Trouble

Well, I don't know. I'm getting a sense of "offended". I am somewhere in this thing about.. I don't know. You know how I am. I end up talking about junk like "universes" and stuff. Of course the only remedy is to be in what you call the "real world" and just get into some trouble. Apparently, these are called "reality checks". They're actually pretty stupid, but I'll bite. Last night, yeah, I was in the "real" world, just kind of being forced into a bad situation that I somehow apparently got myself into. Stupid. Any serious situation is actually just stupid, at this point. What is this.. "desensitized"? Well, like I had kind of tried to say before... there's got to be a difference between desensitized and just thinking a lot more than feeling in certain situations.

Ok, I won't really ever claim to be "wrong," but just imagine having an internal conflict where the only goal is to prove that whatever I did was right. This situation kind of applies to a lot, I guess. Kind of seems to be my ultimate lesson this year. Goes something like.. Trying to make things right before "it's too late" can probably only make things get worse.. or at least more "wrong". I, in respect for myself, just can't necessarily allow someone to tell me I'm wrong. It's just.. not the right type of thing to be told. Then, it feels like I'm doing a whole lot of good things in order to sort of "save up" for one 'bad' thing. There's no telling. There's no right opinion.

Eh. I know I'm just listing a bunch of iceberg tips worth of topics, but it's all I can do. I have this notebook, that I call my Sort this $#!* out book. You know. Ugh. I know. I just feel as though, reality or not, I need to sort out my "universes". I know that me even talking about stuff like that is only a phase, but maybe it's what I need to do right now. I guess this counts as my "trial and error" type of thing. Where I actually do try things, and find out how it doesn't work. Actually, one thing about last night... What about situations where I actually don't think before I speak. Ha because that was my only fault. Saying something. Admitting, basically. Still, it's like a rare thing. I'm not one to say things that end up making things wrong. That's whats odd. One of those things that really make you into a kook. Convincing yourself that deus ex machina is goin' on.. except opposite. Eh. Well, I mean. At this point, the one thing I'd like to make right is that I am not, nor will I ever be, considered a "bad friend" or "not a friend". No.

Ok, whatever. I don't deserve to be embarrassed, therefore, I won't be. I'm fine, I'm good.