And that's just it. This is here for me, basically, and I'm basically my audience. It's easy. For some reason, this is what I'd like to read if I had to read someone's bogus-ass journal. I get what this guy's referring to, all the time. <-
Ain't nothin' gon' be the end-all be-arnold. This is good. This will be a lot of fun.
Yeah and if I want, then I can remember stuff. That's what I used to like about this. But me doing this, is a waste of time at this specific moment because my back hurts and there's money issues afoot.... I can't be completely aggravated with myself if I'm honest, I guess, and besides, I'm not trying to entertain the mascot of 2010 anymore. See, I get what this guy's saying. I'm a rapper!
Yeah I
Yeah I just read a blog post by that ol' pretentious friend of mine. That's not the word anymore, though. Like I said, his word is histrionic. He's that one in the group. But what I agree with is something about the familiarity of this.. this thing that I'm doing right now. I remember last year, when i was in fact a twee, still being awake at this time in the morning being able to type out some teeth-grinding garbage. Either way, this is irredeemable. That either means that it's so personal that I can't stand to return to it, or that this is actually just despicable to do. Doing this only reminds me that I have a vocabulary, but I mean. I've been seeing things like rubik's cubes lately. Eh ever since the big shift in brain chemistry (flowery flowery flower lwla) that I claim not to have done, the problem is just the fact that myself in the future will find some reason to pick on myself in the past. For good or bad reasons. And that's just it. This is here for me, basically, and I'm basically my audience. It's easy. For some reason, this is what I'd like to read if I had to read someone's bogus-ass journal. I get what this guy's referring to, all the time. <-
Ain't nothin' gon' be the end-all be-arnold. This is good. This will be a lot of fun.
Yeah and if I want, then I can remember stuff. That's what I used to like about this. But me doing this, is a waste of time at this specific moment because my back hurts and there's money issues afoot.... I can't be completely aggravated with myself if I'm honest, I guess, and besides, I'm not trying to entertain the mascot of 2010 anymore. See, I get what this guy's saying. I'm a rapper!
Yeah I
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Oh
And I also go back and forth about whether or not I'm ok with having this type of "blog". So, thats a part of it.
And I was dumb in 2010 but eh
And I was dumb in 2010 but eh
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Perspective
Alright.
I woke up at 2:50 PM, for example. I mean, I was supposed to be in Atlanta, eating lunch.
I should be ashamed of myself, really. I went to sleep at 6 am, after having woken up at 11 pm. I thought it was around 4 am when I woke up, though. Before that, I went to sleep at some point in the afternoon. Uh. Well I didn't sleep the night before, and went to sleep from 12 to 4, I guess. Nightmare.
I did, embarrassingly, dream though. But it's not ok because the only reason for that must just be some type of change in my diet. Whether an amount of food, or just one dollar-store brand pain pill, this also must be a result of this whole sleep-terror-carnage-hammer crap that I must be doing. It is very stomachache-worthy.
But why "write" after all this time? Because. It's one of the things that I do, apparently. You know, so I can be all "I do this, this, and this kinda". Maybe, though. It'll just be a part of it. It's ok because I know for fact that me doing this right now has absolutely no histrionic intention. And as a note to me in the future; I know.. it only gets more ironic. Eh, I'll only learn more about new words I guess.
Ok, so it's too late for me to respond to my job offer, I'm sure. So, the only other option is to wait out this hedonism, and do something new. At least something new won't be grueling. Yeah yeah yeah, the feeling of "dread" at the thought of putting on an apron and washing veggies. I'm still not ok with that. I found a dead spider in the celery once. Oh yeah, that's why I came up with that "pest vs. pesticide" crap. True, though.
Alright so I'll do this. My thought is just that if I have something to show for being alone, then it'll only gain me merits. No frosting and representational bacon for me, no more. "Alright, I get it. Beds are comfy." And anything that you can have an argument with yourself about it just good television.
Yall, I'm Donkey.
I woke up at 2:50 PM, for example. I mean, I was supposed to be in Atlanta, eating lunch.
I should be ashamed of myself, really. I went to sleep at 6 am, after having woken up at 11 pm. I thought it was around 4 am when I woke up, though. Before that, I went to sleep at some point in the afternoon. Uh. Well I didn't sleep the night before, and went to sleep from 12 to 4, I guess. Nightmare.
I did, embarrassingly, dream though. But it's not ok because the only reason for that must just be some type of change in my diet. Whether an amount of food, or just one dollar-store brand pain pill, this also must be a result of this whole sleep-terror-carnage-hammer crap that I must be doing. It is very stomachache-worthy.
But why "write" after all this time? Because. It's one of the things that I do, apparently. You know, so I can be all "I do this, this, and this kinda". Maybe, though. It'll just be a part of it. It's ok because I know for fact that me doing this right now has absolutely no histrionic intention. And as a note to me in the future; I know.. it only gets more ironic. Eh, I'll only learn more about new words I guess.
Ok, so it's too late for me to respond to my job offer, I'm sure. So, the only other option is to wait out this hedonism, and do something new. At least something new won't be grueling. Yeah yeah yeah, the feeling of "dread" at the thought of putting on an apron and washing veggies. I'm still not ok with that. I found a dead spider in the celery once. Oh yeah, that's why I came up with that "pest vs. pesticide" crap. True, though.
Alright so I'll do this. My thought is just that if I have something to show for being alone, then it'll only gain me merits. No frosting and representational bacon for me, no more. "Alright, I get it. Beds are comfy." And anything that you can have an argument with yourself about it just good television.
Yall, I'm Donkey.
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About Me
- Peetoes
- Well, as far as I can tell.. I am a man now, but like... I am a guy who thinks he has like good morals and virtues or something but also thinking those are stupid therefore coming off as a bad prick rather than a good prick.