I'm on the bus. My next stop is in like 4 hours I guess. Who knows.
Other than that, the other thing, I am going to State College because that's where Justin ended up and he's inviting me there for about a month. I don't know exactly how that's going to work because I have possible holiday plans elsewhere but there's no turning back. I'm guessing I could find some type of tiny.. micro job to get some extra change to either travel or just kind of feed myself for a moment. I don't know if I'll somehow be able to film anything, but I'm hoping so. I have a plan for just in case there's any hope left in creation. I don't know where all of these things go.
I'd watched a bunch of documentaries in that little bit of time at my sister's friend's house. I learned about, mostly, how folks like me even attempt to get stuff distributed or whatever to get by for a moment. I'd hate to come off as one of those couch-hopping folks but there's a little bit to be learned. It's just funny to see the role played by those who own the couches.
The trend I've noticed with going from place to place is that there's always the roles of: the connect, the pet, the indifferent, and the awkward. The connect is the friend that invited you there who never entirely says anything directly about when things start to kind of take their toll with you staying there, but it's mostly a good relationship until then- it doesn't end bad but there's always a weird air about it. The pet is the pet or pets that you hang out with at the house- not always an animal but it's always kind of glad to see you there because hey- you're another friendly face- and it doesn't occur to them that there'd be any tension for any reason, money or otherwise. The indifferent is the one that doesn't really show any differing reaction to you being there. The awkward is the person who, from the beginning, makes you wonder how long this situation is gonna last.
This applies to all of the places I've lived at for more than a week this year. Well, maybe it also applies to the one-week ones but in a different way. I don't know if I'm admirable by any means for travelling at this point in my life. Isn't this what people wish to do? Am I the same thing as those characters who.. travel? I guess the journey itself wouldn't happen on my own terms by any means but I still would have been prouder if it were on a tour bus or if I'd met a lot of cool long-term friends along the way.
The south makes me shy. Two days in a row, someone behind a counter asked me, "Are you nervous?". This is a weird question to hear. I guess I always am because I don't know where I'm gonna go. The first person who asked me that this year was this little girl who lived at this house I slept at for a few hours. Her and this other young boy both seemed really old for just being tots*. The second person, yesterday, to ask me was some new employee at Matthew's job who couldn't seem to understand why I was there asking for something unrelated to the store. I still haven't gotten my mom's check or her package of candy for me, yet. Today, the person who asked me was this soft-spoken guy that looked kind of like Wesley Willis who handed me my bus ticket. This time I was confused about the confirmation or something. It's just funny. Still, it only makes me more uneasy to hear it. I just remember not running into any worried situations the entire week I was in Chicago. I bet I'm still fine, but it's just really intricate issues that make me seem nervous. I bet I'm still Cago-laxed.
What I mean is that I'm halfway between trying to realize how easy it is to talk to people and realizing that I don't have to want to talk to people. Oh that's why. My adamant stance on not having to talk to people was because of the work situation I was in that I used as a sign to leave Matthew's. I don't know if I explained that situation anywhere. On the other hand, I also have this other new set of beliefs based on a mix of forcing my will onto others (whatever that means) and just a bunch of other solipsistic things. That's not true.
I've lost focus, I must be done.
Well, at least one of us is fired from a job.
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