Study

Today would and could have been, and probably is, a day set aside for "studying." The fact that this is probably my 'homework.' Yeah, I mean. I kind of subtly did nothing today. I was wearing pajamas for the first act. I still wasn't sure if work, or something. I feel like I'm hiding from a person. Oh man.

Tash came over, and brought some dvd's. My goal was for her to kind of bring me some movies to get ideas from. Ideas. Ha, it's probably not the case but specifically I had her bring that.. Faster Pussnen Cast, Klid! Klid! By Ross Mayor. That was the highlight, apparently.

I guess anxious because it's like on hold. Oh yeah, crarp. I have to celebray next month.
Alright, yeah actually getting more and more anxious. ok, I'm going to make sure I see this every time I skim through this.

If it didn't work out by now, then leave!

(a note to self.) I want to make sure I can fall back on certain..ty? ok, and no telling if I actually made it a point to "write" everyday this year but so far I basically did. I mean, I do want to make sure I remember each of the days just in case. And kind of to see if every single day actually exists.

ok.

Look Alike

Hey, how's it goin'. 8:00 thing. I went to Hank's after work. The fact that I.. gah. Mr.K was shouting in the background "way to go!" Well, ok I'll accept it. Oh I had a Brunswick Stew at that Old Ephraim's place. Safe feeling. Crap, forgot dessert.

It was easy-going, though. I like grocery better. Oh yeah and mom said she called our old landlord (if that's actually what it's called) and it's good news. He's heard from other folks, and would be willing to hold the house for us. Hah sounds good. That's all though. Which means another one of these:

So, on the note of that bit of good news, I guess that means I will end up staying in town again. Now, I'm not sure how that's going to go. I'm not seeing the house the way I've been seeing it, anymore. I don't know, but I guess it's a start. Yeah, it's all a start. Hm, I'll be taking my rebirth righ quick. I mean in the way that with my 'resolutions' in tact (HAH!) then I'll just get that good mix up Pito that just kind of fits. Sorry, though. Picture facebook statuses pouring out of my ear or whatever. Yeah, Be Little.

Not in that mood where I'd be saying those ideas, but hey. Borrow some movies, keep going along with it, move, go a little longer yet easier, enjoy what time there is left with those people who could be leaving soon, figure it out, find something better, then flee! Hell, I don't care. I like this ability to do things just because I am the person who I control. I was right about "feel like thisssss." Oh yeah, heard from Justin (not directly) and I still have some skepticism about what I'm hearing but hopefully he'll arrive next month. Ok I don't know if I am wrong but if I am not mistaking this cast of circumstances, it looks like things happening to fall into a certain place. Not the same place I imagined before, but a couple of prequels.

I thought travel was in the cards, though. I guess the "two steps forward and three steps back" thing keeps on being relevant. I'm getting the feeling of "too late." What if it was my mistake to allow myself to end up here in the first place? Well, literally two points of view come to mind. I can always picture Fide saying I'm here because I made the choices to end up here. I can picture whatever it is that has been telling me this whole thought-process that there's a reason you're here, and why you're going back. Look's like I've been given a month's deadline for this side of town. If I don't find the hidden treasure, then who will? Er... what will replace it?

Yeah. One of these.

No Not Now

I actually have the right to say today was a bad day. I don't even remember the bulk of it, willingly. I went to... work... at 7:30 this morning. I was a little late or something but good God, what the hell? Where the hell did this come from? How the hell did I end up with a job? I was just sitting here, literally minding business of my own, and all at once I have an obligation to get up and go to work. Then, of course, the whole nation economy "should be glad to have job" thing. Well, in that case, it's the same situation as last year. I should be grateful about things? I'm incredibly grateful in my own way, but there are valid reasons not to be in the right light.

Ok fine, not allowed to complain or something. I did need someone to talk to, though. Too many things are caused by other folks' feelings, so even if I did get a response it's be like scattered because it's not exactly what was wanted to be said. Yeah, it would be. I would happen to hear exactly what I needed to hear. Or should I rely on that? I'm just not in the mood to work in a produce section in January 2010.. er February, mostly. So I went on my first ever lunch break of all time. Saw two people I knew. He was right. I was "trippin' " stumbling over everything I was doing, at that point because of my shock at the fact that here the hell I am.

That's about when I found out I wasn't even done. I did whatever else it was that I did, then I walked around aimlessly, putting off using the phone. I eventually called Nick because it's Friday, and I got him to get Alex to pick me up. I gave her the chocolate that my sister gave me, and we went to the high school. I went in by myself, and saw Fide in the hall. He was so clearly in a bad mood. He was in an 'everything pointless' somewhat mood. You can tell, at this point, that bad mood is in the air today. We went into Philosophy Club for a second, but he wasn't really up for it, so we just sat out and tried to find our own bit of meaning.

Then, the solitude broke, as the usual Friday happened. Alex was at the school, ready to pick us up to hang out with Igor. We got in the car, and she was crying again and that whole thing worked itself out. Then, I got anxious so I called my mom. I was going to call and mention that I was planning on going to Nico's but oh well, that's gone.

I actually dreaded coming back here, today. This morning was the absolute worst. "Make your bed" bull shit. Fuck that. And that's a valid point. I did not want to come back to this place of all places after a day of doing those things of all things. My time spent on this planet, or whatever. I'm worried. On the way here, I finally asked Tash why she had to go and set me up with this mess and I guess she did what she could to help. When we got here, I was not ready to back down after such a literally dreadful day. Ha, I dreaded each moment actually. I talked and I yelled and I complained, kicked and screamed basically, all the things you do when you feel trapped. A settlement was reached. After I noted the intricacies of these horrible personal living conditions, I gained an edge in the conversation. I listed all the minor details of being in this house, including: that disgusting feeling of the door knob to the pantry, the grime that I try to avoid getting under my fingernails when I open a cabinet, the limited showers, having to get offline at midnight, the internet cutting off when the phone rings.

I can't go into that right now. I'm not even sure I want to remember this. Imagine how disgusting hindsight of this place must be. Basically, any other ideas would be an escape plan. All I can think of would ultimately be described as the secret passage way. Not secret, though. Backdoor, again. If I become a full-time student (wait, what?) or get a better job offer, or if we just go ahead and move to the house in Alabama. All backdoor. The full-time student thing was just kind of pushed by the fact that I watched the writer-director commentary of a certain movie, last night. Made me realize that I don't necessarily have the means by which to do the whole 'pick up a camera and film' thing. I can try either way, but school would be the only way for me to try out the school concept.

I'll do some research. Right now, I'm just discontent.

Precautionary though

I'm full. Listening to MC MassMurder. Where is he, actually? January 14th, apparently. Now he's out somewhere. Hopefully soon, though.

Alright, I didn't want to wake up as early as I did. I got dressed and went to that job interview at my sister's job. It was incredibly easy going, and I guess I became more optimistic about it at one point. It wasn't really an interview type of interview until later, though. That's when it got kind of aggravating, I guess. The worst thing is that ringing sound. Hopefully, I won't be near it. Eh. No, "ugh" actually.

After that, I opened up a checking account. Put in that $100 I was secretive about, on Tuesday. The bank on the square. We left, and I was just kind of down in the dumps or whatever. Not in a good mood. Like, a human type of 'bad mood' that you can say "aw cheer up" to. Just morose, or whatever. My iPod shuffled in order to basically tell me to cheer up. Well, oh well. I can a appreciate a bad mood, once in a while.

So, tomorrow I come in to work, basically at 7:30. I'm supposed to learn how to open. Oop. Hopefully some good will come out of is.

Today.

End of the Woro.

Alright, so I think I'm letting one trait of mine take over the rest instead of balancing it out? I've just been talking in 'life LIFE LIFE LIFE' terms. Just the ability to say "life." Ah, but to grow disgust in the ability to say words is the calling card of a cynic, kind of. In this case, it is.

We're just kind of debating the ability to be incredibly aware of the infinite amount of things without just completely losing all humanity. I don't mind. I'll disagree again later on, I'm sure.

Anyway, I could say nothing happened today. Just an incredible amount of detail that echo against other days. Or the other way around. How today and yesterday involved Chili Peps and Bittersweet Symphony. Hm, this morning seems like a long time ago because of the whole "bad rap music videos that went viral" thing. I guess that double-date went fine. I request no detail.

I talked to Grant, and we finally discussed the whole tension about all those pictures that come up, basically. No progress, probably. Anyway, I did the first step in pitching the idea of having that next 'secret' Cool Winners show at Kennesaw Mountain, as a picnic deal. I wanted to do another Graivdiggo when I was in a good mood earlier. Then I combined that with that confidential idea, which I just remembered was confidential in the first place. Not really confidential, I'll hint to it.

Then, moments later, my mood changed for the day. Ha, horoscope. I found out that Tash had gotten me a job interview at Life Grocery, tomorrow. I applied last year, and I'm actually kind of "bummed" because I actually took the time time yesterday to apply at two different places I would like to work at specifically because of the fact that they sell DVD's and music. In parallel to the last couple of conversations I've had today, I guess it'd be hypocritical of me to excitingly answer those "strongly agree" questions in those applications last night and then to just feel differently about how I'd act in a work place just because I'd have to be around vegetables instead of movies and music. Barely hypocritical, they're different things! It would be valid of me to have an entirely different appearance just because the scenery has changed.

Then of course, what I mean. Started off with the "cynicism" motif, then moved on to 'quotes' and on to just plain words. All kind of a cycle. Just be ready to explain. And repeat.

Amazing sandwiches today, though.

Greedy, kinda.

Well, I've been planning how I'm going to omit the highlight of my day for a while. Today was at least not one to be overlooked, I guess. Same as yesterday, I woke up and went straight to the mall (instead of the airport.) Yeah, but I did eat pancakes, though. I was laughing all the way back from the mall, too. I guess it was a genuine example of the feeling of 'joy.'

Whoa forgot this was going on. But yeah, on the way back I picked up my stuff from Nick's car. I'm missing the black t-shirt from my bag. I caught them as they were leaving to go on a "double date." Feels like amoebas. Hm, Buzz Lightyear.

I guess I actually did nothing, then. Today was probably just a catalyst for things to come. Last thing I did on the internet, last night was read about that whole film noir thing that I realize I know a thing or one about. Hah.

Not A Trend.

Woke up and had to get ready to go to the airport, right away.
I ate cereal. The last from my own personal box. I dressed up in a light blue polo over a my "Jesus Loves You" white t-shirt. I put on khaki pants and my red hoodie. Felt like I looked good, or other way around.

We did our business at the airport, which was to ask 3 people 2 different things, each. Simple. Then, my mom and I went to get 2 free bagels with coupons. I felt embarrassed because I was using half a brain. I should have gotten a sweet flavor and an orange juice to have made it worth while and dignified. I got plain everything, untoasted. Like I said, half a brain.

Drove through Paces Ferry and all that, which I realize is more familiar than I thought, and I stayed in the car while she shopped. That was all for that. I spent today reading about exploitation films. I tried to watch them, but I felt like I was wasting time. One of those dressed up days. It was sunny, too. Yikes. Now, that I look back, something about today better pay off.

I feel lively, but ashamed. I got a few good ideas, out of it though. Except they're the kind destined to be lost in time. Literally. I took time to try to knock something of my to-do list, which was "look through Fondue Social for offensive material." Easy, but at this point it seemed in vain because there has got to be a more convenient way. I've thought of releasing it in separate parts on plain paper, redoing each thing in there as a comic strip, and making it into an e-book. It's one of those situations where it looks less glorious the more I have to look at it. I don't appreciate it as much. I need an assistant. Not really, but some sort of adviser.

No obvious solution for the major problem. A secret solution for the recurring problem.

Let's Watch.

Hold

Ok, I have to kind of stenograph these minutes right quick.
Listening to old tracks that I wasn't able to listen to for a while. Made me feel pretty good, honestly. Maybe it had to do with being reminded of 2007. Last year in the house. That was the year where I was all so glee.

So that plus the fact that people 'liked' what I said about everyone I meet giving me character ideas, made me feel that ol' feeling I haven't felt in a while. It's good. Who to say no.

Now, the reason I'm scribing this is so as not to get these confused with the fact that right now I'm also thinking of Cool Winners comedy bits which is actually kind of a side thing now. Kind of bringing me down actually. I'm actually excited about the Cosmic Girl thing... but I ended up personalizing it.

The whole good feeling came from me thinking about, with the experience I have now, and the people who actually follow the things I do- what if I actually do something that'll.. I don't know. I looked up that quote from the Curtis comic I read yesterday. "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." Which actually turns out to be a Bill Cosby quote. It kind of reinstates the whole truth of how when I actually do the things that I like, then people also appreciate it. All I have to do is not do things that I like to do just because people like when I do it. Same with what Conan said about being kind. I'd much rather be kind these days.

Now, the feeling is back again now that I stopped talking about Cool Win stuff. It had also wobbled on the fence when I thought about if I had a website. I'm trying to crack this code. I obviously feel good when I have everyone's support, and that makes me want to keep doing what I like to do. Then I think about how to consolidate those things, which brings to mind.. agh Film, a website, and live shows. That's 50%. Ok, now when I think about those albums or whatever I feel enthusiastic, but I think it might be the whole creative control thing. Oop. Gone.

Ok this and the other are the things in my head. Actually, it seems to be the same thing. Is there such thing as staying in seclusion in order to work on yourself or is it working with the people who appreciate you that gets you into being more productive. And how to split responsibilities with a co worker, basically?

Today was a question day. Still is.

Bussed.

Well, although I actually had the chance.. this was the day in which I actually just stayed at Fide's friends house or whatever. It was cold, and I didn't have a decent place to sleep but I made the best. I watched the local "Cobb Educational TV" channel because it had some stuff about a couple of local schools in the county. Of course no Marietta because we're a different district. When Fide woke up, he said he had to go to his house for breakfast or something. I was given the choice of staying there and he'd bring me food, or actually just going to his house. I figured his house would be uncomfortable and dead end-ish so I stayed. While I waited for him, I watched Lethal Weapon 3, which I actually liked to my surprise.

He said he'd be back in 2 hours. I waited 3 before I left. There was a lot of potential of what I could've done that night, so I wanted to get to a place where I'd see someone. I started walking and decided I wanted to visit the Austin Avenue house. Such a weird thing to see. From there, I took the walk I always used to take when I lived there, to the square. I was there for a while, and just had a while to decide on what I was going to end up doing. To go to any civilization would be the same as Wednesday night. So, after I watched Nick's uncle Johnny taking pictures of the high school girls at the Black and White party, I decided I was going to spend another $1.50 in the bus back to here.

When I got back here, I realized I literally hadn't eaten all day. After all this, it really brings into question- do I move closer in order to have a place to walk home at night? Do I move away to find better folks to be around? Or just stay here but add car and job? So close yet far away from my dilemmas of last July. August. September. October. November. Was December the turning point? Oh, duh, New Year. Not my fault I believe in the apparent.

Cled.

The Big Rip Off

January 21st, though:

I wasn't supposed to: the common theme.

It was rainy, too, probably. Birthday basically. I probably wasn't the intention but I joined anyway. Melvin was involved. This day is better represented by pictures. Website.

They all did whatever, while I raised my eyebrows. No, I didn't. Yeah, a day of nothing really but still enough. I met a dog this day. We walked around the mall again. Samples. Not even worth.

Then this day:
Sausage biscuit. Shower. Shirt.

Oh ok this was the day where it was ok for me to wake up where I woke up. What on Earth happened? Oh that's right, Alex's emissions test. The day where Nick and I talked about the houses we would have if we could have any house.

Fide asked me if I would feed his friend's dog while he was at Philosophy Club, but I couldn't get in touch with him. We went to the high school, and I saw Mark for a second to return to Alex's car where Jenny and Fide waited in the back seat. Dropped Jenny off, and it was decided that Fide and I were to wait at Philosophy Club while Nick went to his Grandma's. Fide didn't really want to because they were watching a movie that he said was "a Wonderful Life" which I didn't understand since it's a Christmas movie. Turns out that it's actually Waking Life which obviously cleared things up for me.

I had described that I didn't like that movie the first time I saw it, but I realize now, that I actually took a lot from it. I won't describe what, but some things just come up like that. Surprised me though. Then, of course they all wanted to go eat, and I thought I was going to be able to eat with them. Nah. They had that pizza buffet bs. That's when I had walked around thinking about how I get myself in these situations.

Well after the Waller and Barnes & Noble, was when we were schedule to 'party' technically or something. In the empty house that Fide was watching. We had some drinks bought for us, in all honesty, and two separate groups of people showed up and left. Met two new people. Laughed at one of their existences. Did the whole Legend of Bagger Vance thing, and we ended up at Michael's house. I ate my pie that waited for me there. Tried to sleep there, but nah. Got back in the car and well just had to sleep at the empty house.

Simply put, I guess.

Sneak

This was how that day started, except I don't remember. Ok, now I do.

First thing that happened was that Uncle Mickey was gone, and my mom and I were supposed to do that Taco Mac shop. So, I felt alright to eat in a restaurant. Oh yes, then when were parked back here, I just sat in the car and listened to music for about an hour. I couldn't find a stopping point soon enough though. My plan ended up being to follow up on my plan to watch those movies at Hank's house. I called him, and he was at Nick's and I was supposed to go to his house at like 9 pm because I thought I had a ride.

When I realized that I couldn't get a ride, it reminded me of the fact that I could take the bus. So, I took the bus around 6 o clock which meant I was going to be in town earlier than I said. The problem was that I don't have my phone or anyway to tell anyone that I was going to be there. I was wearing my new leather jacket and my new shoes that Mickey bought for me, which actually led me to feel uncomfortable. I mean, I was holding the big Publix shopping bag and wearing big jackets makes me feel awkward and eventually the shoes rubbed off the skin on the back of my heals.

I walked all the way to Nick's house, and waited on Nick so that we could go to Hank's. Upon getting in Nick's car, I notice he's on the phone with Hank basically explaining that I wouldn't be able to sleep over at Hank's. We go to Hank's to find out that yeah I'm allowed but I have to leave first thing, which is just ridiculous. Nick and I just went to the Travis house where there was Jordan and Isaiah. Really nothing went on so I ended up sleeping at Nick's.

I actually thought I was not allowed at all to sleep at Nick's because that's how he put it, so I hid in the closet and slept. I hid all next morning until I realized that there was no point for me to hide.

That's just the first part.

Focus

Actually incredible inability to focus.

I was trying to be grumpy this morning. They're putting new carpet in our old house, looks like. I am determined. Yet, I'm sure I'm doing nothing about it. Shit in my way. Shell.

All day I was thinking of a response to a statement. Ok. Then, we saw Nico at the post office. Didn't hear the end of that one, though. Uncle Mickey bought me a leather jacket and a vest type thing and some shoes. Completely tuned out.

Was supposed to go wait on the repairman at another house. Unable to, for the sake of tomorrow's chicken wing assignment.

Ok, ok, o.

Retire

Hey, how's it goin'. I feel pretty beat. Actually hesitated when I wanted to say "pooped" in my own personal thing. That's even worse.

Ok, tonight was when Tasha's uncle Mickey came to visit. Went to thrift stores and wal-mart. Ate food, and Chaz came by.

I woke at Hank's house this morning, and I got a peanut butter and jelly smoothie. It's ok, it was breakfast. I actually haven't had appetite.

I've actually been kind of dismissive and tuned out for the majority of today. Kind of hard to snap out of it and live the moments once you've decided what's wrong with the picture. The longer the day is, the more people it could accommodate- but it doesn't. Short days happen when there's a lot of people.

I hadn't been makin' promises. So, good.

I'm Supposed To

Honestly 7 days later.

These two days basically. It was just kind of odd to go out for the weekend, starting Saturday night. Yeah, that's what the day was about. I regrettingly had to persuade my mom to drive me to Kroger to meet Jordan and Nick. I met Alex and Alex instead. I waited in there car until we all went to pick up Fide. He was acting apparent of the night that must have happened the night before. All I knew about that night was look-alike and unlimited pancakes.

Alex dropped Fide and I off with Nick, and in my seat was Thomas's phone. We went to Thomas's house. Jordan's idea to bring 3 pizzas and 2 bottles of "Dr. K" and I mean. I didn't eat, I guess. They were all like in and out doing their thing at the house, and Thomas looking up comedy videos and pictures. The pool and jacuzzi were still iced over. I'm only calling it a jacuzzi because that was Thomas's exact words. Nothing illiterate about "Thomas's," right? Anyway, watched Inglourious Men, that's for sure. Heart beating crazily though. Wanting them all to see the exciting conclusion. Eventually it turned out that everyone was leaving and we (Michael, Jordan, Fide, and I) were allowed to stay the night. While they settled down, I watched this documentary about zombies in popular fiction and stuff.

Next morning, we were supposed to leave pretty soon but I wanted to finish the movie Quarantine. Then we ended up at... eh, Kroger. We sat in the parking lot, nothing happening until Hank ended up in the picture. He was trying to contact me so I could help him and his dad move a couch from his grandparents' house. I left the other guys, and commenced with my mission I supposed. First time seeing Hank in 2010.

Eh, pretty big stomach ache, but I ended up staying over at his house to watch the Golden Globes. Gah. Oh yeah, watched Death Proof again. I guess.

Shame.

Alignment

Ok cool. Went to the mall for chocolate today. Gah. Seriously. At least I can check 'get calender' off of my "Righ Quick" list of things to do. I'm usually never here on Fridays. I guess it's my choice right now, but a little uneasy.

Ouch. Woke up to a good feeling, though. People telling me to go for it. In response to my quoting that "film maker who doesn't have a film" thing. I will. I'm still anxious about that house, though. No one knows, basically. I have a soul.

Looks like I'm not the only one who stayed in, today. So, I'm good. Embarrassed to hell and back, honestly. In that case, I need to start on phase one.

Garbage.

Soggy

Yeah, I mean today was under a ceiling.

Actually, yeah the news is showing itself to me. I'm seeing the news and I don't know what type of tangent it'll award me with. I'll do my best.

I'm also very interested in the NBC thing. I like how they're doing this, and how disappointment is being ironed out.

I did have some vivid dreams last night. Last night and today, I've been kind of having this inner excitement going on. I might have a problem trusting it, but I'm welcoming the ability. Moving is on my mind, and though this seems like a chemical thing, I'm working with it.

I just came up with the whole premise of that whole 'cosmic girl' story that I had been throwing around. I want to use this whole arrangement to try to be efficient in all the stuff I imagine is going on. I'm also going to go ahead and try to censor my book, Fondue Social in order to get it off the ground. Then, of course, I want to master the whole Gary & Arsen act. I mean, my heart is not 100% into it, the way I'm explaining it, I don't think. Feels like it, but I wouldn't know. I wish I could kind of spread that into writing my other three stories I've owed myself for a while.

What else is there? Gah, the news. I need a calender, too, in order to do the celebrate thing. Now, that I think about it. I probably wouldn't be able to get those three stories anywhere without a visual. They're visual stories. Literally. I'll figure that out.

Hah. Just heard "I'm not a guy who makes movies, I'm a guy who goes to movies." (Craig Ferguson) Which, I realized is the perfect quote for me to reverse. It's true. I'm not a guy who goes to movies, I'm (closer to) a guy who makes movies. All last year, me going to any movie was a complete disaster...no offense. Ok, I have to wrapple.

Tread.

Hint

I am just now realizing that today was supposed to be a bad day. Oops. Well, it started off pretty action-packed though. Yeah I see it, know. Ha, the prototypical 'bad' things happened today, and I just kind of ignored them. Not really 'bad' things, but tiny yet negative enough to just accept its existence without it hitting any soft spots things. My throat feels constrictive right now. I'm supposed to eat bad tomorrow, though. Not my fault.

I guess today didn't have the same thing as yesterday. It's wednesday, too. Wait. Ha, it's wednesday. One of those weeks where a certain person starts appearing all over again. Plus since today was planned to be a 'bad' day, then some things might have been domino-effected into the weekend. I'm prepared, though. I'm just ready to get the hell out. So, if I'm doing this daily routine I need to keep my parascope goin' or sendzone.

Kind of the edge of a cliff type of thing. Oh yeah, I was supposed to look up some things. Maybe that will be my productivity for today. Gah I sound like a class of 2011er. Even if the specifics are renegade.

Paces Ferry.

Try Not To Get Warm...

I was about to say I deserved that piece of pie. It was actually more of a hassle than it ended up being worth. Still, what I would have meant was that I did good today and if I were much more of a fan of key lime pie, then it would have been like a reward. I almost effortlessly worked on my health today. Gah, I mean, we have to get rid of the junk foods somehow, but Yes. I did ok for myself.

Oh, whoa. I recorded two "songs" today. One was this "rap" that I had kind of conjured up towards the end of last year out of what could be comically portrayed as angst. Kind of the paper towel used to pick up all the collected garbage after a lunch. I guess, to me, it accurately describes what was wrong with that period. In hindsight, this little track is self indulgent satire. Eh well.

The other one is something I was trying out with this old drum machine toy that I've had for a while. It's only 44 seconds and I forget the word to describe that type of garbage. I mean, it's not good to listen to, and it wasn't that much of a challenge. It's good for me, though.

I had soup for dinner, which actually doesn't sound like anything to mention. I guess I was proud because it was my choice. It was a significant point in the day though because I was able to talk to my mom. I guess the media is right about the whole family dinner thing. We talked about how we should actually try to move back into that house we used to live in, on Austin Avenue. She said the landlord wouldn't mind the bad credit thing. Also, we could move into the other side of the condo-ish house that Tasha's family has been living in. Honestly, though, I would really love to move back into that house. I mean, I would actually make an effort to be there. It's a house. Imagine having personal space, once again. We'll see.

I also brought up the idea of her crocheting hats, that I had mentioned to her before. I'm not sure if it will make for originality, but they'll sell. I'm sure. I've got ideas. Anyway, those are a few things that made today legitimate. Oh yeah and I did take a pretty long walk today, occasionally running in order to build up on that whatever it's called that I happened to read about, Sunday morning.

I have my own water jugs. Remembered "Ploffy Glosh." Ready to brush teeth for the 2nd time today. Vitamins. Ay yo.

Now I'm Allowed

Ok. I've been sitting here trying to do this character design. There, I'm legit. I'm trying to combine two different iconic figures because they're both iconic figures. I won't say who, but the result I keep getting is this koala version of Fide basically. I'm doing this for this idea I have, for what would be called a "graphic novel," that needs a main character. At this point, I'd have to redeem myself.

I'm not a graphic novel or comic book type of man. I know this because I actually have not the traits that they do. They hone their interests in far different ways that I care to know. From my point of view, these people that I am not of, these folks include average novel enthusiasts that have a thing to say about a book and this thing that I couldn't possibly get a hold of. They're just a different element. They have one face.

What I mean to say is that I was drawing... and then a story happened. I'm on no mission. I mean, now I am because it started itself. Fine, I'm not ashamed. I'm literally just kind of debating on giving any details. So I'll probably just turn this into mush. That's how I am with people these days.

While I'm at it, yeah, I've unresponsive to people. Which means unfulfillment. In order to follow through with one of those things, I'll have to work on that aspect. Gah, all I am is cryptic. Ok, the thing I started this thing talking about, I have given the title 'Tar-pit Super Stray" which is of course my own personal play on words (as opposed to Super Star.) Then, this paragraph was a little thing about me not really following up on the resolution of talking to people. Hah, ironic. The fact that I explained it, is the first step in solving that issue.

In other reality, I went to the unemployment office with my mom. The unemployed aren't even as miserable as expected. It's actually all good. Still, I have to do something to kind of get us out of this little situation. I want my mom to be the same as she's been. We don't need to worry that much about health right now. The fact that this period of time seems like this is all necessary. Well, I better not be passive and just wait for it all to transform into the next act. Ok, what am I doing?

Affirm.

Lol He Has A Cold

I would figure I didn't get much sleep last night. I must have. I was freezing.

The night ended with three party plans down the drain. I was waiting for the weekend to end, so I just dealt with the usual 'party hunt' crap so I could finally recuperate for this year. I probably won't but I probably really have to. I'll do it. Hey, where's my facade righ quick? Dodge them droll languages.

Oh yeah, I mean, that whole passive aggressive stuff arose again. It's gross. Then, no more slumber parties allowed basically. So, I'm outside in the car because it's 2:30. Not ditched or neglected or whatever, just making use. Except, I have no recollection of how this anti-theft stuff works which means I hesitate to get outside when nature calls.

I may have dosed off for a second, but after that I was shivering to no end. I had to do whatever it took to escape to the store. Kroger. It's open 24 hours. I made it look like I was there on purpose, for a second. Of course I walked straight to that ol' bathroom. The usual stall wasn't clean, though. Kind of basically.. possibly fell asleep on the other toilet seat a few times. I wasn't using it, though.

Then I stalled for more time, loitering of course, and eventually left. "You checking out?" or whatever the one lady said, obviously suspicious. I had to go back and try it again until the sun came up. Somehow, it did. Left the car once again and went back to the store, with money I found in the car. I went to the bathroom, and bought two Reese's eggs so I would look like I had a purpose. I sat in the Chic Fil A part for a couple of hours. Went back to Nick's at noon.

After that, I was actually kinda bright-eyed and bushy-heywhatsup. I got picked up by my sister and she took me back to mom's. She stayed around for a bit when we decided to go to that Wuxtry record shop in Atlanta, basically. I bought a cd from the 'local' section. Only because it was something that basically stood aside the entire time I was in high school. I mean. Can't, though.

It was a close one.

Whose Is This

This was probably the day I was just kind of dropped off at Fide's house.

Nobody did anything, and we tried to find something to work on but nah this day didn't happen.
We ended up doing a photoshoot. I mean. At least it's something. I almost had a movie idea.

Not like nothing happened, which explains the post-date, but it's just a few more words so I can finish this sentence.

Snow Stram

This was the morning where I woke up on the very top of this elevated road which later be on the news. So, which day is this, kind of? The night before- the day before.. when it started snowing. Snow can be written about. Disappointment in me can only be gotten rid of.

Oh wait, ok. So waiting at kroger the entire time. Saw that famous couple that was on the news because they can't just be left alone. Mr. K came in, too. Imagine the mistake that was made. Then Jordan was working, and he let me eat the sandwich he made for his lunch break. Fair. Then, I became alone for a second.

The plan was that we were going to get some group of people to go into the American Adventures amusement park, and explore or something. We got Jessica T (if I'm allowed to mention her at all) first and then waited on Jordan to finish his working. Agh grapes, I mean before that, there was the scene where Nick and I were in his car, riding up Burnt Hickory Road as the roads became icier. We saw this family-sized car in the opposite direction just as we were mentioning that we would have to look out for slipping on the roads. Then the car kind of shook, which caused us to kind of joke about it starting to slip. Then the car started to turn sideways. Nick drove the car to the left to kind of get out of the way as the other car spinned a few times. It finally just headed for the fire hydrant but gained control and just left. We couldn't really digest what we had seen but we continued.

So, Jordan is in the car. Oh yeah, beers. It's ok. It is literally ok. Michael Huber was coming to meet us there. Then we drove around some more. We just kind of marveled over the accidents happening in the general area. We claim that we caused one. We're not sure. It was just some Jaguar crashing into a flagpole outside of Nick's neighborhood. Another scavenger night, kind of.
We took the time to chat with this couple whose car was just kind of in a ditch across the street. They were fine, then we just left to get on to the next setting.

That's how Barnes Mill came around. That's where Michael's new apartment is. It's on top of this huge hill, as it were. It's known as icy roads plus elevations equals oops. It's ok we decided on parking in a neighborhood and journeying up the hill. It was a good walk. Felt like a personal adventure. Of course I forgot the perfect word to use in this situation. I am in denial about where I think my memory went.

We went up to his apartment, and I ate this pie. Ah man. I knew I'd miss that pie. I wonder if my fork is still there. We slept there though. Oh yeah, and I played The Booze on Michael's iPod. Ha, I'll have to explain The Booze significance. Sister is currently dating the frontman, basically. The same man at whose house Michael's band had recorded some stuff. Sentence structures. There. Gah but other stuff to explain. Ok that's that night.

Hey.

Here I Come.

I was planning on listing something. I forgot, but I need to change the channel. I know what I mean. I've accidentally gotten ahead of myself because it's not the behind version of me that I'm worried about. My teeth are confused. They're in their cars texting people, wondering what went wrong.

Looking for an excuse, I just decided that this is my first weekend. I diddent. Ok, in all honesty- Bandit the German Shepherd running back and forth playing with Chris. There's the reality.

Could tell myself it's too cold to concentrate, but I'm supposed to like the cold. I just haven't hopped in, yet. When I hop in, then I'll hop in. I mean I was going to use the word 'hop' otherwise, but if I don't explain it, then others will get it wrong. Hop in to the cold. Hop in to whatever the hell is next.

Hey.

The Big Cheat

All I can begin with is the fact of one of those days where you kind of wish you knew who that guy or girl in the movie looks like. I only figured out about 2.

I guess it could contribute to the whole idea of fantasizing about yer fims. Wishbone.

Oh and then the night before is supposed to be top secret. That's why. Even if it did kind of work, I wouldn't admit to it. Still, within there was a good concept.

I almost let it slip, but it only made for a good laugh. That's what was funny throughout- accidentally letting someone hear something. As much as I hate covering things up, it wasn't in the stars to let anybody know anything.

It's meant to be. Take it from there, me.

I've Decided

Wait, this at. Still considered the holiday break, or what is this? Kind of headless these days.

One of those things where I'm going to wait for things to get back to their normal patterns, but instead I just get fired a lot. Well, I'm almost unsafe. It's just going to make me look like I'm lost in the wave of some text imagination.

Reality, real quick.

So What's The Limit Supposed To Be?

It was one of those days where, instead of taking a shower, you end up eating two carrots and starting to record two rap songs without finishing them. Oh, probably looks like I'm trying to do some impressing. At least I've got something to say. I didn't think I'd come up with anything, but I've been done justice so far these days.

Also another one of those days where you look back at the old things you've written and get impressed. I mean, it's no big deal to you but its significance to me comes from the fact that I've been trying to do all of that recently when I've already perfected it.

Alright, I've got to get back to work. For real, this time. Er, this item.

How Easy It Is Is.

Today was Matthew's birthday. For the first time in any conscious history, a person has gotten a birthday cake with "Happy Birthday Though" on it. I feel privileged and not flattered. His dad had reserved a row of tables at this Mexican restaurant next to his mom's house. It was the first surprise party I've ever been to. I didn't even know they existed. We had been waiting in our seats, just anticipating the face and first sounds he was going to make upon seeing everybody there, after he was understandingly reluctant to go in the first place. Afterward, we went to the movies and saw Precious.

Wait, short and simple I guess. Before that, all I did was help my mom do her shops at 3 different GNC stores. Things are going ok so far, I think. Something tells me that an old method of mine deserves retiring, though. I feel that I definitely should put on some man shoes. I'm myself, grown up, but I think I owe it to myself and others to return my end of the bargain. <- That sentence was basically just a bunch of cliches about deals crammed into a sentence. All I can gather from what I mean, is that I need to:

1. For mine self: I need to make it apparent that I am going to accomplish each one of those things I have written down in that notebook.
2. Forn Others: I need to show my gratitude for all they've done for me. I won't do anything silly to show it. They'll get it, and they'll know why- or not.

These ain't resolutions as hell. They're conditions because of the fact that the common theme is "deal." I can imagine how this could be mistaken as one of those stomach ache entries about "alright, things are gonna be better a'cause I'm gonna do thisssss.." but I kind of look at it as myself just having all this potential energy (and I mean potential energy, not "potential" because that part is already established) that I forgot to tell everybody they can tap into. For me to select a group of friends, and show them the potential energy, is kind of selfish. That way, everything I do actually is legitimately for myself. I can be like all narcissistic in a way, like I'm supposed to, and still cover it up. I'm distracted, though.

Still kind of ashamed that they still have the wrong idea about it. Rosebud situations.

What I'll do, since I'm gonna be talkin to people more often anyway, is just kind of tell them the truth. That's what I know for fact I'm going to do with my life. My career is taken care of, it just has a floating job title. I can tell my friends' rich parents I'm doing these things, if I need to. They like that type of thing for some reason. They still suggest college. I'll start using the "I'm to nervous about college" thing for this season. I'm good. I'm sure it is in the range of easy.

Firework Mistakes.

Ok cool, I get to tell how New Year's went.

It starts on the night before New Year's Eve. Nothing happened, but I did just kind of pick up this composition book that I had been waiting to steal. I tried to write down this topic that had finally manifested itself in the last month of the year. That whole flip flop between trust and buying houses for your friends.

Then, I slept because I guess that last part was close to irrelevant. I woke up and kind of hid in the room I was sleeping because there were people talking. I was treated to breakfast, met up with Nick and Alex. All of us, excluding Alex, went back to Hank's and kind of recharged or whatever for the night ahead. My intention was to at least take a shower and kind of freshen up, hell, so I could impress some folks. Did that, I guess, and spent a lot of the time I was there looking through a 2006 yearbook, which was my freshman year actually. I also helped with the unclogging of this lint filter on the side of Hank's house. I don't know how much time we spent there, but when it got dark we had three pizzas. Oh man. Then, how Hank eats chicken wings.

Night began. Alex picked Nick and I up, I had to run back in to get my jackets and dress shirt. She brought a pizza box from her house. We went to Nick's house so Nick could get a shower while Alex and I went to the other Alex's house so that they could go over some blood money. We went back to Nicks, picked him up and they had to go to the bank. They were going to go to that other party, so it was decided that I'd wait at Kroger for the Briana party to start at 9:30.

At the store, I talked to Andrew for about 20 minutes to pass time. Then, I left and went to my favorite bathroom to stall some more. Stared at myself in the mirror, and shaved. Ha. Then, I started to walk toward the party. I crossed the empty street, and when I ran, money fell out of my pockets. Some change, I mean. I picked some of it up, but that's when the cars decided to show up. Right as I got near the high school, I remember I was kind of talking to myself trying to explain "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" to myself when someone called my name. Surprise. Turned around to see Bryttne, who I went to school with, and her mom looking for the same party. Luckily, I know where it is, so I hopped in and we showed up. It was odd because I was invited, but I didn't see the invitation so I didn't know if I missed anything. I was literally there for like 30 minutes kind of on edge as usual, until Nick and Alex came back to pick me up to go to the Buy Wag party. Oh man, these guys again. Not really. It was 10 o clock and it took us 27 minutes to get there. We saw Hank leaving as soon as we got there.

I hesitated to walk in because it was just flashbacks of went down here, last time. We went in fine, and as soon as I made it to the living room I hear bunches of people excited to see me for some reason. I was humble about it since I was kind of freaking out about the place anyway. On one side, I would have wanted to stay since I got such a welcoming but hell, this place is this place. So we left after about 10 minutes. All of us went back to the Briana party, where I had decided I wanted to be there when the year changed. Me and Nick sat and ate their "puppy chow" mostly. Then, he and Alex left there after a while. I was pretty good by that time so it was all alright. I got tiny, yet valuable, pieces of praise when I was there. Man named Scott said I posted awesome statuses on the old facebarn. The man from Slumdog Millionaire said I looked enough like Jacob from the Twilight movies. A Michael complimented my videos. Another man named Michael. I know them both, of course, but in this case, they're Michaels. Harry was there for some reason, and I didn't recognize him at first. I got Robert Smith's hat. Then, they fire works. I mean, somewhere in there was when we moved to the living room to do the countdown.

Later on of course, I got anxious again, so I used Vinisha's phone to send Nick a message, asking where he was. He was already at the party Justin had put together. Ha, have to explain that later, too. Still with the phone, I walked into the hall to call Hank to see if he would still pick me up and take me either back to Buy Men, or to Justin's. Right when I got him to figure out that it was me, Briana's dad walked by me and grabbed the phone from my hand and starting shouting things into it. First time feeling that uneasy this year. I got the phone back to find out that Hank had already gotten settled for the night. Then I remembered. Bryttne's mom had said "if you see her leaving at about 1 o clock, then you can hop in and get a ride" or something. Gah, so I actually did. Then, I went to Justin's.

I showed up. One of these nights from the week before, basically. Hugged. Walked right to the kitchen to get a drink because I was kind of done for the night. Then Jessica came and made it clear that she wasn't 100% comfortable there and she left after a bit. Made sense. I remember feeling this sensation of how I was slowly becoming what everybody else was and comparing it to how it must feel to...become a.. eh whatever. Then, Chase approached me and kind of advised me that I should start trying to get girls or something. It was a surprisingly decent conversation, but I couldn't really explain it the same way it happened. As the topic turned into 'torrents,' Denzel was there, and he kind of just stood and kept his distance from the other folks at the party and he talked to me for a second.

One thing I find about this year so far, is that I can just talk to people for some reason. Don't let anybody tell you that the New Year isn't significant.

Although I tried to drag the party outside in homage to New Year's 2008, the night just kind of ended indoors, and I just kind of kept to myself from then on. The next morning, who knows what. All that was going to happen was that Justin was being taken back to the airport. Early enough, there had been some pictures from the night posted. Everyone kind of left, but Justin and I were still there waiting on "Aunt" Christine and James to get ready to go to the airport. When they were ready, Justin asked to see Mr. K one last time before he left. So, that was it for Justin. I was the last one of his friends to talk to him, I suppose. Last thing he told me was "ras." Appropriate, though.

James and Christine went ahead to buy me a thing from Taco Bell before dropping me off at the square, as I requested. No such thing in coincidences these days. I was compelled to walk into ol' Cool Beans, for warmth and bathroom. I never walk into that place. I walked through, pretended not to see them, and went to the bathroom and talked to myself for a second. Walked back out and oh there was them two from Buy Wag last night. Ha. Talked to them for like an hour, as Cool Beans actually closed early or somethin. They left, and I walked to Waffle House righ quick. Called Alex and she came and got me, and besides the fact that my sister came and got me from Nick's, I guess that's the end. Heh.

Then I came back here, and finally decided on my resolutions. There was a point to this, I suppose.

New Year Paradox

Resolution being to celebrate all holidays and birthdays, within reason.
Celebrating today by resolutions.

I have 2 years on this heart throb pass. So I resolute to take the offer.

Possible resolution of living like a no-budget king.

I want an above average dental health personality.

I want to talk to average city folk and shop keepers as much as possible.

I want to feel like thisssss.



There. literally 2 cents.