Well, at least one of us is fired from a job.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Points to Have Been Made

The first time you hear advice, you just hear it.

The next time, you try it and it just might not work.

The third time, you say no because it didn't work out, as it turns out.

Then you hear it again and you've gotten so desperate that it finally makes sense.

Now you're the one making people hear the advice, and you wonder if there's even any use in telling it to them the first time.

But luckily enough, yeah you're you. Oh, praise the sweet ones- even if the only sweet one you believe in is yourself, in which case- oh, praise the sweet ones.

And all thoughts are thoughts. Some just make the cut. And with all the things that "make the cut", there's bound to be a few that abuse the privilege. Whatever it takes to get back into your own swing'o'things, will just have to do. We go through a buncha puberty in our lives in one way or another. If you have to force yourself to be who you used to be, then that's fine. Eventually, you'll get used to it. That despair of knowing that you're lying to yourself is just another rogue thought. Just be careful that you're not force-feeding yourself a new thought for the wrong reason. Even things like wearing shorts after a lifetime of wearing pants is a funny little mini-puberty. Unless of course you're suddenly super-psyched on wearing shorts. Anything you're suddenly super-psyched on, you should at least try to do- and the amount of thought behind it is up to your discretion.

That's what I meant, I figure.

Saturday, December 17, 2011


Oh, right.
This point in the year. Well, sir, it wasn't a year. I caught on. I'm surprised that I found out but even if I didn't, then I'm still in for a treat. Reading back on last year's junk, I thought "hm, well I can't do this again" and hell if I'm not somehow finding myself doing exactly that. Impossible to tell whether or not I've been thinking for the past moment. Cooool.
And that's what I mean. If I want a tiny thing done, then it's already being started. It's a skill I learned from this "year".
It was around this time last year that I was confirming something that would somehow end up relevant once again to the past week. This year's little gift wrap says "Greetings from New England" or whatever that area of the world is.

Even though I'm beginning to worry if that's the extent of my discovery- researching from the outside until it becomes less interesting- it's still an concurrent treat. It's kinda relaxing to know that I made a D or a C on this pop quiz of a year. I say that because apparently I made a B- in 2010. There were a lot of "ohh i might fail" points but I think I've got enough backbone to get it together. These were moments of being overly sure; "oh I can't be any dumber than myself from a few months ago". It's both true and not true. I had a candy shell at the beginning of this year. All I had to look forward to was How I Met Your Mother everyday before school. My business model was a sick rediscovering of the flaming lips. And I was taking creation tips from the clown folk from LA. It was all forced. It was only proper. I was still trying to shake 2010.
But then on April 30th I saw a music video that changed a lot of things. It reminded me of a lot of things. It told me I was slacking though I had once been on the right track. It kinda blatantly destroyed one of the reasons for my candy shell and it basically helped me understand that I was better than the school I was ignorantly going to. I won't say who yet because that defeats my purpose but I owe this guy a sandwich or something. The idea of friend that I had previously wished that I had to help bring me back to my roots.

Moving to a place and finding people to grow up with after being nowhere just changes your unmolded views on things into a widely-used view. I had finally ended up in a society. Marietta, I mean. It all finally clicked; social norms. I didn't know any better; I didn't know that I could be convinced and disciplined into ways of thought. I don't know, I'm just saying I'd gotten distracted and that it's really weird to just finally be able to have spontaneity being the label to whatever causes me to do things. Basically, in 2011, I learned that psh, errthing i do is completely ok.

So yeah I'm glad I'm me and that's fine but I can't shake the thought that I'm not me yet just because of those one or two or three or more erks in life that just haven't become perfect. I want all my friends in a room, I want to end as much of "shit got real" as I can, I want to get this part over with, and I want to get as close to my own personal utopia as possible. And I've got a few things to remind me it's possible.

And back to the year. I didn't take summer courses because I didn't even consider the possibility until it was too late. Same old. Plus it didn't help that the seed of personal, logical disdain for school had been planted at the end of my first semester. So I had a rough-feeling summer. It was very hot. It still is, for winter. I thought I'd enjoy it but I'd been lied to in a way. Even then I couldn't snap out of it and just get a job or something. A lot of summer was just ignoring a lot of things and just being sweaty. That reminds me that this was also the Marta year.. Still, a very slobbery and moist summer. I just get the feeling that this summer can be best represented by those disgusting burgers that were served at my birthday party. Genetic WonderDrug was there. That was that.

Thus, most recently all that there is to show is that, yeah we lost the money battle. I was far too latent, and I guess that's what I missed. Whatever tho. I used to be awesome at self-discipline until society kicked in, if that's what you want to call it. No one does though, which is good. So yeah I'll say I got a C this year because I learned but I did nothing. So, what.. I performed two shows, went to community college, saw some celebrities, and uh. Well, I 'met' someone else who might be a cool plot device. We've got all the equipment we need. I've got some self-respect. I might be moving. I guess at this point I'm just curious as to what happens next.

I hope the weather changes, though.


About Me

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Well, as far as I can tell.. I am a man now, but like... I am a guy who thinks he has like good morals and virtues or something but also thinking those are stupid therefore coming off as a bad prick rather than a good prick.