Farthest

Well, isn't it? The farthest I've gotten? I wouldn't think so but it actually may as well just be that. The farthest anyone or anything has gotten. Eh, now is not the time. Good luck, though.


It brings up a good point. A charity organization that updates its followers with inspiring quotes. But how often is too often when it comes to reading quotes? How far do people actually want to read? What if it was a celebrity updating what is going on in his or her life with quotes that got them to where they are now? Would fans be annoyed or inspired? These words (of wisdom or even phrases that result in "heh") are literally what go on in this person's head, but I am imagining that somehow these words can go unheeded. Ah first, though, if you literally don't see it then that's a different story. I am talking about pure annoyance with someone that you are a fan of. What the hell could it possibly mean to be a fan of someone? How far do you reasearch into someone's life without either: falling in or out of love, or using this knowledge to enhance your own? Then again the latter type of person couldn't even be considered a fan as much as a soon-to-be colleague. Whoa. Look, really I am specifically recording my thoughts immediately after seeing the page for To Write Love on Her Arms. Then, I thought of how what they post differs from what one average citizen might post. It's kind of merging with my thoughts of friends getting offended that I might be able to quote certain things as they come up. Eh, that's something else. Not far off, seeing as it deals with annoyance. I believe you always happen to read quotes at the perfect moments. Whatever that means. Here, the point is that you should kind of follow what would even provoke one person to quote another and at what moments. "Should." But not necessary. No should is really too necessary.

Companionship. You can't really be with someone that you don't really connect with, or someone that you can't easily talk endlessly to. Any relationship, basically. I'm not saying these opinions are mine. I'm thinking, one can have a dog as a companion and of course feel unfulfilled in the conversation aspect. But what about forgetting the qualities you're looking for? What if you begin to talk to a dog or anything else so much that you've just become busy? What if you let the human-thing set it, and you create your own motivation to keep on talking or keep on sitting-next-to. Maybe even the life-partner sense can work out. How have people been ignoring that their spouse "doesn't get it"? Maybe someone who "get's it" can only be with someone who "doesn't get it". The people closest to them will get it. That can be fine enough.

Well, I wonder if this worked at all. Those are my points. Just to keep me going, for like a split second, you know. Other than that... Heh well, just got word that I might be doing.... something.... in January. I hesitate to explain that I'm not giving exact detail yet.

I'm in the school registration process. Oh yeah of course. You know by know, right. Ugh. You. Still, if I can keep my head out of the mucky idea of what college used to be and what college actually is, then I'll be good. What college actually is versus what I'm actually doing are really perpendicular. Not necessarily clashing though. Fine. Skew. Hah irony. I've been talking about how horrifying Geometry was to me, and now look. Eh. Very small irony, yet big also since I used geometry humor. Wait, but that wasn't a joke. Ok stop. Like I said. If an academic career can be foiled simply by a chance disappearance of a classroom's folder, then I'm forced into skepticism.
What?

Last week is over. Haha. Good. It was very tyrannical. I didn't even know it. I cured. It must have been a good weekend. I still have a big off egg white crust on my sleeve. Possibly still a little bit of dog poit on the bottom of my shoe, as well. You can tell Matthew is going to be in the picture more often, soon.

This just in.. My mom just brought in an envelope, asking "Could this be for you and Tash?" The envelope was addressed to: Big Bro and Sister. There's no return address. I, eating leftovers, just said something about the possibility of anthrax. I'm not even sure what the state of the anthrax scare is, anymore. The post mark says it's from Michigan. I just finished eating, so I am more willing to try to open it. Gah. I hope it's a letter from the future. That's always my hope.

Wish me luck.

Back. I opened the envelope, carefully. Inside was a folded white sheet of paper. I pulled it out, and inside were two portrait-like photos of two young boys. Christ. I hate finding stuff like that. On the backs were their names and current ages. My first thoughts (I think even before turning them around to see the actual photos) were that I was supposed to be some assassin or bounty hunter. Now listen up. I don't even like that type of fiction. All I can say is that anyone else may have had the same thoughts. My minions told me that those were the first two options :). Really, that thought went away as soon as it arrived. Then of course came the "letter from the future" thing again. Well. These two boys are brown. I'll be damned if they're my offspring. Especially the one marked "Zach". I hate this kid. Hah, actually he looks like the boy from the George Lopez show. The sitcom, I mean. You know. I had to watch it on my Chicago trip. Rabbit ears.

Nope. I'll never have those two particular boys. They're no good. See, there's no telling though. An envelope with no return address. That's either attributed to forgetfulness, lack of envelope etiquette, or hell. From the future. Come on. And in the end of it all- please just let me have my imagination. I wonder whatever happened to that one girl that I met a couple times as a kid. Her uncle or family friend or just some older guy kept teasing her about having an extra toe. No telling if she actually did have an extra toe. But then I guess it wouldn't be a tease-able thing if it were true. I think I was just sitting off to the side, bored. I wonder if I actually made friends with those kids. I think it might have been their mom that was friends with my dad. Now I remember the lady's name because it was the first time I ever heard the name Reina. My dad told me it meant "queen". I keep visualizing this.. these streets that kind of look like they belonged in an unfinished neighborhood. I remember walking around... or being forced out of common courtesy to walk around... with her kids. Something about juice, too. Gah, that's just going to make me think about Ralph. And Beverly. Weird periods of time with my dad's friends. My dad's friends who just happened to have kids for me to play with.

Wait. I'm still talking about these two bastards that got sent to me in the mail. What, am I doing charity now? Christ, who are these kids? The obvious answer would be to send them to the correct address, right? Nah. This is the address that was written on the letter. Minus the "northeast" part. Wait, there were previous renters. The only reason I didn't think about that is because I had heard about the guy who was here in between us living here. He kicked holes in the walls, apparently. Who the hell would send pictures of young men to a man like that? In that case, the family... or friends.... will sort that out, amongst themselves. It's probably just some pathological gift someone just sent me as a cruel, Hank joke. Other than that, I'll just exploit the hell out of these pictures... no, no, they bother me too much. I would just kind of jokingly use them as placeholders in books at the most. And I won't burn them. I won't burn these pictures literally because I'm suspicious of the fact that I'm even thinking about burning them in the first place. Sigh. Look. I'll leave them where they are. I don't know the name for that particular article of furniture, but that's where they are. Sort of tucked under the paper towel my mom uses to collect incense ashes. There.

No one could have possibly expected this, but this is what happened. It happened to me in the middle of some odd writing practice I was doing. Good enough. I won't forget it. And speaking of which, I don't want to forget the other details. On my way to the piece of furniture I just mentioned, I did stop in the kitchen. I almost placed the envelope and pictures on the counter. That would have been too much. No, but my mom had just cooked these little apple tarters or something. Very good. A thin pie crust with chunks of green apple, with some sort of caramel-like (it very well may be caramel. or home-made caramel) sauce, and toffee chips. I've already forgotten them. There's plenty left, but I wanted to test whether or not I could hold off on devouring a dessert immediately. See. I'm good. Thing kinda have to be good. Gah, to think. The one thing that I have a tinge of doubt about right now is just.. my other life. My 1st 'other' life. I'm feeling iffy about.. ok there's got to be a different 'venue' for me to talk honestly about the..ugh.. comedy team. There's nothing "ugh" about it, but a very harsh change of pace. Minions telling me "no, don't." but I've got it. There's no right way. I'm feeling very good about the state of this topic (and we all like to think we're caring the most out of anyone) but there are very tiny little frays that could become problems later. I don't know. That's something I'd have to talk about. "Talk" about.

Well, then. It's good. Plus, I'm offended by the word "good". Plus, I can't tell if I'm saying "I'm offended" as a habit that Nick has rubbed off onto me. Now, if I was really in a paranoia-ish mood, then I'd completely change my wording of that last sentence. Current mood: lounge. Back hurts, and I'm just now realizing I didn't take the walk I planned for today. Craig. Ah well.

This worked.

Souls

Just any given demon woman putting you to sleep for about 13 hours.

That one dream I wrote about actually ended up happening. Well, it would have if I would have had a dvd player downstairs.. Until yesterday, I was stuck in June 21st: the day after my birthday.

For my birthday, I fell asleep at maybe 5 am, again. I was trying out a new medication, honestly. I did it wrong, so it was whatever. Woke up with a headache, but it was a decent headache. I walked out to see all that had been prepared for my celebration. Stuff set up, out back. I remember being on the lawn swing chair thing for a while. Then Grant came over and family came over.

Of course, I told them lies about work and college. I can't handle things. No one even knows that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Exactly. Contradiction. Crap, that reminds me.

There was a mid point. Then, it picked up as the family left and my guests arrived. Nerve-wracking. Er, thought so. You know what, though? It ended up beautifully. Literally, a beautiful day. The day people only give you when you're on your death bed. Oh well.

Justin even told me that the conversation we had when it was all over was just the happiest he's ever heard me. Heh. Still, I feel much like a failure in that area. It's ok. I just wanted to achieve some type of exit strategy for people like me. The failure of such a thing can literally only attribute to a life in the grind. Life in the grind. It's sacred.

Then, I lost track for a couple of days. Yeah, I celebrated Nick's birthday, but that was kind of what I had been doing the week before. When I tried to go back into the world that I was trying to kind of take hold of before, I literally set myself up for disappointment. So, last night I felt the exact opposite of how I did when my birthday was over.

I mean at least then, there was a chance of folks doing anything. Last night, it was just everything with every reason to be horrifying. Everyone is just so inaccessible. Anyone who can help just can not help. I literally have to hide from family, for a couple of reasons. I mean, I know who to trust with any situation, but they're scary monsters at this moment. Really, what I'm saying is that I had this devastating realization about females, again.

I really feel that they're monsters. I really feel that they're the ones who only want one thing. I heard my mom and her friend come in, and I heard them talk all night. They didn't know I was home, in my room, asleep that early. It was the most demonic thing I had ever heard. Complaining and coming up with people to blame problems on. There is no need a person will ever have to cause someone to talk about a thermostat the way my mom did last night. Our poor dog was right in the line of fire. His crying for her attention just says it all. Women are these things that are on some crazed mission. They're scouting out the world, for what they want. No one can enter this planet without something that a woman has done. I mean it. They birth men and more women, take care of animals, all so that we can beg for more. How can a thing be so evil by doing so many good things? It is corruption.

That was the thing. Notice I said I was asleep, well- in bed, early? All of this is the kind of thing that makes you lose faith in the entire universe-- or at least an entire universe of things. The only thing you can do is try to fall asleep. That's probably the only way to escape. Of course, since it comes to mind, death won't be a way to escape this type of universe. Death is actually a part of it. All that can be done is several, temporary escapes.

Well, who could this all be directed from? The source of this type of realization? Don't worry about it. Even me writing anything is actually just a dormant sacrificial animal that I give up in order to flag down some woman's appreciation. That's something I studied from them, firsthand. Any mention of long-term "sustaining from doing a certain thing" is actually just a dormant begging of doing so.

So, you can see I know that there's nothing I can do, so far. I'm not completely irate with anyone, and the only thing I can expand upon is myself and what I'm thinking. I just got the "tower" card. What Tupac said, too. I just have to keep an eye out for myself. These people might just be aiming to hurt, but hey why not?

Ok, eject please.

To Have Done

Lot of to-do list type of stuff in the past 30 minutes. Cleared the to-do list of things to put on my to-do list. Listening to the Parliament was on my to-do list. Last time, Regina Spektor. I have to remind myself what I'm in the mood for. It works out, when it's supposed to. Actual white wine, though.

Another payday, but really subtle. Generous amount, but not a lot off emphasis. Today and yesterday, kind of anxious about the fact that I have the phone that other people have been getting. The one that I just found out to be on a billboard. It's fine, though. I'm Me. It's a triumph for me, when looked at by those others. I just finally want to make sure I'm able to get things settled. So I don't have to put all my eggs in one baskets. Really wish it was bricks, for some reason.

I want to fix my voice. I want us to be able to have full control over our health. I mean, within reason. It's ok, generosity again. I'll have it figured. Accidental marriage. Gah, bad timing.

Alright, I hav-- oh yeah I was supposed to mention that today was shot in a different style. People have become aware of the things that I have become aware of but only in one instance. Pride and the consequence. Took a walk because of my dream last night. One person who would never sing a song that they were singing. A walk through my high school years after being ousted. The dream of course. Void. Enough sleep, though. Part two. Then, on track.

Not even.

Actual

Ok, of course. Woke up at Grant's. Woke up a bunch of times, but waited until 8:45 like we said we would. In the middle of the night, Fide kept complaining about how cold he was. I woke up and saw him, there, sleeping with the green screen wrapped around him. The sight of that. I kept waking up before the alarm, though, and had like 2 or more dreams of when we actually eventually woke up. One of the dreams was one of those situations where I'm up before everyone (like in real life) and I start to wander around. I ended up finding some vending machines outside. One had plastic bags of already opened snacks, in the part where you get your food. I knew that because I figured, if I ever owned vending machines, I'd put unfinished snacks back where they came from. I wouldn't though.

My alarm finally went off, and I saw them kind of react. They just didn't get up. Wasted a good 2 hours. First thing I talked about was the concept of Nate Dogg that I find to be really funny. I would have imported the night's footage, by myself, but I wouldn't know how. Ugh. So, I just started making a new little song. Odd, though. Finished off two of the songs I mentioned from last night. I had to work at 12 so I ate the last of the breadsticks, and we left. I was dropped off at home and my mom took me to work.

An in-credib-ly slow work day. For the first two hours, at least. Then, whatever. I guess, that'd have to be it. Oh reminds me I should mention to mom that she didn't come in for that test she signed up for. Some free physical test, where a guy at a table sits there and talks to people or something. I think there's a machine, but I have no idea what the deal is. He's just set up in front of the bulk section. Doesn't talk to any of us. Of course, except when Tash took her test that she also signed up for. Gah, I was in the same section he was in front of, and I couldn't explain a thing. Except how the first guy signed up looked like Redd Foxx, just darker. I also remember how the tester guy got a phone call in the middle of this guy's test and I found it really funny to think about how the guy is supposed to react. I wanted to get an obnoxiously long shot of the guys face as he's waiting for the test-guy's phone to stop ringing.

I had no idea what I was doing for that first part, though. Nothing to be done. I looked lost because it was so slow. I should have been anxious, but it was just frenzy in my mind. Not any worries. Just "you seriously can't expect me to pretend to be busy." Some new mode. When I was picked up, I ate this new sandwich that i don't remember. No way to enjoy tasting food. Not in the 'organic whole cloves' reference way, but in the way of 'the fact that people think taking something slow will make it more enjoyable.' Which is actually the same reference. "Dude, I read this part in that book you were reading." I mean to say-- Actually I found my answer now. The slow part means to study the senses of the action, in order to kind of think back on it again. So, if I had eaten any slower, I could eat it any other time I want. Drag and drop.

Good sandwich, kinda. Nit.

This Is Yesterday

I woke up 'this' morning just thinking about getting a phone. So, later I did just get one. It's actually pretty great, I don't see what the fuss is. My mom was going that way, so she kind of helped me get there and so it went. Asked for exactly what i was looking for and I got it. Almost too simple.

Well, of course since I was already in mom's car, I ended up going to where she was going. Pep Boys, hah. She was getting her tires rotated. I was actually planning on going to the high school to see whoever it is I should see. Of course, tire rotations take a while, mostly for it to be our turn. Still, I guess it gave me the chance to try out what i can do with my new... phone.

Eventually I was back home, and Nick and Alex were coming over. Blah and then we ended up just going to Nick's and all this other drain drain. Alex left and it became one of those nights again. Except it was one of those nights plus a phone. I guess I have to work my way up to other types of nights except plus a phone. Just a lot of junk that goes missing each time, that I have to piece together. nothing I'm interested in, but.. narnia.

Well, I was in the middle of something so.

Forgetting How To Freak Out

Hi, lawlz. Just a second ago, I was having one of those freak outs I have when I realize all the people who know each other. The whole mutual friends thing. Just nothing I can do. My mom just made what would actually be a great dinner, for how it was made. No idea where this stuff came from, but no I just don't like fruits in my dinner so that's why I personally... gah how do I explain..? Besides the fact that I personally find it confusing to eat a fruit in my dinner and how unexpected it was for me to eat the asparagus, but it was [some word that actually means good according to meal-cooker standards] for a meal cooked with no oven, basically. I don't know. just trying to explain that she must have done a lot for a little, but that may be far-fetched.

Got next week's schedule. Another 6 days. A panic because my mom is right. People would be glad to have those hours. Yet, I need more time to... eh who am I kidd-ong? If I would have had a job earlier in life, i would understand time-management. Ha, irony. There were books on that subject yesterday, in the library. I actually debated. Probably the reason I feel down about work in the first place. Basically the same thing as food, drugs, and bang-alotta. Freud, trying to but not 100%. I must have been trying to warn myself. Metaphor of the hours at work being an open wound literally 'gushing' blood. Something's got to slow that down. Metaphor of the previous and a white lie. Whichever bandage is chosen will cause a lot of other of that same bandage to be used. Hah typos in the present-perfect tense. Agh yes aggravation at how the things I've learned appear at the times most vulnerable to audacity.

Laughed a lot today, which is less of a good sign than I just now thought. Actually scared for a second that I've actually warmed up to working. Yeah today was proof of that. Sitting down under that nightmare camera. Laughing at jokes I don't even like, just because they're jokes. Actually saying "what?" to coworker. Forgetting things, almost. That one might be the scariest. Well, now that I think about it, work was my day today. Since I woke up at approximately 11:30 and went in at 12. It's all I had time for, actually.Then only half a day in between now and working again, in which I work the entire time the store is open plus one hour. Where the hell is my boiling point? When the hell do I discover that thing that people do to get their minds off it? It's actually designed to not be like school. That's why I have to be somewhat of a person that most people can relate to. No, no, no, no. I have to- my god I just forgot. A blank. Literally, someone just rease my memory. I bet the internet might cut off or something might replace what I'm saying with some bs. Erasing proof that I actually, gah all I can think to say is some egotistical mess that opposed the point I am making. Well if it's anywhere near egotistical, then you know what I would have been getting at. If I just state "that's why I'm the main character" then it's just that character flaw that I just imagine to be an awkwardly shaped naked white boy basking in the sunset. With a stupid haircut.

Well. Not much I can do. I'm imagining a mixture of what that one song has taught me and how to spend my time off. I remember "you ever notice when you're off of work, it's ok to actually just do nothing?" Now it's true. What Nick said. Actual private time by myself. Time to either think or tweedle around-er I'm sorry to tinker around with something. Or to "thinker" with something. Something like, eh what somethings do I know how to "thinker" around with? How can I steer this away from innuendo?

"The only thing that keeps me sane is the thought that I have all eternity in which to perfect my art."

Hey guyz

Pillow Though

Actually an hour later but malfunctions. Almost throwing in the towel until I remembered last night's technique. Restarting the computer. I had never trusted that logic before. Bare feet too, actually. This bandage won't stay on my hand. That's for me to remember. Ok, and today I've been dealing with my eyesight. There's just no way to prove how well my eyesight was until now. I really hope it's just the cold weather, like it was last year.

Ok, so work first thing. I was kind of on edge. For the first half of the day, yesterday wasn't over. Everything I heard, I expected to be trouble. It wasn't the trouble I expected, so it didn't matter. All I ended up hearing was chuffer talk, to keep me worrying. Then, I actually heard "I see you did a lot yesterday," and it actually meant that all the work I did actually showed. I didn't see it when I was done, yesterday, but at least it crept in somehow. After that, i really did not want anything else to be told to me. I actually planned on saying that, too. So, I was ready for it to be done.

Mom came to pick me up, and I was expecting the stuff she had planned to be earlier. When I saw her, she was debating whether or not to sign up for some free physical test, tomorrow. She did, and we left. Since nothing was happening until later, we deposited my check and she dropped me off at the library. Homeless man introduced himself. I got three fiction and three non-fiction. I didn't mean for that to happen, but I must've set my limit to 6 books. Just some bs.

I guess when I came back home I jsut started downloading videos. Old videos I had made, videos Nick made, one that Grant posted of mine, and various classmate videos. I did my thing, and ended up with a personal little freakout. It won't be one of the memorable ones, but it's definitely one of those to start off another one of our little renaissances. If anyone but me sees it, though,..

First thing when mom got back, was to eat at Stask and Shane. Odd, kind of. It was actually very cold. We came back home for a second, then we went bowling. Yeah, I figured I'd be tired by this time. Wasn't that bad, but we ordered quesadillas. Required fun, basically. Fide was texting and calling, thinking he was missing something but it's just a Friday for him. I have no idea when my next Friday is. For that matter, I have no idea when my next Friday is. Ok vision.

We went back to the Windy Hill house so Mom could get some sheet she forgot. Actually picked up some laundry, and I scoped for anything we may have left there. Hell if anything of mine is lying around there. I still have no idea where my box of clothes is. Probably in the worst place possible, just because it's nowhere to be found. I'm not explaining correctly. Two more 8 hour days left, that I know of. I'd better go.

end

Busy All Thimble

Hey, this is actual. Legitimacy, picked up once again! And right away, I have a bone to pick about that feeling in my throat! My throat is irritated! I can deal with that later. I was just eating carrots from the job. Yeah, today is the day we finally have the 'net in this ol' home.

Still cold, which is the last thing. Finally got the keys made. Finally back to using my old Pizza keychain. I'd like to say I was hungry, just for fun. Probably won't get the chance to have said this, but last night I finally paid for something with my debit card. How long has it been? Last update being the 15th of February. This being the first of March. I'd like to fill in that space..but that'll have to literally be what I will do. My latest wound has begun to grow tougher.

Oh yeah, but the actual today. I was up because my mom came home. She was telling me that the cable guy was here. Looking back, I realize how awkward she must have felt while having a guy working on something in your house. I woke up just not trusting what was going on. I didn't want the man to see me so they just put the other box in the other room. Lying in bed, I just kept on thinking about how, of all times, it would just be a shock for me to be my mom's son. I had never thought about my mom and me being different colors. Nothing negative, just one of those thoughts that sneak out of the closing door when you're waking up.

I kind of wanted to spend some time just kind of here, today but neh. It's the first of the month-hah- so my mom wanted to take me to withdraw my $400 from my account. Figured I'd go to the library then enjoy the rest of the day after that. Then, she explained that she had some things to do, so I just went with her. I took another pretty good shower and first we head to a Kroger in Atlanta. I wait in the car because she had to go in really quick to rotate some coffee displays. While waiting, I thought about how I might want some dressing for those carrots from work. I got out of the car and she was already walking out. She was with a friend who actually works there who she wanted me to meet. They talked while I just kind of stared. From where I was, two separate er logos.. on the front of two stores formed the word "EyeDentist." I figured that'd come up later. We were in the middle of people driving in and out but hey. Left, and went to the other side of town to a Best Buy. Pretended to sound interested in cameras and TVs. I wasn't expecting to get that album I had been listening to for that one part of February.

Eh. Got the money, post office before that, ended up only dropping off the library books, and got keys made. That was a today-day. A day that ended up being after yesterday. Pre-requisite. Hah, accomplish again. Making up fake quotes? Yeah, I'll figure it out.

Hope I don't get back problems.

Schnei

Lying there for a while. Hide under the blanket. Think about some other apartment. About time to wake up. Mom walks in room. What time is it? It was around 10, that's when the aquarium actually opens. I wasn't still sleepy, but yeah got up.

Also kind of just trying to come up with things to say, meanwhile. Eye-catching bs. Redeeming self for typing mistakes. One or the other. Obviously able to come up with a lot of good junk, but it's all coming out like gross and corn starch. Brown with corn starch. The fact that I'm slightly more familiar with corn starch. Flax seed. Roaches.

So, it was time to go. Actually did shower first thing, which I don't usually do. I shower in the mornings, yes, but not on the first trip to the bathroom. Not here, at least.

Actually had to "eenie meenie miney mo" about whether or not to wear what I was planning on wearing. Turns out the clothes I ended up picking happened to be right next to each other. I guess this red hoodie does make me look bigger, then. I saw my picture that they took at the aquarium. It's a mess. I've been going to work like that. Gah. Such a waste because this is always a slimming shirt. Ugh. No, my point is thatWait why I am missing this stuff. I'm out of it. Wish that had the connotation I was going for. All of this. It changes.

He

Oh yeah, and at the aquarium, it started to snow. We didn't know until we overheard someone telling one of the employees. Such a drastic change, too. What the hell, I can't remember the significance in chronological order. Frozen pizza, with a pun written on the box. The jokes people make of my names. Names. This is leading me somewhere, I'm sure. Ah yes, had to memorize loads of names. Photographic memory- of course! Hah. A call back. That's why the first person to explain photographic memory to me just peeked her head in to say hi. That John Mayer situation going on is just one of those stupid things people are wrong about. Yeah I was playing with photographic memory today. On the way back, I memorized a few license plates. I still remember them. One of them had the number(s) 1940, which might end up having some type of fallacy of a significance. The other was 9874. Less attractive because it doesn't look like a past year. I guarantee if I lived in a year like 9874, I would vomit at least once in that year.

I find myself asking why none of those girls who consider themselves to be the' type of girl to just tell people off' and what not, never say anything like that to me when I know that what I'm saying- reflected in their mindset- would definitely stir something up. Also just looked up "phobia of people's names" and ended up with nomatophobia. Could just be some jive. I honestly didn't think I'd be unable to focus at the end of this day. Hah Mr. Jones.

It sanowed yeah it sanowed today and there is the possibility of not having to work tomorrow. There. Already earned my 100 for the week, though. I guess the problem is that I either have a headache from my jaws again, or I have a headache from trying to concentrate which actually wouldn't even cause a headache.

done.

Near The

Went to see the house again, today. My idea for the basement seems to work out perfectly. Got a little anxious when I thought about if I really know what I'm doing. I'll know if things don't work out. This video I just watched kind of gave me some hope, though. One of my newer favorite aspects about making movies- set design.

Yeah, I'll be fine. Tried to sell some more gold, today. Wasn't too sure about the price the guy offered. So, we didn't sell. I wonder if this is like one of those representations of this period of time in history.. How "we buy gold" appears more often and people talking about moving and getting jobs.. I'm completely unaware of the times, so I hope I don't end up speaking for anyone. When we do end up selling it, it should be enough to get utilities switched over or something. No rent until March. Hm. Too good to be true, so far. Either way, I'm ready to check "Live somewhere else" off of my 6 month to-do list. Then, I'm sure all the other crud will get checked off after.

That's basically it. Practiced my future 'daily routine' in the basement, too. Then of course, when I mention that, I think of how much of a nail in a coffin type of thing the phrase 'daily routine' must be, but ha I actually wrote an essay on that general scenario. Not exactly the same as what I wrote, but it's kind of just "light at the end of the pregnant" or "hope on the horizont" kind of thing because it's just. hey. Like shore, too. That's kind of why religion uses so many metaphors and references about light. I've come to discover that religion is based in a lot 'recovery.' Whenever you're out of it, you can always just take whatever has been distracting you and replace it with whichever church you like. Some people need it a lifetime, some people need it just to get back on their feet. There we have it. Nothing too assertive in my words to make anyone feel too strongly, right? I'm not trying to make a new point, but I'm making sure that I know that I've noticed it. Should've used examples, but that's for another time.

Now, I'm convinced I was thinking about that earlier today. Even though the only reason I brought it up just then was to explain to myself why

Literally just got distracted by that gold necklace hanging from a thumbtack. I've become like that one Gollum hey. Literally no reason not to just hock it. Chill up my spine. Actually imagining getting a meat cleaver and cutting it in half so it looks like it's still there, while I take the other half. Heh, well at least I still have patience to fall back on.

Sell.

To Do This Quick

Er, brought some apples back. For myself. Who knows if the car thing will end ok or end badly. A lot of those mini instances where you kind of get excited and feel evil because it's something that you've trained yourself to think is risque. Hell, at least I'll still have my library card. At least I'll have some people to put in a good word, when I'm done. In more ways than one, the way I see it. Pieces of chicken and pieces of orange peel. Sounds like kitsch, speaking of which. Yet, for those of the culinary favor. Sounds Asian, in English terms. If even. Still unrelated.

The cookies that my mom made, half chocolate and half orange-peel somethin, plus the secret shop which involves the chicken. That's what happened. Then, who knows if the mail is going to bring us her check, in time. If not, then oh well. All of these tense relationships with folks I think I get myself into. I keep just writing it off as "gah should I say something? nah, when I get that fancy camera I'll just make a video explaining that person and I's relationship. Then, they'll get it." but that's just kind of.. lost in life.

And my 'little group of friends' are probably the worst. That's the only way I was allowed to finish that sentence. I'm sure I'm not the only one who sometimes feels like their friends are just chaos without them. That's a reason to want to move away. Too late, now. Knee deep. That's another reason I wanted to have the little picnic concert thing. So pleasant, right? Who'd oppose? Er maybe the house'll help. Ha, contrast. I mean, by that, even if the house doesn't allow me to mend my social (ugh) life back to health then it'll definitely power up that person I used to be when I lived there before. Now, to clarify the 'social' thing, it's just... I'm not necessarily dependent on other people but a good and healthy team just makes things feel like they're moving because you're hearing your progress from all different sides. I literally just made most of that last part up because I pressed the J key in order to make sure italics was off.

If I can't trust the people that I thought I found in the most appropriate places, then who needs any of them? Er, that is, in the possibility of me not being able to work together with some people. Gah. Hell, for me to understand at least. If all else fails, then I'll do what I can by myself. Like summer '07. Insane power house thing going on. The alts like me, at least. New groups of people, sounds like. Can't complain unless I know I'm not happy in the end.

ok, before internet is deleted for everyone.

Look Alike

Hey, how's it goin'. 8:00 thing. I went to Hank's after work. The fact that I.. gah. Mr.K was shouting in the background "way to go!" Well, ok I'll accept it. Oh I had a Brunswick Stew at that Old Ephraim's place. Safe feeling. Crap, forgot dessert.

It was easy-going, though. I like grocery better. Oh yeah and mom said she called our old landlord (if that's actually what it's called) and it's good news. He's heard from other folks, and would be willing to hold the house for us. Hah sounds good. That's all though. Which means another one of these:

So, on the note of that bit of good news, I guess that means I will end up staying in town again. Now, I'm not sure how that's going to go. I'm not seeing the house the way I've been seeing it, anymore. I don't know, but I guess it's a start. Yeah, it's all a start. Hm, I'll be taking my rebirth righ quick. I mean in the way that with my 'resolutions' in tact (HAH!) then I'll just get that good mix up Pito that just kind of fits. Sorry, though. Picture facebook statuses pouring out of my ear or whatever. Yeah, Be Little.

Not in that mood where I'd be saying those ideas, but hey. Borrow some movies, keep going along with it, move, go a little longer yet easier, enjoy what time there is left with those people who could be leaving soon, figure it out, find something better, then flee! Hell, I don't care. I like this ability to do things just because I am the person who I control. I was right about "feel like thisssss." Oh yeah, heard from Justin (not directly) and I still have some skepticism about what I'm hearing but hopefully he'll arrive next month. Ok I don't know if I am wrong but if I am not mistaking this cast of circumstances, it looks like things happening to fall into a certain place. Not the same place I imagined before, but a couple of prequels.

I thought travel was in the cards, though. I guess the "two steps forward and three steps back" thing keeps on being relevant. I'm getting the feeling of "too late." What if it was my mistake to allow myself to end up here in the first place? Well, literally two points of view come to mind. I can always picture Fide saying I'm here because I made the choices to end up here. I can picture whatever it is that has been telling me this whole thought-process that there's a reason you're here, and why you're going back. Look's like I've been given a month's deadline for this side of town. If I don't find the hidden treasure, then who will? Er... what will replace it?

Yeah. One of these.

I'm Supposed To

Honestly 7 days later.

These two days basically. It was just kind of odd to go out for the weekend, starting Saturday night. Yeah, that's what the day was about. I regrettingly had to persuade my mom to drive me to Kroger to meet Jordan and Nick. I met Alex and Alex instead. I waited in there car until we all went to pick up Fide. He was acting apparent of the night that must have happened the night before. All I knew about that night was look-alike and unlimited pancakes.

Alex dropped Fide and I off with Nick, and in my seat was Thomas's phone. We went to Thomas's house. Jordan's idea to bring 3 pizzas and 2 bottles of "Dr. K" and I mean. I didn't eat, I guess. They were all like in and out doing their thing at the house, and Thomas looking up comedy videos and pictures. The pool and jacuzzi were still iced over. I'm only calling it a jacuzzi because that was Thomas's exact words. Nothing illiterate about "Thomas's," right? Anyway, watched Inglourious Men, that's for sure. Heart beating crazily though. Wanting them all to see the exciting conclusion. Eventually it turned out that everyone was leaving and we (Michael, Jordan, Fide, and I) were allowed to stay the night. While they settled down, I watched this documentary about zombies in popular fiction and stuff.

Next morning, we were supposed to leave pretty soon but I wanted to finish the movie Quarantine. Then we ended up at... eh, Kroger. We sat in the parking lot, nothing happening until Hank ended up in the picture. He was trying to contact me so I could help him and his dad move a couch from his grandparents' house. I left the other guys, and commenced with my mission I supposed. First time seeing Hank in 2010.

Eh, pretty big stomach ache, but I ended up staying over at his house to watch the Golden Globes. Gah. Oh yeah, watched Death Proof again. I guess.

Shame.

Now I'm Allowed

Ok. I've been sitting here trying to do this character design. There, I'm legit. I'm trying to combine two different iconic figures because they're both iconic figures. I won't say who, but the result I keep getting is this koala version of Fide basically. I'm doing this for this idea I have, for what would be called a "graphic novel," that needs a main character. At this point, I'd have to redeem myself.

I'm not a graphic novel or comic book type of man. I know this because I actually have not the traits that they do. They hone their interests in far different ways that I care to know. From my point of view, these people that I am not of, these folks include average novel enthusiasts that have a thing to say about a book and this thing that I couldn't possibly get a hold of. They're just a different element. They have one face.

What I mean to say is that I was drawing... and then a story happened. I'm on no mission. I mean, now I am because it started itself. Fine, I'm not ashamed. I'm literally just kind of debating on giving any details. So I'll probably just turn this into mush. That's how I am with people these days.

While I'm at it, yeah, I've unresponsive to people. Which means unfulfillment. In order to follow through with one of those things, I'll have to work on that aspect. Gah, all I am is cryptic. Ok, the thing I started this thing talking about, I have given the title 'Tar-pit Super Stray" which is of course my own personal play on words (as opposed to Super Star.) Then, this paragraph was a little thing about me not really following up on the resolution of talking to people. Hah, ironic. The fact that I explained it, is the first step in solving that issue.

In other reality, I went to the unemployment office with my mom. The unemployed aren't even as miserable as expected. It's actually all good. Still, I have to do something to kind of get us out of this little situation. I want my mom to be the same as she's been. We don't need to worry that much about health right now. The fact that this period of time seems like this is all necessary. Well, I better not be passive and just wait for it all to transform into the next act. Ok, what am I doing?

Affirm.