Yeah, well, it's October.
Another shame for me, though. Today, I mean.
Still, it sets the tone. I'm not all crash landing on whether or not Fall is coming.
It's alright.
Hm.
Change of mood, here. It's nice, now. Maybe the music. Female singers. Like, when it's ok.
Did I do anything today? That's got to be the ultimate question. I'm betting, in the end of that type of phase, the answer some how ends up "it doesn't matter". It's all just like that little magnetic wheel gadget. It's just as fun to make it go up as it is to make it go down. Yeah. Yeahh. Feels good.
Oop. Sucks. Ah well. Oh that's right. Turns out that I overlooked something. Nah, I won't worry. Kind of a shame, actually. I need to be disappointed. Not really, I don't feel that way.
Yeah, I've got nothing to say.
And I'm not just saying that I've got nothing to day.
Because I don't have nothing to say. Thinking and feeling.
"Terror".
If only someone was devoted to my language.
Now.
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Friday, October 1, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Newt Rick
Anyhow, despite impossibility, yeah I woke up fine this morning. I mean impossibility of it having been this morning, not the fact that it was unbelievable that I'd wake up fine. I just get cryptic when it comes to the edge of bragging about technology.
Still one of those fly-by grocery days where I spend the entire time in my own head, finishing old arguments or debating on how the hell to get out. As soon as I got back home, I showered and just took a walk. The old walk I used to take. That old cliche of going to one's quiet place. Might as well.
While gone, I guess it's confirmed that we may start working on Dait-A-Base. In all honesty, I just hope I get to direct it. I had to watch Ed Wood, yesterday, just for the scenes where he's finally making Plan 9. Just to hear the lines like "are you people insane?" (probably not exact) and Orson Welles' part. It's like, I've come here for this reason. I've got to take hold of something, somehow.
I've been too quiet. There's proof. I've been running this through my head: "throughout each day, I only say 5 things. That's if you count 'heh.'" Which isn't necessarily true, but I have had to pipe down for the most part. Not that I say a lot. Which is what I am trying to explain. If I had just talked all through high school, and if I just talk now, would more people know about the things that I want to do? I mean, no one has actually asked me about that side of myself, at work. Agh. The words. Even though I was asked about music preference and my comedy act. Fragment. Physical proof that I don't speak out is that my voice is actually terrible. It doesn't get much exercise either. It's supposed to be "I wonder what Pito sounds like when he sings," not "don't let Pito sing, have you heard his little comedy songs?" Still, no matter what anyone else says- nobody has heard me sing. My lung capacity. The fact that people even associate me with comedy. People misunderstanding all of that for me actually wanting to sing. Voice is on my "Work on:" list. So is Time Management. Which brings me to the other part of today...
Went through some old things I've written and, of course, drawings I've done. The relevance of those things rely on what it is that I actually want to work on next. With the whole Time Management thing, I need to agh. Not even the surface. Furniture, my old files, my new files, catalog, to-do list, resolutions, sleep, work, this Twill bs. Not even to mention that I finally got somewhere with any whit-worth of a social life. Actually sounds like a saying. Alright, let's see if I can prioritize on my way into sleep. This is the 23rd though. Well, now it's actually 24 but all pretend. Not obligated, just making sure.
Consumed.
Still one of those fly-by grocery days where I spend the entire time in my own head, finishing old arguments or debating on how the hell to get out. As soon as I got back home, I showered and just took a walk. The old walk I used to take. That old cliche of going to one's quiet place. Might as well.
While gone, I guess it's confirmed that we may start working on Dait-A-Base. In all honesty, I just hope I get to direct it. I had to watch Ed Wood, yesterday, just for the scenes where he's finally making Plan 9. Just to hear the lines like "are you people insane?" (probably not exact) and Orson Welles' part. It's like, I've come here for this reason. I've got to take hold of something, somehow.
I've been too quiet. There's proof. I've been running this through my head: "throughout each day, I only say 5 things. That's if you count 'heh.'" Which isn't necessarily true, but I have had to pipe down for the most part. Not that I say a lot. Which is what I am trying to explain. If I had just talked all through high school, and if I just talk now, would more people know about the things that I want to do? I mean, no one has actually asked me about that side of myself, at work. Agh. The words. Even though I was asked about music preference and my comedy act. Fragment. Physical proof that I don't speak out is that my voice is actually terrible. It doesn't get much exercise either. It's supposed to be "I wonder what Pito sounds like when he sings," not "don't let Pito sing, have you heard his little comedy songs?" Still, no matter what anyone else says- nobody has heard me sing. My lung capacity. The fact that people even associate me with comedy. People misunderstanding all of that for me actually wanting to sing. Voice is on my "Work on:" list. So is Time Management. Which brings me to the other part of today...
Went through some old things I've written and, of course, drawings I've done. The relevance of those things rely on what it is that I actually want to work on next. With the whole Time Management thing, I need to agh. Not even the surface. Furniture, my old files, my new files, catalog, to-do list, resolutions, sleep, work, this Twill bs. Not even to mention that I finally got somewhere with any whit-worth of a social life. Actually sounds like a saying. Alright, let's see if I can prioritize on my way into sleep. This is the 23rd though. Well, now it's actually 24 but all pretend. Not obligated, just making sure.
Consumed.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Nothings
Noticing that 16th of this month actually might not have happened.
It was ok because I was actually kind of waking myself up, this morning. I thought I wouldn't have an ok time waking up because I didn't get much sleep last night. Seems like someone was watching my back in the sleep department. Hard to explain, but it did explain a lot. My point was that I had to wake up early this morning. Gah, the missing pieces.
Today was anticipated to be a big day at the store. Life fest. Not only that, but the spring Life Fest. I really just can't get over it. Everyday is either just a celebration or a question of mortality. This is just LIFE we're fooling with. Don't overlook your puns and wordplay. This is life. Life. My friends and I all hear it each time we hear that one sound clip of the "Life-Life life life." It's Life. My god.
Still, I was 100% in my own head the entire day. Thinking about the morning, over-reacting, last night's conversation, college, human behavior (literally, literally), and now just trust and byrony. hah.
Right now, I just finished an entire jug of water, I have the stereo playing, but I'm trying to figure out how to make use of the night after that nap I just took after I walked home. All I can think to do is try to tell everyone what I'm doing right now. It's because of the encouragement, though. One of those nights, where they like the stupid little things you do. All I am is really just ashamed of my phone, my diploma, and of course just the word "life". Oh yeah I was also thinking about where things finally pay off. Ashamed that everyone who has ever gotten anywhere and claimed it was a struggle may just have done exactly the same things I've done.
Just in time for Frankenstein, again. If I am not mistaken, the kids in school are studying it again. It's important that i know which piece and era of literature. Just- if only I still knew where to find that diagram of the literary eras. haunting, but hey why not.
My God, imagine the musicals that must go on in someone's padded cell.
Actually primal screaming. I'm aiming and hitting. A battle of two different muses. Fueling each other. Don't flatter one's self.
K, my smell.
It was ok because I was actually kind of waking myself up, this morning. I thought I wouldn't have an ok time waking up because I didn't get much sleep last night. Seems like someone was watching my back in the sleep department. Hard to explain, but it did explain a lot. My point was that I had to wake up early this morning. Gah, the missing pieces.
Today was anticipated to be a big day at the store. Life fest. Not only that, but the spring Life Fest. I really just can't get over it. Everyday is either just a celebration or a question of mortality. This is just LIFE we're fooling with. Don't overlook your puns and wordplay. This is life. Life. My friends and I all hear it each time we hear that one sound clip of the "Life-Life life life." It's Life. My god.
Still, I was 100% in my own head the entire day. Thinking about the morning, over-reacting, last night's conversation, college, human behavior (literally, literally), and now just trust and byrony. hah.
Right now, I just finished an entire jug of water, I have the stereo playing, but I'm trying to figure out how to make use of the night after that nap I just took after I walked home. All I can think to do is try to tell everyone what I'm doing right now. It's because of the encouragement, though. One of those nights, where they like the stupid little things you do. All I am is really just ashamed of my phone, my diploma, and of course just the word "life". Oh yeah I was also thinking about where things finally pay off. Ashamed that everyone who has ever gotten anywhere and claimed it was a struggle may just have done exactly the same things I've done.
Just in time for Frankenstein, again. If I am not mistaken, the kids in school are studying it again. It's important that i know which piece and era of literature. Just- if only I still knew where to find that diagram of the literary eras. haunting, but hey why not.
My God, imagine the musicals that must go on in someone's padded cell.
Actually primal screaming. I'm aiming and hitting. A battle of two different muses. Fueling each other. Don't flatter one's self.
K, my smell.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Actual
Ok, of course. Woke up at Grant's. Woke up a bunch of times, but waited until 8:45 like we said we would. In the middle of the night, Fide kept complaining about how cold he was. I woke up and saw him, there, sleeping with the green screen wrapped around him. The sight of that. I kept waking up before the alarm, though, and had like 2 or more dreams of when we actually eventually woke up. One of the dreams was one of those situations where I'm up before everyone (like in real life) and I start to wander around. I ended up finding some vending machines outside. One had plastic bags of already opened snacks, in the part where you get your food. I knew that because I figured, if I ever owned vending machines, I'd put unfinished snacks back where they came from. I wouldn't though.
My alarm finally went off, and I saw them kind of react. They just didn't get up. Wasted a good 2 hours. First thing I talked about was the concept of Nate Dogg that I find to be really funny. I would have imported the night's footage, by myself, but I wouldn't know how. Ugh. So, I just started making a new little song. Odd, though. Finished off two of the songs I mentioned from last night. I had to work at 12 so I ate the last of the breadsticks, and we left. I was dropped off at home and my mom took me to work.
An in-credib-ly slow work day. For the first two hours, at least. Then, whatever. I guess, that'd have to be it. Oh reminds me I should mention to mom that she didn't come in for that test she signed up for. Some free physical test, where a guy at a table sits there and talks to people or something. I think there's a machine, but I have no idea what the deal is. He's just set up in front of the bulk section. Doesn't talk to any of us. Of course, except when Tash took her test that she also signed up for. Gah, I was in the same section he was in front of, and I couldn't explain a thing. Except how the first guy signed up looked like Redd Foxx, just darker. I also remember how the tester guy got a phone call in the middle of this guy's test and I found it really funny to think about how the guy is supposed to react. I wanted to get an obnoxiously long shot of the guys face as he's waiting for the test-guy's phone to stop ringing.
I had no idea what I was doing for that first part, though. Nothing to be done. I looked lost because it was so slow. I should have been anxious, but it was just frenzy in my mind. Not any worries. Just "you seriously can't expect me to pretend to be busy." Some new mode. When I was picked up, I ate this new sandwich that i don't remember. No way to enjoy tasting food. Not in the 'organic whole cloves' reference way, but in the way of 'the fact that people think taking something slow will make it more enjoyable.' Which is actually the same reference. "Dude, I read this part in that book you were reading." I mean to say-- Actually I found my answer now. The slow part means to study the senses of the action, in order to kind of think back on it again. So, if I had eaten any slower, I could eat it any other time I want. Drag and drop.
Good sandwich, kinda. Nit.
My alarm finally went off, and I saw them kind of react. They just didn't get up. Wasted a good 2 hours. First thing I talked about was the concept of Nate Dogg that I find to be really funny. I would have imported the night's footage, by myself, but I wouldn't know how. Ugh. So, I just started making a new little song. Odd, though. Finished off two of the songs I mentioned from last night. I had to work at 12 so I ate the last of the breadsticks, and we left. I was dropped off at home and my mom took me to work.
An in-credib-ly slow work day. For the first two hours, at least. Then, whatever. I guess, that'd have to be it. Oh reminds me I should mention to mom that she didn't come in for that test she signed up for. Some free physical test, where a guy at a table sits there and talks to people or something. I think there's a machine, but I have no idea what the deal is. He's just set up in front of the bulk section. Doesn't talk to any of us. Of course, except when Tash took her test that she also signed up for. Gah, I was in the same section he was in front of, and I couldn't explain a thing. Except how the first guy signed up looked like Redd Foxx, just darker. I also remember how the tester guy got a phone call in the middle of this guy's test and I found it really funny to think about how the guy is supposed to react. I wanted to get an obnoxiously long shot of the guys face as he's waiting for the test-guy's phone to stop ringing.
I had no idea what I was doing for that first part, though. Nothing to be done. I looked lost because it was so slow. I should have been anxious, but it was just frenzy in my mind. Not any worries. Just "you seriously can't expect me to pretend to be busy." Some new mode. When I was picked up, I ate this new sandwich that i don't remember. No way to enjoy tasting food. Not in the 'organic whole cloves' reference way, but in the way of 'the fact that people think taking something slow will make it more enjoyable.' Which is actually the same reference. "Dude, I read this part in that book you were reading." I mean to say-- Actually I found my answer now. The slow part means to study the senses of the action, in order to kind of think back on it again. So, if I had eaten any slower, I could eat it any other time I want. Drag and drop.
Good sandwich, kinda. Nit.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
High Pitch
Same as yesterday. Unfortunately, the only difference in today and yesterday is what's on television. Honestly.
A lost of words because of their repetition. So, how far can I take today in comparison to what it actually is. As far as I'm concerned, the days that I didn't remember couldn't have possibly happened. That same old "what if I'm the only real person" routine. It's ok, I don't think that way. I just build upon.
There was a slug on the pert of the door in my room, under the actual handle but not on the actual door itself. I let it outside. If I can remember that, then I can remember today. A lot of people claiming to have had headaches, today. Not me. Pancakes and bacon, again though.
The other day I kind of started trying out this writing of, well honestly it could only be called novel because of the style that I'm kind of automatically assuming. The title had kind of floated around for about a month at least because it's just so upfront. The Last Year Of All Time. Easy. Practice, then. I was kind of going to imagine that being in a series of a certain blatantly titled novel-types. Still, the titles might just distract the entire intention. But hey, I'm not wrong. "It's not a waste of time." Just heard that one on that tel-v. Awards.
I'll figure. Just he. Alright, good one though.
A lost of words because of their repetition. So, how far can I take today in comparison to what it actually is. As far as I'm concerned, the days that I didn't remember couldn't have possibly happened. That same old "what if I'm the only real person" routine. It's ok, I don't think that way. I just build upon.
There was a slug on the pert of the door in my room, under the actual handle but not on the actual door itself. I let it outside. If I can remember that, then I can remember today. A lot of people claiming to have had headaches, today. Not me. Pancakes and bacon, again though.
The other day I kind of started trying out this writing of, well honestly it could only be called novel because of the style that I'm kind of automatically assuming. The title had kind of floated around for about a month at least because it's just so upfront. The Last Year Of All Time. Easy. Practice, then. I was kind of going to imagine that being in a series of a certain blatantly titled novel-types. Still, the titles might just distract the entire intention. But hey, I'm not wrong. "It's not a waste of time." Just heard that one on that tel-v. Awards.
I'll figure. Just he. Alright, good one though.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Forgetting How To Freak Out
Hi, lawlz. Just a second ago, I was having one of those freak outs I have when I realize all the people who know each other. The whole mutual friends thing. Just nothing I can do. My mom just made what would actually be a great dinner, for how it was made. No idea where this stuff came from, but no I just don't like fruits in my dinner so that's why I personally... gah how do I explain..? Besides the fact that I personally find it confusing to eat a fruit in my dinner and how unexpected it was for me to eat the asparagus, but it was [some word that actually means good according to meal-cooker standards] for a meal cooked with no oven, basically. I don't know. just trying to explain that she must have done a lot for a little, but that may be far-fetched.
Got next week's schedule. Another 6 days. A panic because my mom is right. People would be glad to have those hours. Yet, I need more time to... eh who am I kidd-ong? If I would have had a job earlier in life, i would understand time-management. Ha, irony. There were books on that subject yesterday, in the library. I actually debated. Probably the reason I feel down about work in the first place. Basically the same thing as food, drugs, and bang-alotta. Freud, trying to but not 100%. I must have been trying to warn myself. Metaphor of the hours at work being an open wound literally 'gushing' blood. Something's got to slow that down. Metaphor of the previous and a white lie. Whichever bandage is chosen will cause a lot of other of that same bandage to be used. Hah typos in the present-perfect tense. Agh yes aggravation at how the things I've learned appear at the times most vulnerable to audacity.
Laughed a lot today, which is less of a good sign than I just now thought. Actually scared for a second that I've actually warmed up to working. Yeah today was proof of that. Sitting down under that nightmare camera. Laughing at jokes I don't even like, just because they're jokes. Actually saying "what?" to coworker. Forgetting things, almost. That one might be the scariest. Well, now that I think about it, work was my day today. Since I woke up at approximately 11:30 and went in at 12. It's all I had time for, actually.Then only half a day in between now and working again, in which I work the entire time the store is open plus one hour. Where the hell is my boiling point? When the hell do I discover that thing that people do to get their minds off it? It's actually designed to not be like school. That's why I have to be somewhat of a person that most people can relate to. No, no, no, no. I have to- my god I just forgot. A blank. Literally, someone just rease my memory. I bet the internet might cut off or something might replace what I'm saying with some bs. Erasing proof that I actually, gah all I can think to say is some egotistical mess that opposed the point I am making. Well if it's anywhere near egotistical, then you know what I would have been getting at. If I just state "that's why I'm the main character" then it's just that character flaw that I just imagine to be an awkwardly shaped naked white boy basking in the sunset. With a stupid haircut.
Well. Not much I can do. I'm imagining a mixture of what that one song has taught me and how to spend my time off. I remember "you ever notice when you're off of work, it's ok to actually just do nothing?" Now it's true. What Nick said. Actual private time by myself. Time to either think or tweedle around-er I'm sorry to tinker around with something. Or to "thinker" with something. Something like, eh what somethings do I know how to "thinker" around with? How can I steer this away from innuendo?
Hey guyz
Got next week's schedule. Another 6 days. A panic because my mom is right. People would be glad to have those hours. Yet, I need more time to... eh who am I kidd-ong? If I would have had a job earlier in life, i would understand time-management. Ha, irony. There were books on that subject yesterday, in the library. I actually debated. Probably the reason I feel down about work in the first place. Basically the same thing as food, drugs, and bang-alotta. Freud, trying to but not 100%. I must have been trying to warn myself. Metaphor of the hours at work being an open wound literally 'gushing' blood. Something's got to slow that down. Metaphor of the previous and a white lie. Whichever bandage is chosen will cause a lot of other of that same bandage to be used. Hah typos in the present-perfect tense. Agh yes aggravation at how the things I've learned appear at the times most vulnerable to audacity.
Laughed a lot today, which is less of a good sign than I just now thought. Actually scared for a second that I've actually warmed up to working. Yeah today was proof of that. Sitting down under that nightmare camera. Laughing at jokes I don't even like, just because they're jokes. Actually saying "what?" to coworker. Forgetting things, almost. That one might be the scariest. Well, now that I think about it, work was my day today. Since I woke up at approximately 11:30 and went in at 12. It's all I had time for, actually.Then only half a day in between now and working again, in which I work the entire time the store is open plus one hour. Where the hell is my boiling point? When the hell do I discover that thing that people do to get their minds off it? It's actually designed to not be like school. That's why I have to be somewhat of a person that most people can relate to. No, no, no, no. I have to- my god I just forgot. A blank. Literally, someone just rease my memory. I bet the internet might cut off or something might replace what I'm saying with some bs. Erasing proof that I actually, gah all I can think to say is some egotistical mess that opposed the point I am making. Well if it's anywhere near egotistical, then you know what I would have been getting at. If I just state "that's why I'm the main character" then it's just that character flaw that I just imagine to be an awkwardly shaped naked white boy basking in the sunset. With a stupid haircut.
Well. Not much I can do. I'm imagining a mixture of what that one song has taught me and how to spend my time off. I remember "you ever notice when you're off of work, it's ok to actually just do nothing?" Now it's true. What Nick said. Actual private time by myself. Time to either think or tweedle around-er I'm sorry to tinker around with something. Or to "thinker" with something. Something like, eh what somethings do I know how to "thinker" around with? How can I steer this away from innuendo?
"The only thing that keeps me sane is the thought that I have all eternity in which to perfect my art."
Hey guyz
Friday, March 5, 2010
Pillow Though
Actually an hour later but malfunctions. Almost throwing in the towel until I remembered last night's technique. Restarting the computer. I had never trusted that logic before. Bare feet too, actually. This bandage won't stay on my hand. That's for me to remember. Ok, and today I've been dealing with my eyesight. There's just no way to prove how well my eyesight was until now. I really hope it's just the cold weather, like it was last year.
Ok, so work first thing. I was kind of on edge. For the first half of the day, yesterday wasn't over. Everything I heard, I expected to be trouble. It wasn't the trouble I expected, so it didn't matter. All I ended up hearing was chuffer talk, to keep me worrying. Then, I actually heard "I see you did a lot yesterday," and it actually meant that all the work I did actually showed. I didn't see it when I was done, yesterday, but at least it crept in somehow. After that, i really did not want anything else to be told to me. I actually planned on saying that, too. So, I was ready for it to be done.
Mom came to pick me up, and I was expecting the stuff she had planned to be earlier. When I saw her, she was debating whether or not to sign up for some free physical test, tomorrow. She did, and we left. Since nothing was happening until later, we deposited my check and she dropped me off at the library. Homeless man introduced himself. I got three fiction and three non-fiction. I didn't mean for that to happen, but I must've set my limit to 6 books. Just some bs.
I guess when I came back home I jsut started downloading videos. Old videos I had made, videos Nick made, one that Grant posted of mine, and various classmate videos. I did my thing, and ended up with a personal little freakout. It won't be one of the memorable ones, but it's definitely one of those to start off another one of our little renaissances. If anyone but me sees it, though,..
First thing when mom got back, was to eat at Stask and Shane. Odd, kind of. It was actually very cold. We came back home for a second, then we went bowling. Yeah, I figured I'd be tired by this time. Wasn't that bad, but we ordered quesadillas. Required fun, basically. Fide was texting and calling, thinking he was missing something but it's just a Friday for him. I have no idea when my next Friday is. For that matter, I have no idea when my next Friday is. Ok vision.
We went back to the Windy Hill house so Mom could get some sheet she forgot. Actually picked up some laundry, and I scoped for anything we may have left there. Hell if anything of mine is lying around there. I still have no idea where my box of clothes is. Probably in the worst place possible, just because it's nowhere to be found. I'm not explaining correctly. Two more 8 hour days left, that I know of. I'd better go.
end
Ok, so work first thing. I was kind of on edge. For the first half of the day, yesterday wasn't over. Everything I heard, I expected to be trouble. It wasn't the trouble I expected, so it didn't matter. All I ended up hearing was chuffer talk, to keep me worrying. Then, I actually heard "I see you did a lot yesterday," and it actually meant that all the work I did actually showed. I didn't see it when I was done, yesterday, but at least it crept in somehow. After that, i really did not want anything else to be told to me. I actually planned on saying that, too. So, I was ready for it to be done.
Mom came to pick me up, and I was expecting the stuff she had planned to be earlier. When I saw her, she was debating whether or not to sign up for some free physical test, tomorrow. She did, and we left. Since nothing was happening until later, we deposited my check and she dropped me off at the library. Homeless man introduced himself. I got three fiction and three non-fiction. I didn't mean for that to happen, but I must've set my limit to 6 books. Just some bs.
I guess when I came back home I jsut started downloading videos. Old videos I had made, videos Nick made, one that Grant posted of mine, and various classmate videos. I did my thing, and ended up with a personal little freakout. It won't be one of the memorable ones, but it's definitely one of those to start off another one of our little renaissances. If anyone but me sees it, though,..
First thing when mom got back, was to eat at Stask and Shane. Odd, kind of. It was actually very cold. We came back home for a second, then we went bowling. Yeah, I figured I'd be tired by this time. Wasn't that bad, but we ordered quesadillas. Required fun, basically. Fide was texting and calling, thinking he was missing something but it's just a Friday for him. I have no idea when my next Friday is. For that matter, I have no idea when my next Friday is. Ok vision.
We went back to the Windy Hill house so Mom could get some sheet she forgot. Actually picked up some laundry, and I scoped for anything we may have left there. Hell if anything of mine is lying around there. I still have no idea where my box of clothes is. Probably in the worst place possible, just because it's nowhere to be found. I'm not explaining correctly. Two more 8 hour days left, that I know of. I'd better go.
end
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Carnage
Mmm, some didn't feel like I got a good sleep because I think I was having dreams that I was working. Dreams about sleeping on the job and getting in trouble. Of course I was tired in the dream because in real life I was sleeping, so each time the dream-me tried to snap out of it, the real me would wake up. Another incredible example of the dreams that I used to have. Except they used to be about school... they were my version of the whole nightmare of showing up to school in underwear. Actually, I think I had something like those dreams, too. Luckily, today at work was nothing like that. I merked work today. Until the part where I had no idea where to put the samples tray. I might get a warning about that, later on. Although it might not matter because I'm off tomorrow... But yeah, I was awesome today. I answered customers' questions like it was just somethin to do. Badass. Speaking of which, I'm going to buy a wallet. Hah.
And where yesterday ties into today was the whole shyness thing. I was incredibly introverted yesterday. Even when the other 18 year old made an attempt to kinda meet me for the first time, I was just all in work-mode. Stumbling over words and just not able to consider the fact that other people are human beings. Kind of. I mean, before I went to bed last night yeah I did think of how- when I was in school, every adult was just an authority figure. Then, when I turned 18 all the teachers, to me just seem "yeah ok big whoop." Now it's the students I have to worry about talking to. They're all youngs, and I'd look like a "creep" if I talked to any of them. What I'm doing right now is admitting the problem. If I am not a cresp, then it shouldn't matter. My thought process, though, was that now that I'm 18, then everybody who is an adult is just basically a peer. I don't have to feel so pressured by them. Hm, haven't told myself that in a while. I'd just been kind of scared of new folks, all over again. Like I used to be.
Anyway, I'm going to the aquarium tomorrow of course. Better remind myself not to wear my belt. They have metal detectors. I hope I get to borrow a camera, to prove that I'm not so poor that I can't just go to the aquarium whenever I feel like it. Haha, nah. Ugh. Though. The point is that, we can also start moving this weekend. I'm amused at this still. I made this happen, kinda. Like things were set in place, and I just had to do my part. I guess that's how it works. Keep feeling like I'm forgetting things. Not like "feel like I'm forgetting something" but it's the way I felt in my dream last night. 'I could get in so much trouble if I get caught napping.' Gah, where the hell is Justin? What if I was just kind of meant to go to New York, all of this time? I never felt too particular about New York at all, but now that I think about how they are about calling browns "spanish" or "Puerto Ricans," the city might kind of mach my mindset. Agh, not based upon only that, but if that's just what brown folk are, then.. Heh. No way to explain it. I'll try it, one day.
is this it?
And where yesterday ties into today was the whole shyness thing. I was incredibly introverted yesterday. Even when the other 18 year old made an attempt to kinda meet me for the first time, I was just all in work-mode. Stumbling over words and just not able to consider the fact that other people are human beings. Kind of. I mean, before I went to bed last night yeah I did think of how- when I was in school, every adult was just an authority figure. Then, when I turned 18 all the teachers, to me just seem "yeah ok big whoop." Now it's the students I have to worry about talking to. They're all youngs, and I'd look like a "creep" if I talked to any of them. What I'm doing right now is admitting the problem. If I am not a cresp, then it shouldn't matter. My thought process, though, was that now that I'm 18, then everybody who is an adult is just basically a peer. I don't have to feel so pressured by them. Hm, haven't told myself that in a while. I'd just been kind of scared of new folks, all over again. Like I used to be.
Anyway, I'm going to the aquarium tomorrow of course. Better remind myself not to wear my belt. They have metal detectors. I hope I get to borrow a camera, to prove that I'm not so poor that I can't just go to the aquarium whenever I feel like it. Haha, nah. Ugh. Though. The point is that, we can also start moving this weekend. I'm amused at this still. I made this happen, kinda. Like things were set in place, and I just had to do my part. I guess that's how it works. Keep feeling like I'm forgetting things. Not like "feel like I'm forgetting something" but it's the way I felt in my dream last night. 'I could get in so much trouble if I get caught napping.' Gah, where the hell is Justin? What if I was just kind of meant to go to New York, all of this time? I never felt too particular about New York at all, but now that I think about how they are about calling browns "spanish" or "Puerto Ricans," the city might kind of mach my mindset. Agh, not based upon only that, but if that's just what brown folk are, then.. Heh. No way to explain it. I'll try it, one day.
is this it?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Hungries
4-8. Longest feeling day, though. All I can think about right now is those disgusting, moldy, green lemons that sprayed spores into my face basically. Hope I'm not infected. Worked with my sister. I think I might have eaten pretty well today. I must have been legitimately hungrier than other days. Deprive, kinda.
Today was Fide's birthday. Too bad I couldn't see him or whatever. I'm not one to care about having to make sure to see someone just because it's their birthday, but heh I mean especially since I'm supposed to be celebrating holidays and birthdays this year. Not saying I didn't celebrate, just saying that would have instated or whatever. Heard he got some of his beloved Steven B's pizza. Also, yeah, our groundhog didn't see his shadow.+++
Tash not movin' in with us though. Yet. I'll figure it out. I got this far, at least. I can make something up. At the expense of wasting space, I kind of just want to type about something else. If I could just figure out what can set me off into some other, I guess, tangent.. then I can feel like I did something. I guess I can just be like.. this is a checkpoint.
The house is check. That money I just happened to get, checked. Er, well I mean. I already have a to-do list. The only thing bound to expire is a movie I feel that I need to see in theaters. Heh and that's not even... Ok, some way to get back into career mode. (ha, now I get it.) I'm just going to take a bit to see where I was before I got this job. Hm, well those moldy lemons could make for a good stupid sci fi joke idea. Especially since I'm probably pretending to feel dizzy right now. Yes! That window I had opened earlier is gone! Oh my no. I've become one of them. Heh, at least it wasn't a a.
Escaped
Today was Fide's birthday. Too bad I couldn't see him or whatever. I'm not one to care about having to make sure to see someone just because it's their birthday, but heh I mean especially since I'm supposed to be celebrating holidays and birthdays this year. Not saying I didn't celebrate, just saying that would have instated or whatever. Heard he got some of his beloved Steven B's pizza. Also, yeah, our groundhog didn't see his shadow.+++
Tash not movin' in with us though. Yet. I'll figure it out. I got this far, at least. I can make something up. At the expense of wasting space, I kind of just want to type about something else. If I could just figure out what can set me off into some other, I guess, tangent.. then I can feel like I did something. I guess I can just be like.. this is a checkpoint.
The house is check. That money I just happened to get, checked. Er, well I mean. I already have a to-do list. The only thing bound to expire is a movie I feel that I need to see in theaters. Heh and that's not even... Ok, some way to get back into career mode. (ha, now I get it.) I'm just going to take a bit to see where I was before I got this job. Hm, well those moldy lemons could make for a good stupid sci fi joke idea. Especially since I'm probably pretending to feel dizzy right now. Yes! That window I had opened earlier is gone! Oh my no. I've become one of them. Heh, at least it wasn't a a.
Escaped
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Look Alike
Hey, how's it goin'. 8:00 thing. I went to Hank's after work. The fact that I.. gah. Mr.K was shouting in the background "way to go!" Well, ok I'll accept it. Oh I had a Brunswick Stew at that Old Ephraim's place. Safe feeling. Crap, forgot dessert.
It was easy-going, though. I like grocery better. Oh yeah and mom said she called our old landlord (if that's actually what it's called) and it's good news. He's heard from other folks, and would be willing to hold the house for us. Hah sounds good. That's all though. Which means another one of these:
So, on the note of that bit of good news, I guess that means I will end up staying in town again. Now, I'm not sure how that's going to go. I'm not seeing the house the way I've been seeing it, anymore. I don't know, but I guess it's a start. Yeah, it's all a start. Hm, I'll be taking my rebirth righ quick. I mean in the way that with my 'resolutions' in tact (HAH!) then I'll just get that good mix up Pito that just kind of fits. Sorry, though. Picture facebook statuses pouring out of my ear or whatever. Yeah, Be Little.
Not in that mood where I'd be saying those ideas, but hey. Borrow some movies, keep going along with it, move, go a little longer yet easier, enjoy what time there is left with those people who could be leaving soon, figure it out, find something better, then flee! Hell, I don't care. I like this ability to do things just because I am the person who I control. I was right about "feel like thisssss." Oh yeah, heard from Justin (not directly) and I still have some skepticism about what I'm hearing but hopefully he'll arrive next month. Ok I don't know if I am wrong but if I am not mistaking this cast of circumstances, it looks like things happening to fall into a certain place. Not the same place I imagined before, but a couple of prequels.
I thought travel was in the cards, though. I guess the "two steps forward and three steps back" thing keeps on being relevant. I'm getting the feeling of "too late." What if it was my mistake to allow myself to end up here in the first place? Well, literally two points of view come to mind. I can always picture Fide saying I'm here because I made the choices to end up here. I can picture whatever it is that has been telling me this whole thought-process that there's a reason you're here, and why you're going back. Look's like I've been given a month's deadline for this side of town. If I don't find the hidden treasure, then who will? Er... what will replace it?
Yeah. One of these.
It was easy-going, though. I like grocery better. Oh yeah and mom said she called our old landlord (if that's actually what it's called) and it's good news. He's heard from other folks, and would be willing to hold the house for us. Hah sounds good. That's all though. Which means another one of these:
So, on the note of that bit of good news, I guess that means I will end up staying in town again. Now, I'm not sure how that's going to go. I'm not seeing the house the way I've been seeing it, anymore. I don't know, but I guess it's a start. Yeah, it's all a start. Hm, I'll be taking my rebirth righ quick. I mean in the way that with my 'resolutions' in tact (HAH!) then I'll just get that good mix up Pito that just kind of fits. Sorry, though. Picture facebook statuses pouring out of my ear or whatever. Yeah, Be Little.
Not in that mood where I'd be saying those ideas, but hey. Borrow some movies, keep going along with it, move, go a little longer yet easier, enjoy what time there is left with those people who could be leaving soon, figure it out, find something better, then flee! Hell, I don't care. I like this ability to do things just because I am the person who I control. I was right about "feel like thisssss." Oh yeah, heard from Justin (not directly) and I still have some skepticism about what I'm hearing but hopefully he'll arrive next month. Ok I don't know if I am wrong but if I am not mistaking this cast of circumstances, it looks like things happening to fall into a certain place. Not the same place I imagined before, but a couple of prequels.
I thought travel was in the cards, though. I guess the "two steps forward and three steps back" thing keeps on being relevant. I'm getting the feeling of "too late." What if it was my mistake to allow myself to end up here in the first place? Well, literally two points of view come to mind. I can always picture Fide saying I'm here because I made the choices to end up here. I can picture whatever it is that has been telling me this whole thought-process that there's a reason you're here, and why you're going back. Look's like I've been given a month's deadline for this side of town. If I don't find the hidden treasure, then who will? Er... what will replace it?
Yeah. One of these.
Friday, January 29, 2010
No Not Now
I actually have the right to say today was a bad day. I don't even remember the bulk of it, willingly. I went to... work... at 7:30 this morning. I was a little late or something but good God, what the hell? Where the hell did this come from? How the hell did I end up with a job? I was just sitting here, literally minding business of my own, and all at once I have an obligation to get up and go to work. Then, of course, the whole nation economy "should be glad to have job" thing. Well, in that case, it's the same situation as last year. I should be grateful about things? I'm incredibly grateful in my own way, but there are valid reasons not to be in the right light.
Ok fine, not allowed to complain or something. I did need someone to talk to, though. Too many things are caused by other folks' feelings, so even if I did get a response it's be like scattered because it's not exactly what was wanted to be said. Yeah, it would be. I would happen to hear exactly what I needed to hear. Or should I rely on that? I'm just not in the mood to work in a produce section in January 2010.. er February, mostly. So I went on my first ever lunch break of all time. Saw two people I knew. He was right. I was "trippin' " stumbling over everything I was doing, at that point because of my shock at the fact that here the hell I am.
That's about when I found out I wasn't even done. I did whatever else it was that I did, then I walked around aimlessly, putting off using the phone. I eventually called Nick because it's Friday, and I got him to get Alex to pick me up. I gave her the chocolate that my sister gave me, and we went to the high school. I went in by myself, and saw Fide in the hall. He was so clearly in a bad mood. He was in an 'everything pointless' somewhat mood. You can tell, at this point, that bad mood is in the air today. We went into Philosophy Club for a second, but he wasn't really up for it, so we just sat out and tried to find our own bit of meaning.
Then, the solitude broke, as the usual Friday happened. Alex was at the school, ready to pick us up to hang out with Igor. We got in the car, and she was crying again and that whole thing worked itself out. Then, I got anxious so I called my mom. I was going to call and mention that I was planning on going to Nico's but oh well, that's gone.
I actually dreaded coming back here, today. This morning was the absolute worst. "Make your bed" bull shit. Fuck that. And that's a valid point. I did not want to come back to this place of all places after a day of doing those things of all things. My time spent on this planet, or whatever. I'm worried. On the way here, I finally asked Tash why she had to go and set me up with this mess and I guess she did what she could to help. When we got here, I was not ready to back down after such a literally dreadful day. Ha, I dreaded each moment actually. I talked and I yelled and I complained, kicked and screamed basically, all the things you do when you feel trapped. A settlement was reached. After I noted the intricacies of these horrible personal living conditions, I gained an edge in the conversation. I listed all the minor details of being in this house, including: that disgusting feeling of the door knob to the pantry, the grime that I try to avoid getting under my fingernails when I open a cabinet, the limited showers, having to get offline at midnight, the internet cutting off when the phone rings.
I can't go into that right now. I'm not even sure I want to remember this. Imagine how disgusting hindsight of this place must be. Basically, any other ideas would be an escape plan. All I can think of would ultimately be described as the secret passage way. Not secret, though. Backdoor, again. If I become a full-time student (wait, what?) or get a better job offer, or if we just go ahead and move to the house in Alabama. All backdoor. The full-time student thing was just kind of pushed by the fact that I watched the writer-director commentary of a certain movie, last night. Made me realize that I don't necessarily have the means by which to do the whole 'pick up a camera and film' thing. I can try either way, but school would be the only way for me to try out the school concept.
I'll do some research. Right now, I'm just discontent.
Ok fine, not allowed to complain or something. I did need someone to talk to, though. Too many things are caused by other folks' feelings, so even if I did get a response it's be like scattered because it's not exactly what was wanted to be said. Yeah, it would be. I would happen to hear exactly what I needed to hear. Or should I rely on that? I'm just not in the mood to work in a produce section in January 2010.. er February, mostly. So I went on my first ever lunch break of all time. Saw two people I knew. He was right. I was "trippin' " stumbling over everything I was doing, at that point because of my shock at the fact that here the hell I am.
That's about when I found out I wasn't even done. I did whatever else it was that I did, then I walked around aimlessly, putting off using the phone. I eventually called Nick because it's Friday, and I got him to get Alex to pick me up. I gave her the chocolate that my sister gave me, and we went to the high school. I went in by myself, and saw Fide in the hall. He was so clearly in a bad mood. He was in an 'everything pointless' somewhat mood. You can tell, at this point, that bad mood is in the air today. We went into Philosophy Club for a second, but he wasn't really up for it, so we just sat out and tried to find our own bit of meaning.
Then, the solitude broke, as the usual Friday happened. Alex was at the school, ready to pick us up to hang out with Igor. We got in the car, and she was crying again and that whole thing worked itself out. Then, I got anxious so I called my mom. I was going to call and mention that I was planning on going to Nico's but oh well, that's gone.
I actually dreaded coming back here, today. This morning was the absolute worst. "Make your bed" bull shit. Fuck that. And that's a valid point. I did not want to come back to this place of all places after a day of doing those things of all things. My time spent on this planet, or whatever. I'm worried. On the way here, I finally asked Tash why she had to go and set me up with this mess and I guess she did what she could to help. When we got here, I was not ready to back down after such a literally dreadful day. Ha, I dreaded each moment actually. I talked and I yelled and I complained, kicked and screamed basically, all the things you do when you feel trapped. A settlement was reached. After I noted the intricacies of these horrible personal living conditions, I gained an edge in the conversation. I listed all the minor details of being in this house, including: that disgusting feeling of the door knob to the pantry, the grime that I try to avoid getting under my fingernails when I open a cabinet, the limited showers, having to get offline at midnight, the internet cutting off when the phone rings.
I can't go into that right now. I'm not even sure I want to remember this. Imagine how disgusting hindsight of this place must be. Basically, any other ideas would be an escape plan. All I can think of would ultimately be described as the secret passage way. Not secret, though. Backdoor, again. If I become a full-time student (wait, what?) or get a better job offer, or if we just go ahead and move to the house in Alabama. All backdoor. The full-time student thing was just kind of pushed by the fact that I watched the writer-director commentary of a certain movie, last night. Made me realize that I don't necessarily have the means by which to do the whole 'pick up a camera and film' thing. I can try either way, but school would be the only way for me to try out the school concept.
I'll do some research. Right now, I'm just discontent.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
End of the Woro.
Alright, so I think I'm letting one trait of mine take over the rest instead of balancing it out? I've just been talking in 'life LIFE LIFE LIFE' terms. Just the ability to say "life." Ah, but to grow disgust in the ability to say words is the calling card of a cynic, kind of. In this case, it is.
We're just kind of debating the ability to be incredibly aware of the infinite amount of things without just completely losing all humanity. I don't mind. I'll disagree again later on, I'm sure.
Anyway, I could say nothing happened today. Just an incredible amount of detail that echo against other days. Or the other way around. How today and yesterday involved Chili Peps and Bittersweet Symphony. Hm, this morning seems like a long time ago because of the whole "bad rap music videos that went viral" thing. I guess that double-date went fine. I request no detail.
I talked to Grant, and we finally discussed the whole tension about all those pictures that come up, basically. No progress, probably. Anyway, I did the first step in pitching the idea of having that next 'secret' Cool Winners show at Kennesaw Mountain, as a picnic deal. I wanted to do another Graivdiggo when I was in a good mood earlier. Then I combined that with that confidential idea, which I just remembered was confidential in the first place. Not really confidential, I'll hint to it.
Then, moments later, my mood changed for the day. Ha, horoscope. I found out that Tash had gotten me a job interview at Life Grocery, tomorrow. I applied last year, and I'm actually kind of "bummed" because I actually took the time time yesterday to apply at two different places I would like to work at specifically because of the fact that they sell DVD's and music. In parallel to the last couple of conversations I've had today, I guess it'd be hypocritical of me to excitingly answer those "strongly agree" questions in those applications last night and then to just feel differently about how I'd act in a work place just because I'd have to be around vegetables instead of movies and music. Barely hypocritical, they're different things! It would be valid of me to have an entirely different appearance just because the scenery has changed.
Then of course, what I mean. Started off with the "cynicism" motif, then moved on to 'quotes' and on to just plain words. All kind of a cycle. Just be ready to explain. And repeat.
Amazing sandwiches today, though.
We're just kind of debating the ability to be incredibly aware of the infinite amount of things without just completely losing all humanity. I don't mind. I'll disagree again later on, I'm sure.
Anyway, I could say nothing happened today. Just an incredible amount of detail that echo against other days. Or the other way around. How today and yesterday involved Chili Peps and Bittersweet Symphony. Hm, this morning seems like a long time ago because of the whole "bad rap music videos that went viral" thing. I guess that double-date went fine. I request no detail.
I talked to Grant, and we finally discussed the whole tension about all those pictures that come up, basically. No progress, probably. Anyway, I did the first step in pitching the idea of having that next 'secret' Cool Winners show at Kennesaw Mountain, as a picnic deal. I wanted to do another Graivdiggo when I was in a good mood earlier. Then I combined that with that confidential idea, which I just remembered was confidential in the first place. Not really confidential, I'll hint to it.
Then, moments later, my mood changed for the day. Ha, horoscope. I found out that Tash had gotten me a job interview at Life Grocery, tomorrow. I applied last year, and I'm actually kind of "bummed" because I actually took the time time yesterday to apply at two different places I would like to work at specifically because of the fact that they sell DVD's and music. In parallel to the last couple of conversations I've had today, I guess it'd be hypocritical of me to excitingly answer those "strongly agree" questions in those applications last night and then to just feel differently about how I'd act in a work place just because I'd have to be around vegetables instead of movies and music. Barely hypocritical, they're different things! It would be valid of me to have an entirely different appearance just because the scenery has changed.
Then of course, what I mean. Started off with the "cynicism" motif, then moved on to 'quotes' and on to just plain words. All kind of a cycle. Just be ready to explain. And repeat.
Amazing sandwiches today, though.
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About Me
- Peetoes
- Well, as far as I can tell.. I am a man now, but like... I am a guy who thinks he has like good morals and virtues or something but also thinking those are stupid therefore coming off as a bad prick rather than a good prick.