Watched

Ha ha ha
Really too much.
I woke up today. That was enough. I mean it.
I got right up and possibly ate breakfast. It must have gotten stuck in my teeth because I watched myself trying to dig it out with my tongue. Frosted flakes.
I watched my day, today. I was third-person, today. Now, I feel like I didn't even have a day.
A weird day, man. A weird day.
It was the first cold day, though. My lips are getting dry, I noticed, when I watched myself.
When it was happening, though, I did keep on seeing that my hands might have been dry, too.
So weird of a day. Really.
I started, right off the bat, my "video series". Today was devoted to starting my "video series". The first objective was, simply, to start it. I am so distressed, now. Everything went perfect.
I explained what I had in mind for the rest of it, so this counted. Then, I was invited to philosophy club, again. More excuses to film the day. I think what has me stumped, now, is that today is kind of a.. paradox? Now, I think I'm beginning to wither in some type of understanding. This is only based on the fact that I am typing this right now, but I think I watched more than just progress being made in the footage. Something is haunting me about today. It has to be the change in weather. Can I fight it, this time?

Immediately after I completed one of this year's goals, which actually paves the way to completing more goals, I feel that I need to take this time to stay inside and get cozy maybe. Instincts? I have to make things work around each other, I guess. If this 'goal' works, then maybe everything else will fall into place. That old 12th grade Frankenstein logic. Iconoclast in the class. Gah.. reminds me.

Different topic, but I was actually called a perfectionist in that class. After helping write a story about a murderous housewife.. a poem about a murderous housewife. I literally thought it was cliche. I guess that's why it was only a slight comment about my proposed perfection. Sorry, this must be an inside joke or something. A moment only I can enjoy. Kind of like how I really just can not wait to tell my story about that Muddy Waters, Jr. show.

Ok, I'll do it. Once I get this story straight, I'll keep working on it. This stupid, stupid "series". I'll call it stupid, so it'll have some resentment in the mix. It already looks exactly like me. This is my solo thing.

Wait.

Duh.

That was the whole reason I came here. To tell about my day. Er, to tell about my mood. I feel like I'm.. you know. "In, over my head." or whatever. I actually took it upon myself to start- and finish- an entirely separate project, aside from.. Cool Winners, Terror Keyboard, Brain Camp, Daytime Buddies, Let's Dants, Body Snatcher, street art, the secret music video, the promos, and.. real life. What..what am I thinking? Will something as taxing as a documentary about myself be what I need to get all of these projects rolling? To complete this year's goals? To help the people around me? To finally build relationships with people I actually want to know? How was I doing this before? Oh no, I must have been neglecting a bunch from.. posting things on the internet. Ha, not to mention I'm considered to not have anything going on, right now. Though, somehow, something going on would actually ironically make things less hectic. I don't know. I don't have a lot to work with. Material-wise. Even though that's the point I'm trying to make. Gah.

Well at the very least, no one will watch it. The best that can happen is that I actually complete my list. Yeah, see. I'm actually not doing this to impress folks with my projects, not to gain attention, and not to.. I forgot the other thing. Still, my reason is to simply.. do something. Not 'do something' out of boredom, but to do a thing that causes me to do other things. Alright. It's a responsibility. All I have to do is pick out what parts of the day I like, and compile it. That's all. Then maybe I'll get to those other things.

Agh, though, what if it actually does end up looking like some blog? Heh, well it doesn't matter. See, like I said. I'm not doing this for show. I'm not expecting anyone to watch. I'm trying to keep up with myself. All I need to know.. is that this can be considered a good thing to do. Or a right thing. I don't know. I'll give myself rest if I need it. This is stupid, though, talking about it. 2 am, somehow. Back to the other topic. Feels like I didn't even enjoy the day. Hah, I know I did, actually. Ok fine. Mood shifts, in the fall.

Let's watch.

Look Alike

Hey, how's it goin'. 8:00 thing. I went to Hank's after work. The fact that I.. gah. Mr.K was shouting in the background "way to go!" Well, ok I'll accept it. Oh I had a Brunswick Stew at that Old Ephraim's place. Safe feeling. Crap, forgot dessert.

It was easy-going, though. I like grocery better. Oh yeah and mom said she called our old landlord (if that's actually what it's called) and it's good news. He's heard from other folks, and would be willing to hold the house for us. Hah sounds good. That's all though. Which means another one of these:

So, on the note of that bit of good news, I guess that means I will end up staying in town again. Now, I'm not sure how that's going to go. I'm not seeing the house the way I've been seeing it, anymore. I don't know, but I guess it's a start. Yeah, it's all a start. Hm, I'll be taking my rebirth righ quick. I mean in the way that with my 'resolutions' in tact (HAH!) then I'll just get that good mix up Pito that just kind of fits. Sorry, though. Picture facebook statuses pouring out of my ear or whatever. Yeah, Be Little.

Not in that mood where I'd be saying those ideas, but hey. Borrow some movies, keep going along with it, move, go a little longer yet easier, enjoy what time there is left with those people who could be leaving soon, figure it out, find something better, then flee! Hell, I don't care. I like this ability to do things just because I am the person who I control. I was right about "feel like thisssss." Oh yeah, heard from Justin (not directly) and I still have some skepticism about what I'm hearing but hopefully he'll arrive next month. Ok I don't know if I am wrong but if I am not mistaking this cast of circumstances, it looks like things happening to fall into a certain place. Not the same place I imagined before, but a couple of prequels.

I thought travel was in the cards, though. I guess the "two steps forward and three steps back" thing keeps on being relevant. I'm getting the feeling of "too late." What if it was my mistake to allow myself to end up here in the first place? Well, literally two points of view come to mind. I can always picture Fide saying I'm here because I made the choices to end up here. I can picture whatever it is that has been telling me this whole thought-process that there's a reason you're here, and why you're going back. Look's like I've been given a month's deadline for this side of town. If I don't find the hidden treasure, then who will? Er... what will replace it?

Yeah. One of these.

New Year Paradox

Resolution being to celebrate all holidays and birthdays, within reason.
Celebrating today by resolutions.

I have 2 years on this heart throb pass. So I resolute to take the offer.

Possible resolution of living like a no-budget king.

I want an above average dental health personality.

I want to talk to average city folk and shop keepers as much as possible.

I want to feel like thisssss.



There. literally 2 cents.